Meet Vienna Pharaon, a powerhouse Marriage and Family Therapist (and author) whose profound insights have guided countless individuals and couples through their most challenging times. As she prepares to welcome her second child, Vienna reflects on the delicate dance of balancing motherhood with a thriving career. “This was one of the things I worried about the most the first time around. My career really mattered to me, and I worried about being able to ‘do it all.’” Yet, she found that “your yeses and noes start to match up more,” allowing her to focus on what truly matters.
Vienna’s journey, shaped by her parents’ tumultuous divorce, led her to create the transformative MindfulMFT community on Instagram. She started with a simple goal: “to offer just one person a new perspective every day.” Today, she considers expanding her community to support parents more explicitly, noting that “some of the most important work that parents can do is continue to heal themselves.”
In this edition of MOM CRUSH, Vienna shares her insights on the common relationship challenges expectant couples face, such as increased stress and fear. She emphasizes the importance of open communication, suggesting couples ask each other questions like, “Something that scares me is…” and “I get the most stressed when…”
Vienna’s journey is one of resilience, introspection, and a relentless pursuit of healthy, lasting relationships. Join us as we explore her inspiring story and gather invaluable wisdom from her experiences.
What mindfulness practices do you recommend for expectant mothers to help manage stress and maintain mental well-being during pregnancy?
I’m lucky that I live in nature. I highly recommend being in nature every day if it’s available to you. I also find that during that time there’s a lot of space to connect with the babe inside. Prenatal yoga and movement is such a support for me, as well as mindful breathing.
How has your pregnancy experience influenced your perspective on the emotional and psychological aspects of motherhood?
It has changed everything. Going through the experience really feels like the only way to truly get it and comprehend it. And, even then it’s still your own unique experience that doesn’t mean that you fully understand the emotional and psychological toll it takes on another. My first pregnancy was really different from the pregnancy that I’m currently having. I was wiped out in the first trimester this time around which was so challenging on its own, but also incredibly emotional with having a child at home who wanted me and needed me when I felt like I couldn’t do anything.
Ultimately, you can hear all of the research and statistics in the world, but until you come face to face with your own experience it’s really hard to understand the transitions, losses, expansions, and grief you have along the way.
What role has your support system played during your pregnancy, and how important is it for expectant mothers to have one?
I was pregnant with my first child during the height of COVID. I really didn’t have much support during the pregnancy or postpartum which was so hard. My husband was amazing but our community wasn’t around. Having our first child during the pandemic was lonely and I don’t think I realized the toll it took until later. No one swung by (which we completely understood), but no one was dropping off food, or generally coming to check in on me and spend time with us, and just support and help, like they would’ve if it hadn’t been a pandemic.
This experience the second time around already feels different. I have people who are planning their visits and sharing the ways they can support. It makes the biggest difference. And, I’ve also communicated how important it is to me to have my community around this time. I can’t stress how important it is to have the type of support that’s going to care for you in the ways that feel most aligned.
What advice do you have for other expectant mothers who may be feeling overwhelmed or anxious about this new chapter in their lives?
Life is going to change. There will be expansion and loss that you feel. I truly believe any transition in our lives (whether we see it as objectively good or additive or not) will put us face to face with both expansion and grief. Bringing a child into this world does the same. Honor your overwhelm. Make space to understand and connect with the energy in your body that’s presenting as anxiety. Get to know it. What’s it trying to say? Instead of telling yourself it’s going to be fine or there’s nothing to be anxious about, try letting yourself acknowledge what’s there. But also let’s not just solely hang out there. Might you also make space to name what you’re looking forward to? What feels clear? What feels like ease? What feels exciting? It’s possible none of that is present currently (there’s nothing wrong with you if it’s not), but see if you can make space for both and all.
How has your sense of style evolved during your pregnancy, and what are some of your go-to maternity pieces?
To be seen in the world as a pregnant woman is entirely different this time around! Being pregnant during COVID was such a ride. No one saw me pregnant out in the world, so my style really didn’t exist. I still laugh to this day remembering when a friend asked me if my feet got swollen the first time and responding by saying “I don’t know, I never had to wear shoes.”
This time around it’s been about comfort but still feeling chic. I love all things HATCH. I’ve also been focused on items that can grow with me and then fit my postpartum body as well. Buying non maternity wear items that have stretch to them has worked for me. Since my third trimester is during the summer, I’m mostly living in dresses at this point. And for a splurge, I love an Artipoppe baby carrier for once the baby is in tow. Their carriers level up any outfit a few notches.
What legacy do you hope to leave through your work, both as a therapist and as a mother?
I hope that my work in the world is an invitation for people to find the intersection of grace and compassion for oneself and others as well as ownership, accountability, and responsibility for self and others. Context is really helpful, but it’s also not an excuse. I hope people are inspired to look at their past without getting stuck in order to find a way forward.
As a mother, it’s to be someone my children can trust, feel safe with, feel prioritized by, and who don’t question their worth and sense of belonging with me. I hope that they remember me as someone who was willing to take accountability and ownership, someone who was willing to apologize, and someone who cared deeply about their lives.
