If You're a New Mom, This is How Your First Mother's Day Will Probably Go Trust us.

By Babe | Photo by Ana Hard

Mother’s Day. What is it, even? Odds are if it’s your first Mother’s Day, you’re not exactly sipping rosé by the pool while your little ones cater to your every whim. Nope, if you’re a new mom, it means you’re in the trenches all day, everyday. It might be a holiday in your honor, but you’re not exactly exempt from nursing, swaddling and doing all the things to keep your new bundle sustained. But….maybe that’s the beauty of Mother’s Day. Maybe it’s not really a day to take PTO, but to fully embrace your new gig with all its sloppiness, fussiness and cuteness.

In light of all the – jazz hands! – hooplah around Mother’s Day, we put together a sample itinerary of how your first Mother’s Day could, might, and will probably go. It’s mainly in jest, yet you might spot one or two familiar moments. Read, enjoy, and oh, Happy Mother’s Day!

4am: Happy Mother’s Day to us! Let’s ring in our special day with an early morning feed and a scroll of the old TikTok while our partner sleeps soundly next to us.

7am: Awwww, look! What an utter, shocking surprise. Our partner brings us breakfast in bed. We don’t really eat pancakes, but we do today!

7:06: We love a six minute breakfast! Now, time to change babe’s poop explosion that leaked up and over their onesie (how does that even happen?

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) while our partner’s in the shower.

8:06-8:12: We got to shower today! Huge win. Huge.

9am: Babe’s first nap of the day. This mean we get to have sex on Mother’s Day.

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12pm-2pm: The in-laws come for brunch. Because why wouldn’t we host our mother-in-law on Mother’s Day?

She wants to see the baby, too! Duh. Let’s practice our responses to questions like, “Is the baby’s room too warm?” and “Do you really think daycare is best?” and “Did you see the open house on Zillow that’s down the street from us?”

2:04-2:16pm: Ahhhh, I napped for 12 minutes. Now, back to the nursing corner.

3pm-4:30pm: What a sweet surprise! Our partner booked us at the local bikram yoga studio, where every girl is under the age of 25 and looks like she’s been on a juice cleanse since her last sorority formal. SO fun.

5pm: Home and back to feeding baby. May or may not shovel in six bites of lo mein before bathtime.

7:30pm: Fall asleep on the couch while catching up on Sex/Life. Honestly, how is his penis so big?

Here’s to another Mother’s Day tomorrow!!!