There’s a reason company founders will sometimes refer to their company as their other baby. The early days of motherhood and the early days of building a company are similar in their singular focus, late nights, early mornings, and intensity. When I started my brand, Beekeeper’s Naturals, I was a one-woman show and had to hone my multitasking abilities immediately. I wore way too many hats and was constantly switching between different roles. I had to become comfortable and patient knowing that a lot of what I was doing was new and unfamiliar.
When my daughter was born, everything also felt new. I’ve always loved kids and knew I wanted to become a mother, but there were elements to the postpartum period that I never could have expected. For one, I found out how challenging, time-consuming, and energy-zapping breastfeeding can be—it’s a full time job in and of itself! I ended up loving the experience, but like most things, it took my daughter and me a minute to figure it out together and we had to work through challenges and learn new ways together.
The Bounce Back Pressure
Understanding myself as a working mother was also a humbling experience that took me back to basics. As a passionate founder who spent the years pre-motherhood truly in the weeds of my work and my company, I thought I would seamlessly bounce back after giving birth. I actually went into labor during a board meeting and tried to continue presenting on my way to the hospital. That should have been an indication to me of how much pressure I was putting on myself to stay current and present at work even though I was in a major life shift—perhaps the most major I would ever experience.
I planned for a three month leave, but six weeks postpartum I started joining calls and checking in with team members. Even though I felt really foggy and, I soon realized, was dealing with postpartum anxiety, sleep deprivation, and intrusive thoughts, I couldn’t stop dipping my toe back into work. Then I would take on too much, overdo it, and panic. I started having lots of panic attacks and ultimately I let my team know I was suffering. I couldn’t be more grateful for how supportive and understanding they were and continue to be. For them, it was confusing that I would join calls with tons of ideas and then go dark for the full next day—all before anyone had expected I’d be back at work.
There were great days, to be sure—I spoke on a panel with my 2-month-old strapped to my chest and nursed on stage while talking about scaling a sustainable supply chain. That was such a proud moment for me, especially to normalize working as a breastfeeding, postpartum mother. But there were also lots of really challenging moments. I ended up taking 3 months off fully and slowly ramping up afterwards. Therapy, support from my loved ones, patience from my team, and SSRIs were instrumental in helping me get back to work and create a sense of balance and flow f myself.
Finding Joy in the Present
Spending time with my daughter has been another huge part of finding my flow an way. As an anxious, type A person, seeing the world through her eyes is just amazing. It has reignited a sense of play for me and I love to witness the amount of wonder and magic she brings to everything. She pulls me into the present and slows me down and there’s nothing quite like the feeling of making her laugh or being the one to comfort her when she’s sleepy. My main goal in raising my daughter is to surround her with love and that will always be my goal, no matter how busy or crazy life gets.
Navigating Guilt
I still grapple with guilt, though, and feel pulled in many directions. There is infinite more joy and wonder in my life with my baby girl in it, and when I’m away from her or taking calls when she’s around I feel guilty that she’s not getting my full attention. And then I sometimes feel like I’m not giving total focus to my team. But, I’ve tried to establish better boundaries and be sure to have times of day when I’m fully present with my daughter and then block off periods of uninterrupted work time. Finding a caregiver who I love and trust has also been super important. It’s a lot of trade offs and giving myself grace. I’ve also gotten comfortable with every day and week looking a little different but having consistent threads.
“Someone once told me that you can have it all, but not all at the same time and I like to take that on a day to day basis.“
The Importance of Community
Community has also been a huge part of finding my rhythm. I’m so lucky to work wi many inspiring mothers—quite a few of the senior leaders on my team are moms and have navigated growing their family while building impactful careers. From family and friends to coworkers and beyond, the women in my life have been a guiding light. If it hadn’t been for these women, I wouldn’t have realized my postpartum challenges or been able to line up the right support for myself.
The relationships we have with our Beekeeper’s Naturals customers, many of whom are parents, has also been so inspiring. They’re an essential part of developing and making new products and we’ve created a Moms group that has been evolving in such an exciting way. I’m truly so lucky to have so many extraordinary parents in my life.
Motherhood has changed me and the way I have viewed myself in so many ways, whether it’s as a founder and leader or as a friend and partner. But I just remind myself that it’s all a learning curve and the complexities of every day make life all the richer.
Carly Kremer is a mom and the founder of Beekeeper’s Naturals. She’s on a mission to reinvent the medicine cabinet with simple, clean and clinically-proven hive-powered products you can trust.
