Parenthood By The Numbers We did the math.

By Babe | Photo courtesy of iStock Good Moments

By the time you have middle schoolers, you sort of wish you could divert all of those gift funds frittered away on onesies and baby dresses (which you donated before the tags every came off) toward the mushrooming costs of raising kids.

According to the most recent study by the US Department of Agriculture, it costs an estimated $233,000 to get one kid from conception to college. “People know there is a cost to raising a child, but they often are encouraged to create families without considering the financial impact,” says Noah Rosenfard, a Florida-based CPA. “Parents want to become grandparents, women want to become mothers, men want to become fathers. It’s in our DNA. I’ve often heard people say, ‘It’s never a good time to have kids, just do it and you’ll figure it out.” 

Of course, there are serious caveats around where you live and how you live, but here is a snippet of some of the obvious and not so obvious costs so you can wrap your head around what the next 18 years (times two or three) will run you.

Parenthood by the numbers

$15,000
$3,784

The three-bedroom deluxe birthing suite at Cedars Sinai Medical Center

$2,100

A night nurse for one week in New York (not including meals)

$660

One year’s worth of Honest diapers

$120

One 12-week package at a Led Zeppelin-inspired baby music class

$22,850

One year of preschool at Williamsburg Montessori (bonnets included)

$5,200

Six days at Walt Disney World for a family of four (not including airfare)

$13,700

That bougie sleep-away camp in Maine

$300

One hour of couples therapy

$195

One private tennis lesson at New York’s Midtown Tennis

$64,000

One year at the Northeast liberal arts college of child’s choosing

$15:

ONE TITO’S DIRTY MARTINI

Photos from top to bottom: Randy Stulberg, iStock, iStock, @maison_leon, @ilsa_whk, @clarysarah, iStock, @notsomumsy, @ashleysargentprice, iStock, @ashleysargentprice, iStock, @notsomumsy

Noah’s tips on saving for baby

Pay yourself first: It’s a mantra you may have heard, but it’s a good one to follow.  Have automatic deductions for your retirement savings plan and direct your company to put 5-10% of your net pay into a separate savings account so it never goes into your account used to pay bills.  

Capitalize on raises: If you get a raise at work, try your best to save 100% of the newfound money.  You lived last year without it.  See if you can continue.  You’ll thank yourself later.

Diversify your income: Decide if there is a way for you to create a second or third income stream in your house.  Can you sell something on Etsy or eBay?  Freelance on Fiverr or Upwork?  Start your own blog or influencer platform?  If you can bring in a few extra dollars each month and put that aside for something special for your family, it will feel very rewarding.

Birth Stories: Jenny Parry

By Jenny Parry

BIRTH STORIES; Every mama has one. We encourage you to share your own birth story photo at #HATCHBirthStories

This is a story of the birth of our son Ryder.

On July 12th, my husband and I made plans to go to a couple of parties with friends. Seeing as my due date was far off (July 23rd), I figured: A) it was entirely safe to go and B) it could potentially be my last night out for a while, so best to make the most of it! Plus, I was feeling a little stir crazy from spending most nights at home up until that point.

Around 5 pm I got out of the shower and made a quick sandwich for dinner. Just as I was finishing eating, I felt a curious trickle of liquid!  Considering, I was nearly two weeks out, plus my doctor had assured me that I was only 1cm dilated and likely not ready to go for another week, this couldn’t be labor! However, when it kept coming, I called my doctor to get her opinion. However, since it was after hours, I had to speak with a nurse. The nurse mentioned that the cervical exam I had earlier that day, may have stripped my membranes; therefore it would be good to come in for an exam. At first, I thought it would go away, but when it didn’t, and more liquid kept coming, I had Jason drive me to the hospital.

On the way to see the doctor, my contractions began, and just as I got out of the car, my water broke! OK, now, I was definitely in labor! I had planned on laboring for as long as I could at home before I went to the hospital, but with the discharge, I knew something wasn’t right. As soon as we walked in, the nurse took one look at me and rushed me into the delivery room! It turns out it the discharge was meconium, and I needed to be hooked up to an IV right away. My doctor arrived and explained the situation—if the baby swallows any of the meconium he would have to go straight to NICU.

Leading up to the birth, I was on the fence about an getting an epidural. However, as I went into labor and could initially handle the contractions when they became more frequent and intense, I began to lose my focus and decided to get one. Moreover, I have to say, it was wonderful! The next few hours I tried to watch some television while Jason napped next to me. Around 1:30 am my doctor came in to check on me, and I was at 10cm! Therefore, she instructed me immediately start pushing, but he wasn’t progressing.  After some time, my baby’s heart rate dropped and wasn’t recovering, to avoid risk, they rushed me into an emergency c-section as it turns out he was breech. I had never been so scared or felt so helpless in all my life. The physical pressure was intense, plus I knew my doctor and the team were under immense pressure to birth my baby immediately. Then out of nowhere, my son’s cry pierced the air, and I let out a deep sigh of relief. The entire surgery was only three minutes, but it felt like a lifetime, and since it all happened so fast my husband wasn’t able to be in the room with us. However, as soon as he was born, they brought Jason into the room and placed our son on my chest. I felt the most incredible sense of relief and began to sob—Ryder was healthy and beautiful!

Throughout my pregnancy, I tried to keep a very loose birth plan, but I did have some expectations of how it would go. I imagined I would be at home laboring, walking around, have a vaginal birth, with immediate skin to skin, and then have my placenta encapsulated. However, none of that happened, and nothing went “as planned,” but in the end, I am merely grateful that light of my life was born healthy!

Birth Stories: Eden Grinshpan

By Eden Grinshpan | Photo's Courtesy of Eden

BIRTH STORIES; Every mama has one. We encourage you to share your own birth story photo at #HATCHBirthStories

This is a story of the birth of our daughter Ayv Rose.

I started having contractions around 2 AM, although I didn’t think they were contractions and instead felt that I’d thrown my back out! However, when they suddenly worsened, and I realized they were in fact contractions Ido called our doula to come over. She arrived at the apartment around 5 AM where I labored for another hour until I couldn’t take it anymore.

We called an Uber and headed to the hospital. I was moaning and screaming in pain, and couldn’t breathe or see straight. My doula kept telling me to exhale in a low tone, but I kept yelling in a high pitch, so halfway through my contraction (and crying) I would go low and sounded like a donkey! I can only imagine what the Uber driver must have thought—it was hilarious!

Related: Two of our Favorite Doulas Talk ALL Things Birthing

Upon arrival, they wheeled me into triage to check me, at which point I was six centimeters dilated. I begged for an epidural, and it was a gift from God!!! We spent the day at the hospital waiting as my contractions slowed down, but when it was finally time push around 6 pm, I pushed so hard that I went cross-eyed, literally. It was intense. She was born shortly after 7 pm, and Ido and I both cried when we saw her.

Eden Grinshpan birth story

We didn’t have a birth plan or go to a birthing class, but we did hire a doula and assumed the rest would sort itself out. I have to say one of the more unexpected parts of the process was not how exhausted I was from the birth but rather how exhausted I was during the 4th trimester because I didn’t sleep! Therefore, I can’t express enough to newly pregnant moms: rest as much as possible, take help when it’s offered, be kind, patient, and flexible with yourself. Childbirth and becoming a new mom is the hardest and most rewarding thing you will ever do in your life. Nothing will go as planned, but breathe through it and try to go with the flow as much as possible.

Let's Talk Cravings A vegan, a carbivore and a "whatever gal" weigh in.

Cravings are real. Like super real. And, when in the throes of a craving, there’s very little that satisfies outside of whatever it is that you’re craving. Or is there? Dare we ask, can we make smart choices when it comes to pregnancy cravings, or do we throw in the white flag and surrender to anything goes? 

Let’s find out. We asked Amanda Chantal Bacon, Denise Vasi, Violette_ Fr, Angi Greene, and Gail Simmons to share on their experience eating while pregnant. What did we learn? As it goes with all of pregnancy, no two styles are alike! 

The Health Nut
Amanda Chantal Bacon

“During my first trimester I was so nauseous it was crippling, which was weird because I didn’t tell anybody that I was pregnant. I was so sick and unfriendly at work that it started to read as rude when I stopped making eye-contact with everyone. However, as far as what I was eating, I needed animal fats every day, ALLLLL day. I couldn’t get enough yogurt, plus I was eating about 3/4 of a stick of raw butter on the daily, with about five pieces of toast — basically, the bread was a vehicle to get the butter down!

What's up with food aversions and food cravings?

Second trimester was incredible. I felt great with tons of energy as though I was in a perma-eyes-wide-open meditation. Even when I meditated, I would lightly close my eyes and be way out there! That was super fun. Plus, my eating returned to normal, better than normal, in fact. I wanted salads, green juice, and protein-rich foods, plus I had an aversion to sweets — which is so unlike me. I became the person that I always wanted to be; all the goals were happening, the boobs, the meditation, no sweet tooth, and patience. I was the dream version of myself.

And now, the third trimester, well, you know, it’s starting to get a little weird! After that second trimester, I thought it would be smooth sailing into my orgasmic birth…but no, shit is getting weird. I can’t stop eating, and the sweet tooth is back. I knew as much when my husband and I drove out to Ojai to go to a particular health food store that makes vegan, gluten-free buttermilk chocolate donuts with rainbow sprinkles! We could have saved the 4-hour drive and gotten a regular donut in LA, but no. I tried to tell myself that we were going to Ojai for “the nature” and hot springs, but really, it was that donut. I think my husband knew we were there for the donut when I got three and told him we could skip the hike. Perhaps this is the part where the cravings come in. Cute.”

The Vegan
Denise Vasi

“When pregnant, I’m less concerned with rules and more focused on listening to what my body needs. Leading up to this pregnancy, I didn’t know if my body was going to crave meat, and I prepared myself for that possibility (although I’ve yet to want it).  Everything that I follow is an 80/20 rule. I don’t believe in this idea of “cheating,” because who are you cheating? Nor do I like the term “cheat day.” Instead, I prefer to say we indulge. Plus, I practice vitamin + food combining, which teaches combining supplements with a specific food or another pill so that your body can best absorb the nutrient. For example, when I take vitamin D, I always have it with a half avocado, because the healthy fat will help to absorb the vitamin better. The way that you put things together enhances their effect so that your body gets the most out of it.” 

The Anything-Goes Gal
Gail Simmons

“With Dahlia, I craved very specific things, namely cold fruit and ice pops. This time I’ve been relatively even-keeled although very snacky. I go from an insatiable hunger to utterly full in two seconds, but want everything from pasta to candy to chocolate. Being in the food world has proved beneficial when it comes to an understanding of what I’m eating. I’m not particularly restrictive about what I eat, as long as I know it’s from a clean, quality source that’s nitrate & sulfate free. I’ve mainly been avoiding raw protein—eggs, and meat—but that ’s about it. I can’t stress enough the importance of making smart food choices and being educated on what you’re eating. 

For example, most cheese in America (unless you’re buying a rare European cheese) is fine, as it’s typically pasteurized or aged over 60 days—there’s very little to worry about in general regarding cheese in the States.

It’s important to be cautious about raw fish, meat, and eggs—mostly because of cross-contamination, as you don’t know how many people have handled it. I’m less worried about runny eggs during this pregnancy, but I’ll only eat eggs from a trusted source. I also try to avoid seafood filters like clams, oysters, and muscles, as it’s their job in the ocean to filter the water. I don’t eat soy for the same reason, as the soy plant acts like a sponge and it’s roots naturally absorb pesticides plus other contaminants while growing.”

The Carbivore
Violette_Fr

“Before I became pregnant, I had this vision of working out all the time and eating super clean, but you know how it is, once the hormones kick in, you’re like an animal, and there’s NOTHING you can do.  For the first four months, I couldn’t even look at a vegetable, a piece of meat, or fish (which has temporarily affected my hair without proper nutrients!), nor could I work out. I literally could only eat carbs and cheese, plus I was sleeping all of the time–so cliche, the French girl with the baguette! I was terrified. I thought that was the new me! Slowly the intensity of the first trimester began to wear off, and I was able to eat better and work out again.”

The Food Combiner
Melissa Wood

“During my first pregnancy, I was only at the beginning of my plant-based vegan journey, and towards the end of the nine months, I craved meat. However, this time, perhaps because I’ve been vegan longer, I haven’t had any weird cravings. When I was very sick, my doctor suggested that I try eating animal protein as it would give me more substance and help with the vomiting. I was desperate at that point and willing to try anything (literally anything) to feel better! Therefore, I made eggs a few times but immediately got sick. I also took a bite of Noah’s turkey & cheese sandwich (out of desperation on a flight), but then got sick. At some point, I gave up the notion that animal protein would help and accepted the fact that some women have sensitive pregnancies and I’d have to sit tight and wait it out.

Overall, my eating habits are not too far off from how I typically eat in my “non-pregnant life,” except that I eat a bit more. I have pure celery juice first thing in the morning on an empty stomach — I’ve been doing this for about three weeks and have never felt better. I’ve had celery juice for years mixed with other vegetables, but there’s something to be said about having it alone. Honestly, I was wary of jumping on this band-wagon as it’s such a “health” trend and I tend to be cautious about food trends. However, the benefits are incredible! It’s opened up this whole new energy level in me. About 30 minutes after my celery juice, I have a huge bowl of pineapple, nectarines, and raspberries, followed by two slices of avocado toast with sea salt, nutritional yeast, and lemon.

For lunch, I typically have a large salad with kale, cucumber, tomatoes, more avocado with lemon, apple cider vinegar, and olive oil dressing. I’ll pair the mixture with a veggie burger with Veganese, lettuce, avocado, and Zekial bread (I’ve been much hungrier these days). I either have plant-based burgers like the Omni burger or a veggie burger by Dr.Preggers — I find the veggie burger gives me that added substance my body needs while pregnant. I generally don’t eat between lunch and dinner as I’m not a snacker, but if I were to have a snack, I’d have a coconut yogurt with cashews or a green juice. For dinner, I’ll make a sauté with mushrooms, kale, and brown rice with a touch of olive oil, nutritional yeast, and lemon. I love rice; I’m a big believer in carbs. Our bodies consist of carbs, and we need them for our energy levels to thrive. I can’t imagine life without them.”

Babymoon in Style at These Luxe Destinations It's your last hurrah.

By Pilar Guzman | Photo By @anidorusso

It’s a common refrain among parents: “I don’t know what happened, but before we knew it, five years have flown since we’ve taken a trip alone.” The logistics of leaving young kids at home, to say nothing of your baby’s out-of-nowhere 103-degree fever that spikes the night before your departure, can derail even the best laid plans for escape.

Think of the babymoon as the beginning of what will hopefully become your annual commitment to each other, to one trip a year without kids from here on out. And, although we’re all in the midst of a global pandemic and thus quarantined to our home, we will travel again, and in the meantime it can’t hurt to start mentally planning. By the way, our version of a babymoon can be two nights in a motel watching Law & Order reruns and eating Taco Bell, which is awesome in its own right, or you can aim a little higher, a little sexier, maybe something involving a few palm trees. The point is to do it. If  you set the precedent, going forward, you will marvel at how quickly and deeply you slip into an alternate, pre-kid reality of sleeping in, taking morning beach swims, reading, and napping. 

We say, especially given your compromised mobility, that the sole point of this warm-weather or otherwise no-stress vacation, unlike most others you’ve taken in your life, is the absence of cultural enrichment or any sense of duty. It will feel like a time warp that’s as fleeting as it is weightless. And it’s in this anti-gravity, anti-guilt, should-free zone that you recommit yourselves to your partnership, when you remember why you chose each other in the first place. The best kinds of trips suspend not only physical but existential reality, pressing us—when stripped of our all-defining responsibilities—to pose questions like, “Who do we want to be separately and as partners and parents?” or “What are we going to do to make sure we prioritize each other when we are a family of three, four, or five.” 

The following properties are ones that we feel are appropriate backdrops to the evolving screenplay of your life. 

Hotel Amuleto, Zihuatanejo, Mexico

While we aren’t necessarily making a case for Zihuatanejo as a destination, there are some hotels, even ones as tiny as the 6-room Amuleto, that are enough of a reason to get on to go there…and never leave. Each of the indoor-outdoor palapa-style private suites has a plunge pool, hammock and seating area over the Pacific. But even if you venture into the public area, you feel like the only guests in the private home of adventurous creatives who’ve spent a lifetime traveling the world. Which is more or less true. The tiny aerie gives you instant permission to do nothing but read and drink (virgin) margaritas and eat copious amounts of guac served poolside by a staff who feel like family. You will dream about the breakfast bread basket and tortillas made fresh daily, as well as huevos ranchero forever after. Pro tip: Book a massage in advance. While they dont’ have a spa, they do have an exclusive hold on a massage therapist who has magical healing hands and who will set up her table in your room as you gaze through one heavy-lidded eye at the most dazzling sunset of all time. *If you have concerns about travel and the Zika virus, talk to your healthcare provider.

Playa Grande Beach Club, Dominican Republic

Palm Beach-WASP by way of the Dominican-Victorian, Playa Grande Beach Club is the “girlfriends getaway” capital of the DR among the Isabel Marant set. The nine-bungalow independent resort on an ocean-front  2,000-acre parcel is the chic-and-cheerful design dream of New York-based interior designer and owner Celerie Kemble. The antithesis of every other multi-pool all-inclusive, there’s a feeling of intimacy, but still with plenty of land around each of the whimsically decorated pastel gingerbread-style private bungalow. Kemble mixes Victorian wicker and ikat fabrics with pink and green tiled floors, footed copper tubs, and local furniture with the kind of cheerful, devil-be-damned, errant heiress insouciance we all aspire to. And while service is passable, food gets high marks for being exactly what you want it to be: healthy, avocado-forward, fresh juices, grain bowl type fare using local ingredients versus all of those other resorts that fly in the t-bone steaks for the gringos who need their staples. Your biggest outing should be drinks and dinner at the Aman next door, because there is little reason to leave otherwise. 

Montage Los Cabos, Cabo San Lucas

We love that Montage Cabo overlooks Santa Maria Bay, which is one of the only spots in Cabo where you can just walk right into the ocean and swim. The ocean is so rough with crazy undertows and a pounding break in front of so many of the Cabo resorts, so it’s sort of like the beach version of blue balls to be sitting looking out at the ocean and not be able to go swimming. So, the location is great, and it’s between Cabo, which is so crowded, and San Jose, which is much chiller, you can easily dip into either town, but are removed enough that you don’t feel you’re part of a hotel strip. The landscaping is great—all natives/drought tolerant (no weirdly green lawns or petunias)—the decor is sort of Mexican 2.0. Clean lines and of place, but no accent sombreros or serapes. And we love that every room, entry level and top tier, nail the indoor/outdoor thing (which is all you really want in a place like Mexico). All room share ocean views, large terraces with daybeds and outdoor showers. What else? Lovely, mellow pool scene, but sexy enough/good people watching that there’s some vibe. Food is solid, spa is fantastic. Oh, and not to be missed is the mezcal massage from the resident shaman, naturally.

Kamalame Cay, Nassau

It’s a catch-22: The flights to Nassau are cheap, frequent and easy. The bad news is, you are in Nassau with throngs of sunburned jort-wearing (that’s jean-shorts) gringos. The hack? The all-inclusive Kamalame Cay, which is a mere  15-minute hopper from Nassau and a world away from neon rubber bracelets that determine whether you can or can’t eat getting into a certain waterpark, and that will make you rethink your all-inclusive bias. Located on a 96-acre private island, chic, all natural Kamalame Cay will make you wish you could do your honeymoon over. We recommend staying in the beachfront bungalows, each of which have decks overlooking the ocean, beach access, and a golf cart and bikes for tooling around the island.  The best part? A breakfast basket delivered as though by fairies filled with pastries, fruit, yogurt, orange juice, and a thermos of coffee. No more awkward early morning fumbling in your robe while your spouse hides under the covers as you try to remember whether you carried the one or whether tip was included to begin with. 

Malibu Beach Inn, Malibu

Ever since the iconic Alice’s Restaurant on the Malibu Pier reopened under new management as Malibu Farm Restaurant in 2015 and disrupted–and elevated Carbon Beach’s status quo, with Helene Henderson’s haute surfer menu, it seems that all boats have risen along the cove between the pier and Carbon Canyon. The exclusive coastal outpost of Soho House opened, and then something unthinkable occurred: Malibu Beach Inn, formerly a motel-style property on PCH, was transformed by veteran hotelier Gregory Day, formerly of Shutters on the Beach, into pretty much the only luxury property on the ocean. The 47 rooms with private terraces as well as the main dining and lounging area cantilever over this prized strip of ocean. Outfitted with grey linens, sheepskins, cashmere throws,  and teak mid-century chairs, the cando-by-way-of-Cali design is like the love child between Aarne Jacobsen and James Pearse. Best of all, with its Cali-meets-Provencal menu (avo toast, burger, and the best soupe de Poisson outside of Marseilles) means you’ll never have any reason to leave the property. 

Ocean House, Watch Hill, Rhode Island

Let’s say you don’t want to get on a plane at all and don’t necessarily want to face yourself in a swimsuit. Once known as the “Queen of Atlantic Resorts,” the lovingly restored Ocean House—originally built in 1868 for well-heeled summer visitors from Cincinnati, New York, and Connecticut and the last remaining of seven such properties in Watch Hill—ticks all WASP-y fantasies of what a Rhode Island seaside resort might have been in a certain bygone era. (The town itself, a quiet oceanside hamlet on Rhode Island’s southern tip known for its discreet wealth, has always been a charming counterpoint to the famously flashy Newport.) Both historic and bright, Ocean House strikes that perfect balance between old world charm and just the right notes of new world luxury, think, high-end Scalamandré fabrics with a more modest New England vernacular of wood paneling, a 12,000-square foot spa, which includes an indoor pool. There is a high-end seasonal restaurant, which is lovely. Chances are you’ll want the mac-and-cheese from the club menu..

Ojai Valley Resort & Spa, Ojai, California

By the time you’ve hit the third trimester, there is nothing quite like floating in a big swimming pool on a cloudless Californian day when all you want to do is feel weightless—nor more of a relief than the scent of rosemary and lavender when your bionic sense of smell seems to be picking up every unsavory odor. At the Ojai Inn and Spa, the good smelling plants and herbs that seem to blanket all 200 acres of this property are mere table stakes. The Mecca  for all sorts of bleeding edge wellness treatment and practices, the spa takes cues from the Chumash Native American Tribe, who first settles Ojai Valley with cleaning desert clays and essential oils. You might also want to book an immunity-boosting Ayurvedic Detox Body Treatment as well as the highly soothing cardamon and sandalwood body mask. Healthy, yummy grain bowls and juices are a given and Ojai Pizza Co. is only a short drive away should you need a cheesey, gluteny fix. You’ll save the Pilates and hikes for next time. 

Tips for a safe babymoon:

Check in with OB-GYN

Ask for any records on your pregnancy you could need while far away.

Think about timing

2nd trimester is the perfect time to enjoy. You’re out of the 1st trimester ick but not big enough, or close enough to full term to stress it.

Avoid the 3rd Trimester

See above. It won’t be enjoyable if you can barely squeeze into an airline seat.

Identify Major Hospitals At Your Destination

Just in case.

Pace Yourself

Just remember that you may not be able to hike or swim as far as you once could, so just remember to relax and do what feels good.

"With every negative sign, it’s a punch in the gut." Samantha Wasser's path to surrogacy.

By Samantha Wasser

My husband and I got married six years ago. I was about to turn 25 and kids were not remotely on my brain. My husband was seven years older so all of his friends were having their first kid. If anything he may have been thinking about it but it was nothing we were discussing ourselves. It felt like we had all the time in the world. 

I had never heard about people having issues and I never thought it was going to happen to me. Plus I was so young. A year after we got married, I opened By Chloe. I quickly realized it was never going to be the right time because I was so crazy with work, so I had to prioritize. I went off birth control. I thought, “Let’s have fun and be that couple who’s ‘sort of trying.’ Then I realized that the moment you flip on the trying switch, time becomes your worst enemy and sex stops being fun. Every month that passed, and with every negative sign, it’s a punch in the gut. 

About six months later, I was opening a By Chloe store and I felt really funny. I took a pregnancy test and it was positive. I went to my doctor and saw a really strong heartbeat at around eight weeks. When I came back two weeks later for blood work, my doctor was scanning my belly, moving from one side to the other and there was this deafening silence. She wasn’t speaking. It felt like an eternity. I started hysterically crying and the first thing I asked was, “What did I do wrong?” Miscarriage is so tabboo; you feel like it must be your fault. Maybe it’s because you had soft cheese, or you had a drink before you knew, but in reality, it was an abnormality at the chromosomal level. It’s super common. I got a D&C, bled like crazy and was a total wreck.

I got pregnant again in the fall of that year. I told my husband I wasn’t strong enough for another miscarriage. Then we went back to the doctor. Again, deafening silence. The sac didn’t mature past six weeks. I decided to miscarry at home since there wasn’t a lot of tissue, but in the end I was bleeding for weeks! My doctor referred me to a fertility specialist at CCRM. IVF was the only way to make sure my embryos were chromosomally sound. Meanwhile I was still bleeding, and I kept having to wait, so they suggested I do another D&C and close the chapter. After a year of miscarrying, I had to move forward.

My IVF plan was to get perfect embryos and put them in the perfect oven. So in my first round, I got 27 eggs, but only four good embryos. It started to feel clear that I was miscarrying because I produce quantity over quality. I was on interlipid plus pregnaozine, blood thinners, lovanox. I was giving myself injections for first time. The transfer didn’t work. There was no explanation. No reason. I was textbook perfect. My lining was perfect. 

For the next transfer, we decided to do a normal cycle without drugs. We put one in and it didn’t work. At that point I was put on letrazol, which women with breast cancer take to shut down estrogen in their body, in order to decrease inflammation. Then we discovered I had endometriosis. Then I also did IVIG, a hemoglobin blood product in an IV drip for 6 hours. I went to an allergist to change my diet. I did everything in my control because fertility was out of my control. In the next round we did two embryos. That round worked, at first. I kept going back to see if my levels were doubling, and they weren’t. I miscarried. I was out of embryos. We did another round of IVF one year after my second second miscarriage. We were two-and-a-half years in. 

I knew that if I let myself grieve, I couldn’t keep going. I was opening By Chloe locations around the world while going through all of this. I didn’t have the option of breaking down. I just closed off. My husband wanted to talk but I didn’t. I still can’t. I’d give myself 24 hours of being a total wreck and the next day I’d pick up my phone and call my doctor. I kept encountering reminders of how long I had been trying. I knew all my due dates, and when they came around, I’d think how far I was from having a family. 

After my second round of IVF, my doctor determined I had unexplained infertility, the most unhelpful diagnosis in life. She suggested a surrogate agency. I had no idea about surrogates. I called the agency and found out it could take months to even find someone, then months to go through legal. I broke down. This was my last resort. I put down a deposit and started the search. 

At that point, my doctor made a conscious decision. My next transfer would do one of the weaker embryos. She wanted me to save the stronger ones for the surrogate. She put me on drug called depo lupron. Each dose of meds was in shot form and lasts a month. It’s for cancer patients. It essentially shuts down estrogen in your body and puts you into menopause. I was in full blown menopause opening our first London store, it was insane. I was having hot flashes on the plane. Meanwhile I followed up with the surrogacy agency. They had narrowed it down to two candidates. 

When the transfer didn’t work in January, my doctor said, “Enough. There’s nothing you can do. Save these embryos for the surrogate. My surrogate was an incredible woman – a mother of four from Katie, Texas. We met in LA during her transfer. My husband wanted to be excited but I couldn’t get to that place. The agency sent over a balloon you pop, which tells you what the sex is. They were trying to normalize the experience for us. It got me excited, but I didn’t have the reassurance of a growing belly. I had to rely on her, and if I didn’t hear from her, I would be up all night thinking something happened. I felt isolated a lot throughout the surrogacy experience. I didn’t have a lot of friends in the area. 

I thought, how am I going to meet people for future playdates, especially when I work a lot and I can’t go to mommy groups?

But I also couldn’t go to prenatal classes because I wasn’t pregnant. I couldn’t go to a coffee shop and chat up a pregnant lady without looking like a total creep. Even after, I always felt out of place at moms group when everyone’s talking about breastfeeding, and people don’t know what to say. They’d say, “You’re so lucky you didn’t have to gain weight. You’re lucky you didn’t have to recover.” I’d say “Luck is exactly what it is! I’ll never know what it’s like to carry my child, or breastfeed! I’m soo lucky!”

My husband made me stop talking about it.

I will say that right when our son was born, I instantly felt that connection to him. It was so completely overwhelming and the more I was able to connect with other women who had been through the process, the more “normal” I felt. I also think the process made me a better mom than ever thought I could be. I’m a better, stronger person. I don’t take him for granted. I think I’m probably more tolerant than I might have been had I carried him myself. I’m more tolerant because what was affecting me was the silence, was the absence of life in my house, so when he’s freaking out, or spitting up, I’m good.

"Being a single mom has been the hardest, most rewarding thing I’ve ever done."

By Katelin Sisson

Being a mom came naturally to me; I was born to have babies. In fact, before I found out I was pregnant, I could feel it. I took six pregnancy tests that all came back negative, but insisted they were wrong and kept taking them. Finally, when the 7th test came back positive, it was such a relief. She was all I wanted.

Minnie’s dad and I were together for a year before we got pregnant, engaged halfway through the pregnancy and then we split when she was two. Although we created an amazing human together after a while it became clear that we weren’t meant to be together. In some ways, it was challenging to separate when Minnie was so young, and in other ways, it was ideal. When we first parted, it felt like such a crisis and I worried how every detail of the separation would affect her, but over time we found our stride. 

When we parted, my entire world changed, including my career. I co-owned a yoga retreat company called Yoga For Bad People, which involved a ton of travel. Given my new set of circumstances, I had to figure out how to manage my day-to-day life as a full-time single mom with a job that required me to be on the road. Up until that point, I would bring Minnie with me on most trips, but unfortunately, that also meant I had to bring a babysitter which was very expensive. When I didn’t take her with me, I had to organize a massive puzzle of logistics from afar. This included a web of sitters plus bringing my mom in from Rhode Island to help. After a while, it was simply unworkable. 

With a heavy heart, I chose to get a full-time job in construction that offered a consistent income and reasonable hours that better-suited my new life. It turns out the construction industry is great for single moms as the hours are “labor hours” which means I am home at night to spend quality time with my daughter and not up answering emails or looking at my phone. It’s stressful in its own right, but for the most part, when I’m with Minnie, I’m focused on her. 

When we split, my entire world changed, including my career.

At the same time, we sorted our custody agreement as we both benefited from a little structure and formal boundaries. We landed on an every-other-weekend schedule, plus I have Minnie Monday through Friday. Every morning we leave the house at 8 AM and bike to school for drop-off. Then I head to the Upper East Side on the 6th train to visit all my job sites. The days are intense and fly by until I have to pick up Minnie from school at 4:30 PM. From there we go home for dinner, bath, and bed — it’s a simple, hard-working (but good), life. 

I’ve never felt more at home, then I do now. We have a little place in the Lower East Side that I’m so proud of and work really hard to make it our home. It took me a long time and a lot of searching to nurture that quality in me that I value so much. I finally feel I’ve arrived for myself, Minnie, and our life moving forward.  

These days, Minnie’s dad and I are in a good place. I’m grateful for this as it impacts Minnie in such a positive way. I’ve learned a lot along the way including how to rely on myself. Being a single mom has been the hardest, most rewarding, and empowering thing I’ve ever done. Having to step up to this level of responsibility has made me a better, stronger, and much happier person.

With that, some days it’s very easy to feel like you’re failing. I’ve felt that way so many times. Times when I couldn’t get to a mid-day school event because I had to be at work or those when I had to be on a call with a crying child in the background. While I’ve done the majority of my parenting solo I think those moments are inevitable in all situations. Therefore, I’d just like to say, and this applies to moms in general (not only single ones), especially now as we’re doing so many things at once from working to homeschooling, moms are heroes. So, be gentle with yourself, be supportive of other parents, and never be scared to ask for help. 

Moms are heroes.

The truth is, no matter the circumstances, being a parent is hard. While I never had any doubts about having a baby, there’s nothing that could have truly prepared me for the job. I have known no other love like it. Signed no other contract like this. It’s the team of all teams. 

A Desk To Help You Stay The F*** Home It recycles, too.

If you’re like the rest of us, your kids have completely taken over your entire house during family quarantine, and now your bedroom has become a makeshift office where you’ve been forced to hide out in order to get any semblance of actual work done.

But rather than invest in a serious desk during what we all hope is a temporary time, why not try the #StayTheF***Home desk by Danish company Stykka, which prints custom furniture that’s built to last and totally tailored for your space. Each desk is composed entirely of FSC certified, super durable cardboard and made from 80-100% recycled fibers. Even better, it can be 100% recycled when and if you end up going back to work. 

We think the name says it all.

Welcome to Babe! Because my infant peed on my Celine bag.

By Ariane Goldman

Dear Mamas,

WOW. What a time to be alive / pregnant / nursing / postpartum! 

When we set out to create Babe 18 months ago, we knew the importance of connecting moms + moms-to-be all around the world and serving you with support, information, aspiration and HUMOR. And now, given the state of the world today, we believe – more than ever – that the concept of bringing people together is critical. 

I’ve had this note written in the back of my head for about a year, and while times have certainly changed, the philosophy of Babe remains the same. I want to arm our mamas with the right mix of content that actually speaks to you, that has your back ALWAYS, that feels relevant, modern and inclusive. “You do you” has always been our M.O. on pregnancy and parenting, and in today’s hyper Instagrammed, FOMO-inducing world, we believe more than ever that moms today need that extra reminder, that extra hug, that “we got you” boost, so you know you’re kicking ass, in whatever way you’re choosing to.

So with that, I invite you to explore the world of Babe. Come here for that pregnancy question you never knew to ask, or to hear both sides of one hyper debated issue, or just to get a few extra hacks to keep in your back pocket when sh*t hits the fan. Come here for our experts, our stories, or just for a laugh, a smile, and for the support you need during this nutty, but quite extraordinary time. 

Welcome to Babe.

xoxo

Ariane 

"I knew In My Heart I Would Do Whatever It Took To Save This Baby" Cindy Mata Gross talks IUGR and twins.

By Cindy Mata Gross

We had four IUI’s that didn’t work. Finally we said, “OK, let’s try IVF.” We tried it the first time, which resulted in a chemical pregnancy. Then we had our second attempt, which worked. I found out early on that my HCG levels were super high. My gut instinct was that I was pregnant with twins. When we went for our first ultrasound, they saw only one embryo. A few weeks later they saw two heartbeats but one placenta. That’s when they confirmed that the one egg they implanted had split and I was having identical twin girls.

Doppler Ultrasound
/dopp·​ler· ul· truh· sownd/
This ultrasound uses sound waves to detect the movement of…

At around 17 weeks, I had a doppler ultrasound, which helps the doctors see the flow of the placenta to the embryos. I remember sitting with the physician’s assistant and she said, “I’ll be right back. I’m going to bring back the doctor.” The doctor looked at the screen then took me into his office. He said that one twin was taking most of the placenta from the other twin, and so one twin was growing and the other one wasn’t. It’s called intrauterine growth restriction, or IUGR. He gave me a few situations. One was that we wait and see if one twin “expires” because she’s not growing. Or I had another seven weeks to decide to terminate one to save the other. At this time I hadn’t gone through the motions of being pregnant. I wasn’t showing and I wasn’t feeling anything inside, but for the first time a mother’s instinct kicked in. I said, “I’m absolutely not f*cking terminating one and I want a second opinion.”

Later that night we were on our way to Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia (CHOP) to get our second opinion. I knew in my heart that I would do whatever it took to save this baby. That day I became a mom. I canceled my baby shower, I didn’t want anything coming into my house that was baby-related. I didn’t post any pictures. I couldn’t imagine having to explain to anyone why I wasn’t pregnant anymore.

For the first time a mother’s instinct kicked in. I said, “I’m absolutely not f*cking terminating one and I want a second opinion.

Going to CHOP was probably the scariest but best experience. They took us in right away. They basically live-streamed my doppler to a dozen doctors. At the end of the day, they told us that yes, I did have IUGR, but they’d seen cases like mine where both babies were thriving. They told me to finish out my pregnancy in New York but they’d continue to monitor me. It was week 17 and every week was a huge milestone for us. The magic number was 32 weeks, but the real magic number was 34 weeks.

I was always going to have c-section. My pregnancy was very high risk, and the more I could plan for it, the better. I’ll never forget on July 8, at the end of 32 weeks, I came home from work and started going into labor. I got to the hospital and they shot me up with steroids to help the babies’ lungs and heartbeats. I was in the hospital for eight days. I got to the 34th week, and the girls were born healthy at 3.9 and 4.1 pounds.  I joke and say that nothing in life is easy. Getting pregnancy wasn’t easy. My pregnancy wasn’t easy, but that made the end result all the sweeter. The road wasn’t easy but the destination was worth all of the hurdles. 

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