Latham Thomas on What to Ask a Doula It's about experience + relationships.
For many women, the process of bringing on a doula can be a particularly stressful one. There’s the question of who, what, where, when, and how a doula will continue support throughout birth and beyond.
So we’re bringing you From The Desk of a Doula, an ongoing series where we reach out to doulas in our network and community that can help answer your questions and offer us a glimpse into how they work, what they do and how their support goes way beyond the birthing experience.
First up is Mama Glow founder and maternal wellness expert, Latham Thomas, who’s served thousands of women on their pregnancy journey since 2003, when after giving birth to her son Fulano, she set out on a mission to help women reclaim birth. Since then, the New York-based wellness leader and master birth doula has been busy bridging the gap between optimal wellness, spiritual growth, and radical self care for a modern holistic lifestyle. We asked Latham if she could offer us some intel in finding the right doula for you, and the questions you should ask in advance to ensure your making the best choice for you and your baby.
According to Latham, you’ll want to find out a doula’s level of experience and their training. You’ll want to ask how many births they’ve attended and find out about their relationships with hospitals and doctors. She also recommends asking what other skills they can bring to the table in terms of support, such as massage, reiki, acupuncture, nutritional support or yoga. “Many doulas have layered skills to support you,” Latham says. “Because there’s no specific structure that supports this kind of work federally or otherwise, many doulas have to be versatile and have a lot of skill sets to differentiate themselves and to make ends meet.
From there, Latham also recommends finding out how many clients a doula will take on at a given time, aka how many exist in one specific “birth window.” “If they’re doing quite a few at once, you might have to work with a backup if someone signed on before you goes into labor late,” says Latham. “So find out how they work with back-up and whether you’re able to meet their back-up doulas.” Beyond the obvious, which are references and testimonials, you’ll want to know the extent of their experience and how that might affect their price. “If someone is earlier in their practice, they may have discounted rates if that’s something you’re interested in,” Latham says.
“You might want to be a part of them building their portfolio, or you might want more experience. Rates really are arbitrary but they go based on experience.”
Here and left: Latham at work.
Lastly, Latham suggests doing a deep dive into a doula’s outside relationships, such as practitioners, massage therapists, chiropractors, acupuncturists, and others in the healing space. “If you need a reference for a new doctor, it’s great to know your doula has that relationship and you can lean on them for that,” Latham says. “There will be instances where you can’t get an appointment and having someone in your support circle with a relationship with a provider is helpful. It’s hard to navigate the practitioner space and who’s who and what’s worth what? Someone who can say, ‘Yeah, here’s someone you can call for this and this is game-changing throughout your pregnancy and beyond.'”
Brandi Sellerz on Navigating the First 40 Days. Ask for help.
By Brandi Sellerz | Photos courtesy of Brandi Sellerz
Brandi Sellerz had a life-changing epiphany after reading The First 40 Days, the essential guidebook on how to navigate those magical, insanely crazy days following birth. “It was one of those things where I read the book, and suddenly I had a glimpse into the next 40 years of my life and I pictured my mother, grandmother and all the women in my family,” says Brandi, a doula and founder of Not So Private Parts, a lifestyle platform dedicated to removing stigma associated with women’s health. “I didn’t know how their postpartum period went and I wanted to shift the paradigm and start the conversation, and started with me. It’s a sacred time, to take care of yourself after having a baby.”
Brandi works with women all over the world in helping support their pregnancy journey, but her heart lies with the postpartum experience and how it impacts not just a mother’s physical health but her emotional health, too. As part of our ongoing series, From The Desk of a Doula, we reached out to Brandi to find out what moms can do during the first 40 days to help rest, restore and take a moment to pause with the help of those they love most.
Brandi at work with a client. Photos courtesy of Brandi Sellerz Jackson
Brandi with two of her sons.
Here Are Brandi's Tips, Below:
"Drink all the water, obviously."
"Allow people to help you and support you. If you can’t afford postpartum support or care, then lean on those friends who say, 'Hey! If you need anything….' Those are the people you respond with, 'Yes, I do.' Even if you don't, just have them come over and I can guarantee you they'll find something to do, even if it's holding the baby while you take a shower."
"This isn't a time to be by yourself in isolation. That’s what breaks my heart that during COVID-19, mamas don't have support right now. No one is coming over. Allow people to support you and love on you anyway they can. Allow people to check in on you. Even during this outbreak, allow people to FaceTime you and put their eyes on you. You'll feel so much better."
"Ask your friends and family to start a Meal Train, which organizes meal giving to those who need a little extra support. During the Coronavirus, they may not be able to bring you meals, but they could drop it at door. Also ask for weekly check-ins. Designate someone, even one or two people, every week who can check in on you via FaceTime. Postpartum can feel so isolating. That weekly check-in can do wonders."
"Give yourself the space to feel. You’re so open right now. Your antennas are up. You are hormonal, and it's such a tender moment and a time you really need to be gentle with yourself. Sit and be and feel all the things and reach out for all the help and accept all the help."
Don’t Freak Out If Your Daughter’s Vagina Is Swollen Shut It happens.
By Babe | Illustration by Ana Hard
So your baby girl has a vagina that looks partially, or totally shut. It’s actually not that uncommon, so do your best not to stress. According to the Children’s Hospital Of Philadelphia, labial adhesions happen when the labia minora bind together forming one solid piece of tissue. These sort of adhesions can range from a 30-50% fusion to total closure. The causes are unknown but one potential reason is low estrogen levels in girls between three months and six years or inflammation.
“Labial adhesions are fairly common in infants and young children, affecting up to three percent of girls in the second year of life,” says Dr. Meredith Grossman, an assistant professor in pediatrics at the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai. “With labial adhesions, the skin of the labia is fused together. They are managed with either emollients, such as Vaseline, or topical steroids or estrogen cream.”
Labial adhesions are fairly common in infants and young children, affecting up to three percent of girls in the second year of life.
Labial adhesions don’t come with symptoms and are usually uncovered during a routine exam. However girls may experience constant UTI’s as a result. According to Dr. Grossman, if the aforementioned emollients and creams do not work, “surgery is recommended,” she says.
But yes, it’s totally normal, and it’s all going to be fine.
Sofia Sanchez de Betak On Traveling with a Toddler Jet-set goals.
By Pilar Guzman | Photos courtesy of Sofia Sanchez
There are any number of blue-check personalities or stylish friends whose enviable continent-skipping lives you have to mute on the ‘gram from time to time. And then there is Sofia Sanchez de Betak, aka Chufy, whose improbable pace and next-level adventures with her one-year-old daughter Sakura fall so far outside of FOMO’s earthly boundaries that you can only applaud her in between “likes.” The Argentinian-born multilingual polymath — art director, model, travel writer and now fashion designer — calls Paris, Mallorca, Buenos Aires, and, until recently, New York City home.
That’s in part to her own line of work as the creative director and designer of her travel-inspired eponymous fashion label Chufy and that of her husband, Alex de Betak, who produces and choreographs some of the fashion world’s highest profile shows. But in some ways she was born to live a peripatetic lifestyle: As the daughter of daughter of South America’’s most celebrated “travel fixer” Maita Barrenechea, Chufy spent her childhood traveling around the world with her mother as she scouted emerging destinations and off-the-beaten path experiences throughout Uruguay, Argentina, and Chile for her discerning clientele. She has carried on the tradition with what she calls, her “gypsy, hippie” lifestyle into adulthood, and now as a mother of one.
We recently caught up with Sofia in New York and asked her about her philosophy–and hacks–around traveling with her (and without her) child.
We know you grew up traveling with your parents so taking a one-year-old around the world is less daunting to you than most. What’s your philosophy around traveling with babies and children?
If we haven’t traveled to a place, or when we have ideas about things from afar or from an unknown cultural point of view that seems scary or different, it’s easy to have that vertigo feeling when thinking about traveling with a baby. I try to always remind myself and other people that mothers are mothers all over the world, raising their kids with all the same sets of fears and hopes around keeping them safe and fed, giving them good values, loving them. Cultural differences become less pronounced through the lens of motherhood.
How important is it to you to expose your child to other cultures or even experiences closer to home that are outside of your/their comfort zone.
I think it’s good to have a little bit of fear of the unknown and then come out on the other side of that, as we always do. No matter what ideas you might have about a place or a culture, you will almost always be surprised. If you never go anywhere out of fear of disrupting (and anywhere can mean going to different neighborhoods where your kids see people with different backgrounds, eat different foods), you will have a hermetically raised “Tupperware child” who doesn’t know how to deal with different situations and scenarios. And as far as the parent is concerned, I believe children shouldn’t be an impediment to exploration, adventures of any kind, they should be brought along for the ride. It’s important to remind yourself that kids grow up everywhere under all sorts of conditions, which should give you some sense of comfort that as long as you love and protect your kid, they will be okay. And I would argue, they’ll be better off for having been exposed to as many different circumstances and styles of child-rearing as possible.
Above and right: Sofia and Sakara in Myanmar. All photos courtesy of Sofia Sanchez de Betak
If your kids never see people of different backgrounds, you will have a hermetically raised “Tupperware child.”
Your mom is an award-winning travel agent who specializes in one-of-a-kind trips through South America. What was it like growing up traveling all the time and how did it shape you?
My parents both worked a lot, so I was thrown into the travel industry — it was a huge part of their lives and therefore of mine. Many times we went on scouting trips and many times we were brought along to a travel fair or hotel. Their travel lifestyle, which was a mix of work and pleasure but led with work, became our lifestyle. We are close and my parents chose to have us along with them, next to their life and their routines. If you have a life that takes you away from home, you have to make a choice as a parent. You either bring kids along for the adventure or you leave them at home. If you leave them at home, you lead parallel lives with your parents, which I think isn’t fair to them or to you. But there are trade-offs of course. Routines are great for kids and so we try to maintain certain rituals even when we are in different places. I am very lucky that I have a wonderful nanny who speaks many languages and who helps me maintain these routines when I’m working and when we are traveling.
If you grow up seeing lots of things and being okay with change and uncertainty, you get to see the world through your parents’ eyes. Part of the learning as you get older is make your own decisions and opinions about things you first see with your parents. If you haven’t experienced as a fully formed adult what they’ve experienced it becomes just a concept. An unfounded concept. If you watch them and walk beside them and are empowered to have and express your own opinions then and when you are older, then you can make your own way. I’d like my child to see my lifestyle which is more hippie and let her make her own opinions in the world when she is older.
“I think it’s good to have a bit of fear of the unknown.”
“Routines are great for kids, so we try to maintain certain rituals.”
“Growing up, my parents’ travel lifestyle became our lifestyle.”
Tell us about your recent trip to Everest, which we saw in your Instagram.
I went to Everest for work. It was amazing to be able to have an opinion about it after reading and seeing so much about it over the years. I left Sakura for four days, which was hard but good for me and for her. Four days with her father is good for her. I think all couples should trade off parenting kids as much as possible. If you put the power of daily responsibility to only one parent, then they take over, no matter how hard you try to balance things. I went to Everest base camp as an ambassador for Bally, which has deep roots in Alpine and expedition. Bally sponsored a major recycling and cleanup campaign expedition last spring after avalanches buried full camps under snow as well supplying oxygen tanks for sherpas. I was there to help promote that effort.
I realized pretty much anyone can go to basecamp. It’s not expensive and you don’t need to get permits. Obviously it’s a different challenge if you want to summit. You really need two weeks. It’s quite intense. We did one day of hiking. While there were no earthquakes it was queuing that was the challenge.
My impression having spent only a few days is that people underestimate the earth’s challenges. We were going by helicopter to basecamp. Unfortunately, there wasn’t enough of a weather opening to go further. If I’m being honest, we all kind of underestimated the importance of the mountain. People go there to conquer it, but what I realized is that you have to respect the mountain. Like the ocean. Same with Antarctica. People who try to summit take off two months. You acclimate. Go up and down and get used to it. Acclimate yourself to the speed of weather movement–there is a storm in one moment and bright sun in the next. You realize everyone is like “hurry up and get a picture.” This particular season there was bad weather for long stretches. When the weather finally opened up this year , everyone went all at the same time. Normally the groups are staggered a bit, but because there was a backlog and because everyone had paid their $50,000, the guides felt obligated to let all 200 to 300 people up at once to compensate for the short opening. After waiting for so long, people felt they shouldn’t have to wait for another week, which is, of course, wrong.
We all need to accept that we chose to take this risk and can’t rush nature. Also the government, not just the guides, should be really clear about the limitations.
“I try to bring as little as I can and I wear only what’s comfortable.”
Where have you been with Sakura?
We’ve been to Mallorca, Paris, New York, London, Marrakesh, Mexico, Buenos Aires, Lima, Cusco, Costa Rica, St. Barths, Madrid, Emirates and Antigua. I went to India, Saudi and Qatar without her, then UAE with her. Crazy, I know!
Wow! How do you stay organized with all of your travels?
Who said I’m organized! I have a spreadsheet. I also have a nanny who is with me and she goes home for 10 days every other month, or every month or when it fits both our schedules. She lives in Madrid. She comes with me everywhere. She goes from Paris to Madrid, came to Peru, Costa Rica. I recognize what a privilege that is every single day of my life. She is truly amazing.
What do you pack?
I used to travel with everything. Now I go pretty minimal when it comes to Sakura. I actually check a lot for myself and carry very little on the plane. I also try to leave a little in Paris and a little in New York. I travel with a big reusable bottle of water, which we fill up after security and share. I used to bring a blanket, not anymore. I used to travel with pants and socks for her, but now I only travel with onesies so I don’t lose things. Socks and shoes are the worst! One toy. At first I traveled with a bunch of toys, but then I realized that she’s more interested in or distracted by a seatbelt than anything I ever brought, so I learned to be a minimalist with her.
What do you wear on the flight?
I try to bring as little as I can and I wear only what’s comfortable. A zipper boot or open loafer, or a slipper kind of shoe. Sometimes I wear a maxi dress and pajama pants underneath. I used to wear high-waisted jeans, but with the baby stepping on my stomach, I decided no jeans or anything with a tight waist. In the beginning I used to travel with a hundred things, now I pack almost nothing. If she gets dirty she gets dirty.
“We recognize how portable she is at this age and that things will change as she gets older.”
“Having been exposed to so many cultures, traveling is just part of her character.”
We are dying to hear about your trip to Machu Picchu with Luxury Collection, which we know was the inspiration behind your Peruvian line. Tell us about it.
Sakura loves being outdoors. Everytime she sees the carrier she gets excited. Having been exposed to so many climates and cultures, traveling is just part of her character. I have a strong, sporty, cultured nanny who is super curious, which makes it super joyful and, frankly, possible especially when I have to work. One day we wanted to do an intense hike along the Inca Trail on the last day. My mom, who was with us, warned me that it wasn’t a good idea to do it with Sakura on my back, even though we had hiked part of it with her. I’m glad we didn’t do it. It was a very intense hot day. Instead our nanny took her by train and we met her when we got to the top. We all got to enjoy it a lot more.
What about the food?
She loved the food in Peru. It was a good way to get her into fish. We were there for six days.
What’s your schedulelike on these trips?
We don’t really keep a consistent schedule or classes. It’s tricky because we move around so much. In Paris I found a Japanese calligrapher who mostly speaks Japanese to her. We do an art class. That’s my only thing that I’ve found stable in Paris. We tend to invite lots of kids over to our house to do group activities that we organize. We go to puppet theater. We take her to museum of natural history museum. We also recognize how portable she is at this age and that things will change as she gets older.
Do you have any secrets to dining out?
While not everyone loves babies, lots of people do and are so sweet with Sakura. We go to places where we know the hostess and other staff, and especially if you go early when things are quiet, we find that so many people are willing to hold her or walk her around for a few minutes–just enough time for us to take a few bites. This has made her much more adaptable to different people, which we love.
The Dawn of the Digital Doula Samantha Huggins cares for clients from afar.
By Samantha Huggins | Photo courtesy of Samantha Huggins
Navigating birth and the postpartum space means learning a whole new way of doing things and a new language. Had you ever heard of a footmuff before becoming pregnant? Go ahead and google it, I can totally wait. As pregnant women you’re suddenly expected to be body AND baby literate and automatically know exactly what to ask at the right moment and from the right people. More than ever, we could use a person in our corner that knows how to navigate and prepare for all of this. Someone who knows what to look out for and is on your side on a more intimate level. Enter the doula.
What makes hiring a doula an obvious choice is reflected in the satisfaction rates of the people who have worked with doulas ahead of having their babies and living that newborn baby and parent life. People are happier overall when they feel heard, supported and they understand what is happening to and around them. Doulas can help you and your family to achieve this by directing you towards information about the processes so that you can better think through what pathway you would like to create to achieve your birth and early parenthood goals.
We are being asked more than ever what it is we do exactly and how we can help virtually. My coy but honest answer is, it depends. Each client we work with will have a unique set of needs that we will address with them specifically. But in general, doulas are the preppers of preppers. We are your biggest advocate in advocating for yourselves and we will get all “gym coach” on you or love you up as much as you need. And thanks to all of the great technology and the internet, we can do it digitally through a series of virtual meetings, through our robust resource lists, shared docs, phone calls, text and chat.
Doulas are your biggest advocate in advocating for yourselves and we will get all “gym coach” on you or love you up as much as you need.
Here is what a doula can do virtually:
We plan with you: If you have figured anything out about being pregnant, it’s that it’s time to plan. Outcomes, homecomings, babies that bring nothing to the party but themselves. Since it’s new territory for you but also a path walked by many, there are tons of options to consider and a lot of stories being shared that are meant to help you identify your set of preferences. Your doula can help you tease out what will be helpful and empowering for you, for your labor and the postpartum time. From selecting your medical team to choosing your bouncy chair, doulas have their finger on the pulse of your local birthing community and can point you in the right direction when it comes to who and what to connect with.
We know what you need and what you do not when it comes to your nursery, your pantry, your closet and under your bathroom sink. Hint: your registry is based on YOUR needs too. Going through your registry and all of its elements with your doula can help you to prepare for your baby in a way that will save you on managing returns and help to focus your energy on the products you actually will use versus the ones that just sound useful and end up taking up space and collecting dust. We all have an extra deep love for our delivery people but this is not who you want to be spending the bulk of your time with when you’re figuring out infant feeding with less sleep than you’re used to.
Samantha Huggins works with clients, both on-site and virtually. All photos courtesy of Samantha Huggins
We educate you: If there was a time to deep dive on evidence based information and weed out the internet fluff, this is it. Dr. Google is awesome but when we use this wild and vast tool to find the yes or no answers, we are often left feeling more confused than when we started our search. Your doula can help you source information that is evidence based, ethically collected and easily digestible. And if it’s outside of our wheelhouse, we will refer you back to that totally awesome midwife or doctor we helped you to connect with. We can also help you find the right classes to deepen your understanding of birth and how to change a diaper and when your class is over, you can circle back to us if you have any questions that were not covered in the original material. Want to learn more about birth, cooking for your postpartum, what postpartum can look like??? Ask a doula. We love a good book and article list and have a ton of great recommendations that are written with the intent of empowering you to elevate your experiences.
We listen to you: Doulas have a great ear. The first step in learning how to advocate for yourself is finding someone who has the time and energy to deeply listen without attachment. This is a tenet of doula work. You will know it when it’s happening because you can say something to us, receive an unflinching ear and then dig a little deeper. Now you have a chance to sit in this deeper space within yourself where your desires lay in wait. By allowing those thoughts to surface and then digesting that new material and teasing it out with your partner or a close friend, will help you to determine your family’s core goals and convictions on a macro level. Then your doula can offer suggestions to help break those goals down into smaller realistic ones and so on until a plan or list of preferences is identified and confidence is built. This can take days, weeks, months even. But what better to do that build a strong foundation and steady yourself the best you can while you’re growing little baby toes?
We are non-medical support and witnesses: We do not offer advice in any therapeutic way that could impact the outcome of your health, the health of the pregnancy or your infant virtually or otherwise. We do offer a way back to your center. This means we can remind you throughout your birthing and postpartum processes that you are strong, that no means no without discussion, that there are options and that there is a way out of this space that might not feel good right now. Some families are giving birth where we can be virtually present via Facetime, Zoom, Whats App or other mode. Others are not. When we work with families virtually, we will plan for you to tune into us whenever and however it feels right for you. Often little check ins along the way, even by text, feels great and is like having an ally in your pocket. In the postpartum, we pick up again with long virtual hangs, infant feeding support and little teachings on all of our favorite tips and tricks.
Navigating big life changes is big work. With an open mind, a deep breath and a little creativity, you will see that your lines of support and your own voice are with you. Doulas are here to support you. We have been and will continue to be.
Cait Regan, Founder Of Maluhia Moonstone On Sunshine, Sex While Pregnant & Saving Money
Sunshine girl and total vision, Cait has serious California vibes. With the lingering scent of sea salt on her sun-kissed skin, the esthetician and founder of Maluhia Moonstone, a lux moonstone infused oil (for the ultimate beachside glow!) is about to have her first with her BFF/husband. Here, she shares why she went vegan two years ago, what they’re doing to prep for baby (including save money!), her plans to raise their son plant-based, and sex while pregnant!
How have you been feeling?
Overall, I’ve felt really good the entire time. In the first trimester, I had a bit of nausea but throughout the 2nd and 3rd that subsided and I’ve never felt better.
Wellness throughout?
I went to a chiropractor and acupuncturist which has kept my energy levels really high. Plus, I’ve kept to a plant-based healthy diet, drink a ton of water, and I do a lot of walking to avoid pregnancy workout classes 😉
I never once threw up, I drank lots of water and ginger was my life stave.
Plant-based? Is that how you typically eat?
I’ve been a full vegan for about two years. For most of my life, I have been dairy-free as I’m allergic to it and even as an infant, my mom had me on rice formulas and soy milk. But now I don’t eat anything from an animal be it eggs, butter, ghee, dairy, or fish. I was never the type that would order a dinner that was meat based anyways, so it wasn’t a big sacrifice — but I do miss sushi! My go-to for most of my meals have been protein, rice, and veggies
As an adult, I struggled with skin issues like acne and exisami. I tried everything under the sun and nothing helped with these issues. I was also finding the more people I spoke to that looked amazing with glowy skin said they were vegan or vegetarian which made me look into it. Since I’ve always been an animal lover anyway and never LOVED eating meat, I decided it was time to give it up. Almost immediately my skin cleared up, my exaima was gone, I naturally lost a bit of weight and in general, I just feel better.
Any crazy cravings?
I try to be good, but once and a while I succumb to my cravings! I definitely have been craving more carbs, and have been reaching for vegan pizza, pasta, and donuts. I’ve been trying to stay away from gluten even when I splurge on these carbs as gluten while tastier makes me feel terrible afterward and really affects the way I look too. It’s significant the difference. If I eat regular pasta vs gluten free, the next day I am noticeably puffy.
How are you prepping for the baby?
Lots of budgeting and home cooking! We try to eat mainly at home, for health reasons and to save money. As we get older we have been trying to create and stick to a budget instead of spending paycheck to paycheck. When I actually calculate how much I’m spending on ordering a coffee every day it really adds up! On the weekends we splurge, go get coffee out and eat a great meal, but during the week we try to eat at home plus I bring a snack, lunch, and protein shakes to work with me.
Will you raise your son a vegan?
We’re planning to raise our son on a plant-based diet as well. Both my parents and husband are vegetarians too, therefore we would have to go out of our way to make meat for him considering no one in the family eats this way. As he gets older he can decide to eat meat if he gets curious or if he wants to stay plant-based, but initially this is how we’re planning to raise him.
What was your road to pregnancy?
We’re so lucky! We had heard so many stories that it could take months and my OB told us on average it takes couples about a year to conceive. Therefore we had it in our heads that it would take a while and then bam three months after we got married we were pregnant! We were very blessed and excited!
Do you have a birth plan or na?
I’m due in two weeks but he’s breech right now so he might be joining us early! They’re giving him another week to put his head down, and if he doesn’t turn then we’ll have a C-section as I’m not a candidate for Breech Vaginal Birth. Based on how he’s positioned in my pelvis, I’m at risk for umbilical cord compression. It’s so unpredictable, I could go into labor tonight, or he could turn head down and not come for another three weeks. Who knows at this point!
Will you take maternity leave?
I’m about to go on maternity leave from my skincare oil line as I make all the oils by hand, pack, and ship from my house. Right now, I’m winding down and am in full-on nesting mode in preparation for our son’s arrival.
Sex while pregnant?
YA! I was worried it was going to be weird for me, but it’s been super normal actually. Obviously position-wise it has changed but for the most part, it’s been great and nothing has been painful, awkward, or weird between us.
What is moonstone oil?
I make a moon-stone infused oil that is a multi-purpose cold press rose-hip oil full of antioxidants and vitamin C for hair, skin, and body. I infuse it with moonstone — which you either believe in the power of crystals or you don’t–which are considered to possess divine feminine energy that’s said to be healing and connected to fertility. I sell direct-to-consumer and have a handful of stockiest around the country from Hawaii to NYC. Originally I was a licensed esthetician in the cosmetic surgery works, which I’ve taken a leave from to go the more natural organic route. Funny enough I launched Mahulia Moonstone just before I got pregnant, so I kind of have two new babies at once!
Nanny or no?
My parents recently moved down here from Chico, a small town in northern California where I grew up, and my husband’s family lives in Santa Barbara, so we’re planning to go the family route and take advantage of our parents being so close. We’re super close, so it feels right to have them around to help, plus it’s free and trusted!
What are you most looking forward to in new motherhood?
I’m so excited for the moment that I get to hold him for the first time as I can’t imagine how I can love this little human any more than I already do.
What’s your pregnancy style?
Your jumpsuit! I live in the Holly Jumper; it’s been a lifesaver for going out, looking cute and actually having people compliment my outfit. I’m at that stage where even leggings are uncomfortable and I don’t want anything touching my body.
Any advice….
I’ve found that when I let go, don’t over analyze or stress about anything, all the things fall into place. From trying to conceive to being pregnant I’ve resolved that you can take two routes to anything, either the “high strung stressed out approach” or the “deep breath learn from the experience” route. The latter, in my experience, is generally the better course and leads to a positive mindset. I’ve seen it work wonders for myself. Pregnancy has been so wonderful for me that it makes me want 500 babies, which most definitely freaks my husband out!
Carly Cushnie, the founder of fashion brand CUSHNIE, could best be described as lovely, smart, serene, and stunning. A total unicorn, and one of those people that you want to be around. Full stop. We caught up with this beauty during the homestretch of her pregnancy. Here, she shares on the transition from pregnancy to new motherhood while learning to juggle her team and the needs of her daughter. Plus, taking three months of maternity as a business owner and her post-pregnancy recovery. @carlycushnie
How is new motherhood?
Crazy. I have no idea what I thought it would be, but it’s definitely crazy. It’s beautiful chaos.
How old is she now and are you sleeping?
She’s a month old! I actually got a little bit of sleep last night so I feel good today. The other nights have not been so good.
She came a week early, which was very unexpected as I had it set in my mind that she was either going to come late or on time as typically first babies come late. I started having contractions on Saturday night and we went to the hospital on Sunday. I was really concerned about going to the hospital too early as I had several friends that got sent home for going to the hospital too early. I was really conscious of this. We live in Brooklyn, and NYU is in the city, so I tried to stay at home for as long as possible. By the time we finally got to the hospital, I was 4.5cm dilated. They gave me an epidural and I pushed for less than 30 min! She was born 6lbs and 1oz. It was an amazing experience and I loved my doctor plus NYU Hospital.
Funny enough…
Prior to delivery, my husband and I had discussed that he would be by my shoulder the whole time as he didn’t want to see anything, or cut the umbilical cord. Which was fine with me, so long as he was in the room supporting me. I had this nurse with me for most of the time while I was waiting to deliver, however, by the time I got to the hospital and it was time to push they were having a shift change, therefore, it was only my nurse and doctor in the room. So, they told my husband to grab a leg! He was like, “WAIT, WHAT, that’s not in the plan!” But, he grabbed a leg! The doctor kept telling him to look when the head was coming out. He refused although he was in plain view of everything. 🙂
The whole thing is surreal. For the first few days after birth, there’s all of these nurses and doctors checking in on you constantly. Then when you’re sent home, it’s almost as if you’re released into the wild to fend for yourself. My mom came two days after she was born to help out which has been wonderful. At first, it all felt like a whirlwind from pediatrician appointments to the lactation consultant. Now that we’re settling into a rhythm, it’s amazing having this little human to take care.
How are you managing running a business and having new baby?
My team is incredible and I have every confidence in them. They either come over to review things with me or they send packages via messenger and we FaceTime. I have my resort collection coming out and we have been FaceTimeing for the fittings so I can see the styles on the model as its such an important part of the creative process. Plus, I try to be available as much as possible to answer questions. It’s been great having my parents here so that they can hold her while I get a bit of work done. Plus, my husband has been fantastic support too! It’s been a lot to juggle, but we’re making it work.
What’s your support system?
Starting next week, for the next two months of maternity leave I’m going to go into the office for one or two days a week and, I’ll bring her with me. Next week my parents are switching off with my mother in law and she’ll come to the office with me. Oscar and I don’t have any family here in NYC so it’s been such a blessing that our parents have been able to come and help. The plan is to hire a nanny when I go back to work full time and our parents have left. I thought about getting a night nurse but decided against it as I wanted to make the most of these precious first few months with her. Now, don’t get me wrong, there definitely times that I’m up at night and really wishing that I had a nurse! All jokes aside, I think it was the right decision especially because my parents and my mother-in-law were able to come out. It’s truly been a family affair!
I probably don’t do enough. Somehow I feel that I get to the end of the day and have no idea where it went. Although I made it to acupuncture the other day and I have a great guy that comes over for massages with a table that with removable sections for the boobs (so you don’t have to lie on them when they are sore!) and sections for your belly when you’re pregnant. That has been really great for me. Plus, I’ll do the odd sheet mask while she’s breastfeeding and I’ve been trying to get out of the house for walks and fresh air (but even that has proven to be difficult).
What have you been eating post-birth?
Overall I’ve been trying to eat well which includes a lot of oatmeal with oat milk as apparently, it’s good for milk production. I’ve also been making a green smoothy every day. Plus I have a lot of fish, vegetables, brown rice, and sweet potatoes. Plus, Danielle and Whitney from Sakara Life are sending me some Sakara next week.
To be honest my diet could probably have been better when I was pregnant. I would have greens here and there, but truthfully I only wanted carbs. I tried to eat the best I could within what I was craving but if I didn’t have without carbs I felt ravenous and would be climbing the walls.
Also, did you work out while pregnant?
I thought I was going to be one of those women that worked out all through my pregnancy as I love working out in my everyday life. However, every time I worked out I literally couldn’t move the next day. It did not make me feel good, so I honored my body and refrained from working out. When everyone says you have to listen to your body, you really do as it’s telling you all kinds of things that you’ve never heard before and it’s giving you all types of issues that you’ve never had before. The reality is, it’s only ten months and then you can get back to business as usual.
And what about now?
I haven’t been given my six weeks “all clear” yet, so while I feel ok to workout now, I don’t want to push it. I’ll wait until I’m given the go-ahead as I may feel fine on the outside but who knows what is still healing on the inside. With that said, I am really looking forward to working out and get my adrenaline pumping!
Any advice…
Since becoming a mom, I’ve become a lot more efficient with my time and I’m also learning to be easy on myself. A big win for me was setting a plan with my team before I went on maternity leave, and realizing where I can step back with the team and where I need to lean. I can’t say it enough to pregnant ladies that are also working, plan as much as you can before you leave for maternity leave so that you can focus and enjoy the time with your new baby.
How Every Mother Counts Supports Women During Covid-19 And how you can help.
Most of us know that Every Mother Counts (EMC) does some pretty inspiring work to support maternal health around the world. If you’re not familiar, Christy Turlington Burns’ 10-year-old organization is aiming to reverse the triggering statistics surrounding maternal mortality and birthing, namely that 303,000 women die around the world as a result of complications of pregnancy and childbirth, 94 percent of which occur in the developing world. By raising awareness, mobilizing communities and investing in local programming, EMC’s goal is to inspire action, drive change and create quality, respectful, and equitable maternity care for all. It’s no wonder then, that Melissa DeRosa, Secretary to the Governor and Chair of the New York State Council on Women and Girls, invited Christy to be on a Covid-19 maternity task force.
Now, in the time of Covid-19, EMC has been hard at work creating safe birthing conditions for women as well as legalizing family care. In late March, the organization mobilized its community to help pass the Families First Coronavirus Response Act (H.R. 6201)—a bill that will provide free Covid-19 testing, 14 days paid emergency sick leave, three months paid family and medical leave, expanded unemployment insurance, additional Medicaid dollars and more. And, in case you missed it, it created a resource hub with general information on Covid-19 and maternal health for expecting parents, new moms and providers. It’s also helping its grantees assemble and distribute at-home prenatal care kits featuring fetal dopplers, blood pressure monitors and urine tests, so women can get crucial prenatal information remotely, as well as working with doula organizations in New York, California and Florida to train and equip doulas with technology for telehealth support and offer food and diapers for new mothers.
“Our mission is to make pregnancy safe for every mother everywhere,” an EMC spokesperson says. “During Covid-19, we’re support initiatives that help enable safe and respectful births including equipping our maternity care providers with the proper technology, food, and supplies.”
Yael Braun On Being Pregnant For The Third Time, Yoga For The First Time, And Calamari All The Time
Co-founder of Fuck Cancer and Motherlucker, Yael Braun is pregnant with her third (a girl!). Herein she shares her crazing craving, recent yoga obsession, plus prepping (or not) for baby number three. @yael@letsfcancer @motherlucker_
Current state of mind?
I’m nearing the finish line, and overall I’m feeling ok. Everything has gone quicker this time, and I oscillate between wanting to die or forgetting that I’m pregnant, plus I’m chasing two boys around! The advantage to having done this before is that I don’t have any of the anxiety or terror that comes with being pregnant for the first time—I don’t panic with every cramp or obsessively look up stages of the pregnancy—which makes the whole process a lot more relaxing. However, it’s equally not relaxing because I’m running after two kids and never get to sit down.
How are you preparing for your little girl?
Now that we’re on our third, I prepare a lot later and a lot less. At this point, I’ve realized what I need versus what I don’t. With my first, I bought so much in excess. I remember feeling like I needed a high chair the minute my son was born. However, over time and with practice, I’ve gotten better and know all she really needs are diapers and a safe place to sleep at night.
Wellness or self-care hacks while pregnant?
It’s so sweet that you think I have time for that! No wellness hacks here. I sit much less these days because of the boys, which is dope, but not by choice. I also tore my labrum in both of my hips when I went back to working out too soon after having Levi and have not really been able to work out since. The only thing I can do is yoga. It’s the first time in my life that I’ve done it and I love it! I’ve been practicing with this woman Desi Bartlett, and honestly, she’s like heaven personified with the most incredible energy. She specializes in prenatal, post-natal, and moms in general. I can’t figure out if I like yoga or her, but either way, I’m super into it. I’ll continue post-baby as well, but mostly because of her.
What are you eating and craving?
I want to say “ I’m eating so fresh and so clean!” However, what I am eating is a lot of calamari and biscotti. For the most part, I try to stay away from the stuff that’s dangerous and get enough of the nutrients that I need, but I also I eat a fuck-ton of baked goods and fried calamari. I’ll go so far as to choose the restaurants we go to based on their calamari offering. I’ll even Postmates it. Have you ever had lukewarm calamari? Not good, but I can’t help myself.
With Jagger, I ate exclusively bagels, mostly plain, but if I felt ok, I would have cheese or avocado on it. I would eat at least one or two bagels a day. Oh, and I ate Sheet Cake from Ralphs! Then with Levi, I ate a Bay City Subs cheese sandwich every day. In short, carbs are my jam and it’s a miracle my children are thriving!
What’s in the works for Motherlucker?
We recently did a mini-series with Facebook called Gotta A Sec, that I’m super excited about. The first episode is airing this month. It’s a funny and honest parenting series based on rapid-fire questioning with a few of our favorite parents. You can watch it on Motherlucker’s Facebook page here.
And how about F*ck Cancer?
We’re throwing our first gala in a few weeks at the Warner lot in LA, to celebrate our ten year anniversary and the launch of our new site. I’m proud of the relaunch of the website as we brought back a lot of our resources and tools from the early days with a focus on the heart, mind, soul, and relationships. For example, solid information on how to tell your mom or partner you have cancer—emotional support with actionable items, that is often left out of most cancer discussions.
Are you planning to take maternity leave?
For me, maternity leave has changed with every kid. The first time was more of a true maternity leave, but with the second I was running after the first, so there wasn’t time to take off and be in a 40-day cocoon. Moreover, when you’re participating in “real life” but not “work-life”, it feels like you might as well be participating in “work-life” too. With Levi, I worked early on, and with our little girl, I’ll likely do the same as I love what I’m doing, and I’m on the board of some exciting companies. I don’t entirely know what it’s going to look like, but I’ll take the time I need to adjust to being a family of five and go from there. I’ll let you know afterward! Haha
On practicing a 40-Day mindset post-baby?
While I love the sentiment of 40 Days postpartum, it’s hard for me to fully implement, so I do a light version. Nursing makes me very hungry and thirsty so I have a lot of bone broth and try not to eat cold foods. I order bone broth from Osso Bone Broth online and they deliver it. I’m also down for the placenta pills, although I don’t know if the benefits are placebo. All I know is that I didn’t do it with Jagger, but I did with Levi, and I felt the difference.
Any advice…
Make safe decisions for you and your baby and the rest will fall into place. Ignore the generation of Pinterest moms that try to make you believe if you don’t if you don’t apply to preschool in utero or have your 4-month-old in Mandarin lessons than you’re failing as a mom—this is total bullshit. Only you know what’s best for your family, not the internet, not Pinterest, not the mom at school drop off, only YOU.
For me, maternity leave has changed with every kid. The first time was more of a true maternity leave, but with the second I was running after the first, so there wasn’t time to take off and be in a 40-day cocoon. Moreover, when you’re participating in “real life” but not “work-life”, it feels like you might as well be participating in “work-life” too. With Levi, I worked early on, and with our little girl, I’ll likely do the same as I love what I’m doing, and I’m on the board of some exciting companies. I don’t entirely know what it’s going to look like, but I’ll take the time I need to adjust to being a family of five and go from there. I’ll let you know afterward! Haha
Why Marz Lovejoy Livestreamed Her Home Birth It was for a good cause.
By Ruthie Friedlander
Unapologetically sexy and super spirited, Marz is an advocate for mothers everywhere. Having come up as a model and in the music industry, this earth-shaker, baby-maker decided to live-stream her home birth and utilize her vast network in support of Black, WOC, and LGBTQ doulas, midwives, mothers, and Amber Isaac’s family.
Here, she talks about the epic experience of sharing her birth publicly during a pandemic, plus, the power of self-acceptance, the importance of having a strong support system, and living life with extraordinary gratitude. @marzylovejoy
Before
Pregnancy is?
Sexy. I know that’s not the typical answer as pregnant women are somehow meant to abandon their sexiness, sexuality, and sensuality. However, the more this concept of being matronly was imposed on me by society and the maternity section of every clothing store, the more I resisted, wanting to show off my beautiful pregnant body.
During my first pregnancy I felt so sexy. I was featured in Vogue, The NY Times, walked 6 months pregnant in 6-inch heels for fashion week, and posed pregnant for Savage X. Since, then I’ve felt a calling to advocate and represent women becoming mothers in a new light, a different, less traditional way.
How are you advocating for mothers?
Outside of showing the world that pregnant women and mothers are sensual, incredible creatures, I’m using my pregnancy and home birth as an educational and awareness tool. Black women and women of color are not being heard and often don’t have the resources or knowhow to advocate for themselves. With COVID this is only getting worse. According to birth workers and pregnant women I speak to, the hospitals are inundated, so they’re rushing births and inducing labors to get women out of the hospitals faster. This treatment of women is unacceptable and has proven fatal.
I’m disheartened for my sisters that are experiencing neglect and anxiety. For most people, until they see something like Amber Isaac, a young, healthy 27-year-old, it doesn’t hit home. Her death has brought to light how real the situation is; people are finally starting to understand the severity.
I had a home birth in 2018 with my daughter so I’m familiar with the experience. Plus, now that hospitals are overwhelmed, I feel especially confident in my choice to home birth.
At the end of February, we went to Tulum on vacation expecting to be gone for a week. While away, the world closed. Unsure of what to do, we extended our vacation in Mexico and considered sheltering-in-place. However, when the State Department closed the US borders we decided it would be too much of a risk to remain in Tulum and decided to head back to the US.
Instead of going back to NYC, we came to my mother’s home in St. Paul, Minnesota. My family’s had this land for generations and my son will be the fifth generation born in this house, including myself. We’re spending time being still, going back to our roots, and preparing to bring a new baby into the world.
Difference between pregnancies?
This pregnancy has been SO different from my first from my energy levels to the state of the world. Outside of the emotional challenges that accompany being pregnant during a pandemic, I got viral meningitis and found out I have a tumor in my jaw which needs to be removed. All in all, it’s been a lot and I’ve had to work hard to remain positive.
That said, I’ve been trying to stay grounded and remember how fortunate I am to have a strong community filled with love and support. I’m super blessed as so many people have much less from housing to financial stability and supportive relationships. It’s important to understanding keep in perspective your personal privileges.
Staying grounded?
In the beginning it was tough because I felt very hormonal. However I’ve learned to surrender to pain rather than resists it to come out the other side. Also, I find doing things for others, plus staying present for my toddler and husband allows me to show up for them and stay centered.
Often, as women, people turn to us like we’re superheroes and while that’s nice to be thought of that way, creating a life is big business. It takes a lot of energy, heart work, healing, and recharging. Therefore, I make the time to pray, go for walks, breathe fresh air, feel the sun, take baths, sage the house, and speak up! When I need a moment for myself, I ask for help because I can’t be my best if I’m not getting my rest.
From my first contraction to his birth it was less than an hour. He was born 8 days late at 8lbs, 8oz and is a magical force! While we had elaborate plans to produce an amazing live-stream video, Mars was on his own mission. The entire experience was recorded as a 15-minute live stream from a laptop camera. As the saying goes, “the best laid plans…” The birth with seen around the world with viewers from every continent except for Antarctica. I feel so proud to have used my birth as a tool for awareness in support of black and brown mothers everywhere.
On a mission?
When I started this project I wanted to make it big and involve influential, inspiring black women from my network that would be down to support the cause. I reached out to Erykah Badu who agreed to be my virtual doula, plus Kehlani, and professional doulas like Latham Thomas of Mama Glow. Everyone has gone above and beyond to answer my call. It’s a beautiful thing when people rally in support of an important movement. Having this project and using my home birth as a tool to spread awareness about the severity of these issues has been an incredible experience; I’m extraordinarily grateful.
There are different levels of involvement. For example, Latham and Kehlani went live on IG at different times talking about our efforts, my birth, and new motherhood. Erykah Badu is blessing my birth and giving words of encouragement. While others like Diana Gordon and Ebonee Davis made short videos in support of our shared efforts and mission.
I have a go-fund-me @marzyjane and donations are highly appreciated. I’m working with two organizations in NYC and Minnesota to offer grants for doula training and sponsor mothers in need of financial support. Plus, I’m pledging a $1000 to Amber Isaacs’s family and have an angel donor who’s pledged to fund two mothers through postpartum therapy. We’re working with established organizations that know their communities, to help us choose mothers that need a birth center or postpartum service. Everybody has a story and we’re excited to help where we can.
Final thoughts?
Through my work, I want women to know they’re not alone. We are a community here to share information, and support one another. Everyone woman should have agency over their body, which is why I’m such a champion of doulas, midwives, birth workers, and nurses. We need to make sure every woman gets the care, love, and attention they deserve.
Also, being a mom is tough work. If you’re a friend of a new mom, show up, come through, bring a meal, and take the baby for bit so mom can have a shower. Forget simply sending a gift from the registry. I mean, that’s nice too, but mostly just show up for them. It takes a community, something I didn’t understand until becoming a parent. A lot of mothers are suffering in silence and haven’t showered in three days, all they want is a break and a good conversation
To women all over the world—how powerful we are to be able to carry this life for such a long time and go through different phases, physically, emotionally, mentally.”
First up is Mama Glow founder and maternal wellness expert, Latham Thomas, who’s served thousands of women on their pregnancy journey since 2003, when after giving birth to her son Fulano, she set out on a mission to help women reclaim birth. Since then, the New York-based wellness leader and master birth doula has been busy bridging the gap between optimal wellness, spiritual growth, and radical self care for a modern holistic lifestyle. We asked Latham if she could offer us some intel in finding the right doula for you, and the questions you should ask in advance to ensure your making the best choice for you and your baby.
Brandi Sellerz had a life-changing epiphany after reading 
We are being asked more than ever what it is we do exactly and how we can help virtually. My coy but honest answer is, it depends. Each client we work with will have a unique set of needs that we will address with them specifically. But in general, doulas are the preppers of preppers. We are your biggest advocate in advocating for yourselves and we will get all “gym coach” on you or love you up as much as you need. And thanks to all of the great technology and the internet, we can do it digitally through a series of virtual meetings, through our robust resource lists, shared docs, phone calls, text and chat. 
