Communication is widely considered the key to successful relationships. Whether it’s with your partner, your child, your caregiver, or yourself, communication is strongest when it’s done in a way that all parties can embrace. That’s where Sofia Adler comes in. The Santa Fe-based astrologist looks to the stars, and in particular our sun sign, its element, as well as the planet mercury (which “represents our mind, the way we think and the way we speak,” says Adler) to determine how to best communicate feelings, logic, and intuition depending upon where you fall in the zodiac. So for a Leo, that might be owning your voice, while a Cancer might need to lean into their feelings (soooo many feelings).
“When it comes to communication styles, the reminder is that everybody communicates in a different way, and it’s not a question of being ‘good,’ or doing it right or wrong,” says Adler. “It’s more, how do you understand the way you communicate and what you need? And then, can you use this knowledge to understand the way that other people communicate? And then it’s understanding communication styles in the chart, whether with a partner, a mom and baby, a caregiver – really anyone.”
Read on as Adler explores how your sign dictates your communication style and how to best use your voice in a way that suits you and your loved ones best.
“As the first sign of the zodiac, Aries is the leader,” says Adler. “Aries wants to take initiative. Aries does not wait around. Aries is very inspired, instinctual, impulsive, and nobody tells Aries what they can or can’t do. So, it’s about both celebrating that and also keeping an eye out. I would tell an Aries to trust your gut and trust your intuition, because while water signs are typically coined the intuitive signs of the zodiac, in reality fire signs are the most intuitive because fire signs have a gut knowing and they feel it and they go fire. They just burn. So I’d say trust your intuition, don’t be afraid to lead, don’t be afraid to know that you are right. There’s so much messaging out there to make moms feel like they don’t know best. And so for Aries I’d say trust themselves, know best, and take the lead. On the other side of the coin for an Aries is that you don’t have to do it all by yourself. Because Aries are the leaders and the initiators, they want to get up and go. So it’s giving yourself permission as an Aries to take your time and ask for help. Leadership doesn’t have to look like having it all together.”
“As an earth sign, Taurus is all about keeping things simple, step by step, and wanting to have a sense of peace,” says Adler. “They are very intentional, very loyal. Taurus typically does not like to take risks. Like it goes step by step and you do things a certain way. Each zodiac sign builds upon the one before. So we have the quick, off-the-cuff Aries, and then Taurus is like, can we slow down a little bit? Can we read? Can we take a breath? The beauty of being a Taurus, as it relates to communication styles, is the permission that you don’t have to rush, that it doesn’t have to be quick. With a Taurus, I would communicate in a way that feels familiar, and with the goal of what would create the most peaceful outcome for me, for our relationship, or for my Taurus child. Taurus wants to keep the peace, to work hard, and continue to move forward and build something and move slowly and steadily.
On the flip side, since a Taurus is naturally gifted to stay in routine, it might help them to remind them, or you, that the postpartum and family journey is fluid and that you have the permission to get angry, to speak quickly and be a bit off-the-cuff when the time calls for it. Give yourself that freedom.”
“Gemini is one of the best signs for communication,” says Adler. “If you or your child is a Gemini, you want all the details, you want to learn. Gemini is a sign about duality. It is about both, rather than either/or. So chances are a Gemini is going to want to talk a lot. They are going to be the ones that have the long doctor’s appointment. They want to talk through every step of the process while their partner is probably scouring Instagram. So for Geminis, I would say to honor the desire to learn all of the things, but it’s important to remember to be decisive and to take action, to make a concrete choice. And also lean into the love of knowledge, but also don’t get paralyzed by all the knowledge. To make a decision and keep it linear. A Gemini is much more fluid and does not color within the lines. So it’s also about giving Geminis permission to be the duality that the twin sign is – to change their mind, to do it lots of different ways, and to lean into the curiosity of being a mom and asking questions across the board.”
“Cancer is meant to feel,” says Adler. “The key word that I want to get from Cancer is not emotional, but emotive. I think emotional is a word that can be seen as derogatory. But the Cancer gift is to feel. So for Cancer, one of the best ways to communicate is through feeling – to get curious about what your feelings are telling you and put words to them. And also, to give yourself permission to cry, for the water to flow. Cancer as a water sign and is intuitive. It’s a felt sense. And when I think of water, there’s this movement, this natural circular nature. And so for somebody who is a Cancer, chances are with their communication style, it’s a bit convoluted, it’s not necessarily very mental and logical. Just remember that feelings are not facts. Lean into your feelings, but how can you practice discernment to remember that even if you’re having these big feelings, that they’re not necessarily true. Also trust your felt sense, your body, your feelings. Cancer is the healer, the nurturer, the caretaker. The Cancer gift is to care for everyone else, and as a result, they’re not so great at caring for themselves. So communicate what you need, what feeds you, what nourishes you, because that will allow you to thrive and continue to care for everyone else.”
“As a fire sign, Leo is all about creativity, self expression, pleasure, joy, having fun,” says Adler. “Leo is the zodiac sign that rules or represents the inner child, so as a sun sign that might be somebody who loves kids but also it really speaks to somebody having a good time. So in communication styles, it’s about speaking your truth and being heard. The sun radiates, the sun is vibrant. The sun shines brightly and our solar system revolves around the sun, and a Leo needs to be seen. So Leos are funny, Leos are big, Leos are brazen. Leos can also be self-conscious and sensitive because they want to be seen and celebrated, but a lot of times Leos are taught that it’s not okay to be the center of attention. So the real medicine is for Leo to speak up and embrace that your voice needs to be heard. You need to express. Also Leos are very creative. So the key word for me with Leo is, how can you speak up for yourself?
With a Leo in communication style, they have a predisposition to make it all about them. And they’re supposed to. That’s normal and natural. So in life it’s about taking a pause and checking in like, okay, how can I communicate in a way that doesn’t make it all about me and that speaks to what my partner wants, or what somebody else needs? Sometimes the best way to get what you want is to communicate it in a way that the other person is thinking about, rather than just be like, ‘I want this.’ Leos might also create dramatic scenarios that don’t need to be dramatic. So it’s also about, what would this communication look like if this were simple? What would this look like if it all worked out?”
“Virgo is another zodiac sign that is an amazing communicator,” says Adler. “Virgo as a communicator is very precise, very detail oriented. They want to talk through things step by step. Because Virgos have a knack and an ability to see details, Virgos pick up on things that other people miss. And because Virgo is so detail oriented, the work is to remember that it’s not that other people are sloppy if they don’t see what you see. This focus on the details for Virgo can sometimes express as an incredible knack to see what’s missing. And as a result, they’re very critical – critical of themselves, critical of others. Virgo has the greatest propensity to nitpick. The greatest medicine for Virgos is, can you hold the vision for what this could be? Can you see the detail but without doing so at the expense of the way that things are? Virgos see details to the point that they see what’s missing and what’s not right. But can you view it as the potential for what could it be?
Also because Virgos are so detail oriented, they can get frustrated because they don’t recognize that it’s actually a gift. So can you give yourself permission to see the details, but let the details fall by the wayside sometimes? So it’s both practicing discernment for yourself but also recognizing that okay, I’m going into overdrive. And then forgiveness. Forgive other people for not being so together, because it’s impossible for them to be as detail oriented as you. Remember to also give yourself a break. How can you learn from other people to not have to be on your game all the time? And how can you communicate what you need without needing to control? I think that while it may be the most challenging for Virgo, it can also be the most growth inducing. Because at some point in parenting, you can’t control everything.”
“Libra is our social butterfly,” says Adler. “Libras want to be with other people. For Libras, relationships are a huge part of their archetype. So your levers are about balance, harmony, fairness, and justice. Libras do an amazing job at seeing both sides of the coin and making other people feel seen, heard, and appreciated. And as a result, Libras can have a really hard time making decisions. They can suffer from paralysis because they spend all their time weighing the different options. They get very worried about what other people think, and how other people feel. So for Libra, it is a gift and talent that you can make people feel seen heard and appreciated when you’re communicating, but the ultimate way to cultivate balance in your life is by finding balance from within.
Often, Libras get so distracted by what’s happening externally in their lives, and wanting things to look good, that they forget that true balance starts internally. Like if a postpartum Libra is tired or in a bad mood, or not taking care of themselves, chances are they’re not going to be able to handle their partner or support their babe. So my biggest advice for Libra would be to remember to find the balance and the harmony that’s keeping you up at night, and that’s preventing you from actually making the decision that starts from within you.”
“Scorpios as communicators can be striking,” says Adler. “They can be intense and to the point. Scorpio is about investigation and digging deep and finding the truth with the capital T. Scorpios are like a dog with a bone in that you need to get to the bottom of things. But then it’s also knowing when you need to let go. Knowing when you need to soften and having the wherewithal and the self awareness that your communication style might be harsh for some people. And that doesn’t make it wrong. But just recognizing that sometimes, it might be important to take a breath and to pause before speaking and also know that some people aren’t going to want to go as deep. Like I could see this manifesting as a Scorpio wanting to communicate in a way that is intimate. Maybe it’s talking about taboo topics and things that are not usually voiced, and perhaps their partners or other parents might not want to discuss those themes or topics. So that’s something to be aware of.
I would also say that for Scorpios, who can really go down the rabbit hole, it’s important to have a community that you trust, that gives you perspective and can make you laugh, because Scorpios tend to take things super seriously. And to have someone call you on your stuff and help you lighten up, and help you not get lost in the thick of things. So it’s both a positive and a benefit that you can go deep, but it’s also remembering that there is a need for levity. But since Scorpios are comfortable with taboo topics, you might be someone who’s great to rely on with friends when things get really hard. Because you are not afraid to talk about and look at things that a lot of other people would avoid.”
“A Sagittarius is likely blunt, and when they communicate, they’re likely loud,” says Adler. “They want to have a good time. Sagittarius are generally risk takers, they want to see the big picture. They want to know where they’re going. So it’s about communicating a need to your partner and to others that you need to understand the facts and the data and the little things so that you can keep in mind the big picture, especially when things get difficult (because parenting can be difficult). If you have a child that’s a Sagittarius, chances are that baby might be really loud. And so instead of making that wrong, can we celebrate it while also creating containers where it’s a good time to be loud or where it’s not a good time to be loud? You definitely don’t want to quiet the voice of a Sagittarius in any way.”
“Capricorn communicators are likely quiet,” says Adler. “Capricorn is more of a doer rather than a talker. Capricorn likes boundaries and space. Capricorns also tend to be serious and feel comfortable and thrive in a landscape that’s about getting stuff done right, about doing the work. I am all for work/life balance, to be sure, and I always encourage my Capricorn clients to lean into their work, it’s where they thrive. So chances are with Capricorn people or parents, maybe you talked about things in a more businesslike and direct fashion, and maybe your tone comes off with less emotion. There can be a little bit of a lacking sensitivity that other signs may show. And that’s okay. But again, it’s just acknowledging and recognizing one’s communication style and how that might affect others. And also Capricorn is the leader. They want to take initiative. So with Capricorn communicators, it could sometimes come off as “I know best” or I need to be in control. And similarly, because Capricorn is so focused on doing the “right thing,” they can be hard on themselves. Capricorns can struggle with feeling like there’s not enough time. So for a Capricorn, it’s trusting that fluidity is okay, movement is okay, flexibility is good, and that everything is still working out for you.”
“Aquarians are the rebels, the freedom seekers, the visionaries,” says Adler. “Aquarians want to do things differently. They’re very anti status quo. Something that’s common for Aquarians is that they say no, right off the bat simply because somebody else told them to do it, and they don’t like that. So really it’s about encouraging Aquarians to think outside the box, to do things differently, to speak up about things that other people wouldn’t speak up about. Aquarians have this point of wanting to do things differently. So it’s helpful to communicate in a way that is about the future. What are your goals? Where are you going? How are you getting there? And to communicate to others that you feel safe and comfortable when you have an understanding of how the present moment is contributing to the future, how the present moment is helping you see the big picture.
With Aquarians, it’s about keeping an open mind. When somebody tells you what to do, there might be insights that are valuable, even if they didn’t come from you. Give yourself permission to do things differently in parenting, to communicate when you have these crazy ideas that spark inspiration. Aquarius is definitely known for being the genius. These “aha” moments happen when you lean into your logic and your patterns. Aquarians are amazing with pattern recognition and synthesis. So for a parent, speak up about what you see and create a map from that.”
“Pisces are incredibly empathetic, sensitive, and creative,” says Adler. “Pisces is the mystic, the healer, the poet. A Pisces communicator is likely one who does not communicate clearly and linearly, and is much more emotional – the one who is maybe shy. A Pisces might honestly pull back from communicating because they have a tendency to escape or avoid things that are difficult or hard because they’re so sensitive. They feel not only for ourselves but for others.
So similar to what we talked about for Cancer, for Pisces and communication style, it’s important to communicate how sensitive you are and that you are sensitive to energies and environments. That could be the type of energy that a doctor brings into the room, or the people that you allow in your baby’s life, especially in that initial postpartum period. It’s keeping a very safe space. Boundaries are very important to Pisces, and communicating boundaries is likely difficult off the bat, and yet incredibly significant. When it comes to communication, Pisces are intuitive. Trust your gut and establish boundaries so as not to take on the energy of other people and other things. Ask yourself, is what I’m feeling mine? And be unafraid to speak up about what your gut tells you. And similar to Cancer, it’s allowing yourself to be emotive and allowing yourself to feel, to let your emotions guide you while also remembering that feelings are not facts.”