Welcome back to Babe’s newest advice column, featuring guidance from perinatal mental health and relationship expert Lauren Tetenbaum (AKA The CounseLaur). The information herein does not and is not intended to constitute mental health, medical, or legal advice. Please contact your healthcare provider if you have specific needs, the Maternal Mental Health Hotline for on-demand support, or 911 for emergency assistance. Want to submit a question? Email editorial@hatchcollection.com.

A: I love this question because so many of us have had it and too few of us are comfortable voicing it. Thank you for being forthcoming about your feelings!

In general, no, I don’t think you’re crazy. It’s not wrong to be envious when you hear your husband use a term of endearment typically reserved for you on someone else, even if it is your own flesh and blood (and perhaps your own favorite girl). I work with many women who are certain they want to be moms but are uncertain of how a new baby might impact their partnership or household. It’s natural to feel ambivalent about how a new person, no matter how tiny they are, can create big changes in family dynamics.

That said, if you’ve been feeling jealous for a while and it isn’t dissipating, or if your feelings lead to resentment towards your child or husband, you may want to explore what that means. Talk to your spouse about how you’re feeling and why. Hopefully, your partner is empathetic and able to lovingly laugh with you – and willing to do what you need to help you feel better (it’s fine if you prefer he use a different language!). Consider talking to a mental health professional about your feelings, as well. You may have unresolved attachment issues or a need to explore more effective communication strategies. And that’s okay.

Motherhood includes having a wide range of feelings, sometimes inconsistently or simultaneously. You aren’t psycho for having them. And you are not alone.

Lauren A. Tetenbaum, LCSW, JD, PMH-C is a writer and social worker specializing in women’s mental health. She is also Mommy to Luke (2016) and Eva (2018). Through her counseling practice, Lauren provides therapy in NY, NJ, CT, and FL, facilitates groups and workshops to empower postpartum and other women in corporate settings, and contributes to media on topics like maternal mental health, gender equity, and working parenthood. A former lawyer and a forever women’s rights advocate, Lauren feels privileged to counsel women through life transitions when they most need and deserve support. Her first book, about preparing millennials for menopause, will be available in 2025.