Body Positivity....On Instagram These women are spreading self-love over IG.
By Caroline Tell | Photo by Hayley Garnett
Ya know how sometimes you go on Instagram and immediately feel worse about yourself? Like when you see that hot mom of three in a bikini lounging by her pool while you’re homeschooling your kids in sweats and attempting to get on your third Zoom call of the day? Same same. But, imagine our surprise when we noticed something of a stellar trend – the idea that you can actually show your REAL self over IG, along with every c-section scar, stretch mark and piece of postpartum fold. Check out these incredible women, each changing the narrative on Instagram and showing their truest selves in the hopes that we can all do the same.
As a mother of three (and with one more on the way), Sarah Nicole Landry created a narrative over Instagram that showcases her beautiful, unretouched body in all its preggo and postpartum glory, and speaks open and honestly about diet culture and her own body issues. She encourages women to hold space for change, whether physical or emotional, and reflects on her own eating disorders openly.
Like the name suggests, Rini Frey is on a mission to help women own it. Consider her your personal cheerleader, as she spreads the gospel of mental health and self love. She’ll also totally go there about cellulite, pregnancy weight gain and showing gratitude to our bodies for all of their hard work. “My page encourages women to stop feeling ashamed for being, looking or feeling “different” than what society expects of us,” says Rini. “I want to empower women to embrace and own who they are, because the inner peace and joy that comes with that makes for a much more fulfilling life than the endless chase of a perfect body or a perfect life.”
“Dear Unibrow: You used to define me, now I define you” is Shari Siadat’s Instagram bio. The eyebrow activist moonlights as a model, showcasing her unique style and bold look in selfies amidst powerful statements and other inspiring content. After plucking her eyebrows since the age of 13, Shari reexamined her identity after having her third child and decided to flaunt her natural unibrow in the hopes that her children and all people would want to let their truest self shine.
Hayley Garnett is on a mission to normalize and celebrate the postpartum life. Her powerful posts include imagery of her postpartum stretch marks and other sensitive body imagery, as well as quotes signaling her journey through her eating disorder recovery. “My goal on Instagram is to normalize NORMAL,” says Hayley. “To normalize change and growth and the visual representations that go hand in hand with this change and growth. Not only are we more than a body, more than a flaw, more than just any ONE thing- but these things about us tell our story. It’s raw, and real and deserving of respect rather than shame! WE ARE WORTHY.”
This mama-to-be speaks the gospel about self-love, body acceptance and how our self-worth isn’t dependent upon the numbers of a scale. She posts bold imagery like before and after pics, where the after is her proud, beautiful and happy body at its true size, and flaunts her adorable style to boot. She’s also the cofounder of the Mama Collective, which “inspire confidence, create meaningful connections, and build a community of like-minded, empowered women.”
How to be "Breast Self-Aware" By the Team at Bright Pink.
By Dr. Deborah Lindner | Photo by Stocksy
A staggering one in eight women will be diagnosed with breast cancer at some point in their lifetimes. When breast cancer is detected early, five-year survival rates are over 90 percent. That is why it is so important to practice these four basics of “breast self-awareness” on a regular basis.
1. Know Your Normal
Conduct a breast self-exam for breast awareness. Check out the look and feel of your breasts to get to know your “normal”. Look at and touch your breast tissue from multiple angles with varying pressure to feel both the deep and surface layers. Don’t forget that your breast tissue extends up your collarbone, around to your armpits, and into your breastbone. Then, you can check in with your breasts regularly to make sure what you see and feel still aligns with your “normal.”
2.Recognize the Signs and Symptoms of Breast Cancer
Get familiar with the signs and symptoms of breast cancer so that you can stay alert to changes in your breasts or other symptoms you are experiencing.
3. Find Out your Family Health History and Hereditary Risk
Learn what patterns in your family health history could mean that you have a higher personal risk of breast and/or ovarian cancer. Get tips about how to start the conversation with family members about health history. You can also Assess Your Risk through this quick quiz and receive a personalized plan of action. As necessary, you can also seek outgenetic testing and counseling.
4. Live Healthy
Do your best to live healthy by eating well, moving more, not smoking, and limiting alcohol. All of these healthy behaviors can reduce your risk for breast cancer.
You deserve to be healthy and well! Take the time to take care of yourself because you’re worth it!
From starting solids to sleep training, parenting is full of decisions that most of us are making on the fly. Should we go back in and rock them to bed? Is television really the worst thing ever? Most of our choices reflect our individual perspectives on parenting, family and various levels of by-the-bookdom, but once in a while it helps to call in the big guns like a true expert opinion. So we’re bringing you answers to common parenting questions thanks to Babe’s resident pediatric expert, Dr. Aliza Pressman, Ph.D., co-founder of the Mount Sinai Parenting Institute and host of Raising Good Humans podcast. This week she tackles sharing, how to deal when your kid just can’t, and why it’s a skill all kids must learn, as uncomfortable as it may be.
Q. Dear Aliza,
Help. My toddler lit-er-ally cannot share. We organized these small Covid-friendly playgroups happening all week and she’s kind of ruining it for us. She throws a huge tantrum every time she has to share something of hers, yet demands that other kids share their stuff with her. Please school me on Sharing 101 because I’m truly afraid we’ll be forced to vacate said pod and homeschool 24/7. And I can’t do that again.
– Josie P, mama to Sybil, 3.
A. Prepare in advance with your child and go over your rules, which may entail three things that can go in their “not sharing” bin or drawer. But remind your child that once their friend comes over, there’s no “mine” anymore. Toys and things are now property for everyone and they must take turns with everything. You can say, “That’s what we do when we host someone.” And, if they don’t want someone playing with it, then they can’t play with it either. It can be an emotional stretch for them but it’s a good emotional stretch. Sometimes it’s uncomfortable because they don’t want to give a turn with something they want to play with, and those are uncomfortable feelings. But it’s a trade off because the good part is they get to have a playdate and may even get to enjoy their friends enjoying their toys. Maybe, maybe not.
“The good part is they get to have a playdate and may even get to enjoy their friends enjoying their toys.” Photo by Stocksy
For a 16-month-old, it doesn’t matter. With them it’s that their guests first get a turn and then they can have a turn. You sit with them in their discomfort and their icky feelings. But you set a boundary and know that you’re giving your kid the gift of being uncomfortable and struggling because you know that they’ll come out OK. Also they see you know, and that you’ll be there for them. Avoid asking the other person if they can just help you out. The goal is to get your child used to that because it’s an inevitable part of life.
You set a boundary and know that you’re giving your kid the gift of being uncomfortable and struggling because you know that they’ll come out OK.
If they just can’t deal, then they have choices. You can say, “This playdate isn’t working out because you don’t feel like taking turns,” (or your friend doesn’t want to take turns). Let’s reschedule.” Sometimes it’s hard for other people to share their things. If you’re at someone else’s home, don’t be judgy of the other kid. You can ask the parent what are the things that are comfortable for their child to take turns with and let’s focus on those. Or let’s just go outside. And the other thing is, if they’re not your kid – then you can’t control it, but you can say, “It looks like Billy doesn’t look like taking turns right now. You don’t always like taking turns. Let’s think about how that makes you feel. What can we do instead?”
If your child is older, then tell your kid to share! You can say, “Look I’d prefer you give that turn to your friend, but if you can’t, go play in your room. This doesn’t seem like a time for a playdate right now.” It’s not a punishment, just natural consequences. Maybe it wasn’t a very good playdate and you can try again another time or plan differently, but they definitely can’t have it if they can’t share or give a turn. And just remember to remind them that it’s uncomfortable and that we have to practice feelings we don’t like. And when we practice, it gets better.
DADA's Claire Olshan On Ectopic Pregnancy And Boob Truffles.
By Ruthie Friedlander
Colorful and oh-so-chic, Claire Olshan, the founder of DADA (one of our fave healthy snack brands that totally defies “healthy food” rules), has a toddler at home and a second on the way.
This month, DADA launches their Boob Truffles, benefitting Carriage House Birth’s scholarship program, which sponsors doula education and helps supply doulas to families in need.
Claire talks to Babe about maternal health injustices, her unexpected path to pregnancy, and her personal approach to maternity leave (she calls them maternity “hours”). Plus, craving chocolate, of course.
Pregnancy Feels?
My second pregnancy has been entirely different from the first. While still just as godly and crazy to create a little person in your body, this experience has been the opposite in every way from how I got pregnant to how I felt. With my first, it was all so romantic. Every moment was a discovery, a twinkling new experience
From the start, I worked 15 months to get pregnant with Maxwell, and this time, it happened easily, after a series of unexpected challenges. With the first, I was super-indulgent; I had so much time to stop, relax, take a nap, and journal every day. I recently reread those old journals and must have been taking “happy pills.” While I still write in my journal every day, it’s less sing-songy and, more matter of fact.
With Maxwell, the minute I got our positive test results back, I was shouting it from the rooftops, “I am pregnant, world, here we go. I am a goddess!” And now,having been cooped up at home through Covid, I was much more nauseous and didn’t see anyone for the first three months, so it went by SUPER slow. At six months pregnant, I’ve barely told anyone I’m pregnant outside of my immediate friends and family; about 90% of the people in my life will find out that I am expecting through this article.
All this to say, while number two has been beautiful, it’s just very different. I have a 2.5-year-old plus a business; there’s no time for naps, massages, focusing on myself or my body’s transition.
My pregnancy story has been a journey, to say the least. It took us a little over a year with my son to get pregnant and was an emotional roller coaster. I went through all the classic ups and downs and personal doubt: “Am I broken?Is this ever going to happen? Why isn’t it working?” I spun myself into a tizzy doing acupuncture and seeing fertility doctors, to the point of complete and utter exhaustion.
SO, I gave up. I decided to have the best summer of my life and resolved to LIVE, drink, be free, and do everything I was not going to be able to do while pregnant, in excess. Of course, that’s when it happened, as soon as I let go. After 15 months of trying, I got pregnant at the beginning of August.
After we had Maxwell, I kept saying to myself, “when Maxwell turns one, maybe I’ll be ready to try for a second.” Then he did, but I didn’t feel ready. Summer came and went, then fall to follow, and still, I wasn’t ready to try again. I really listened to my body and resisted the urge to make a plan. Instead, I lived my life knowing the baby would come when the time was right.
This past New Year, we were in California, and suddenly, something clicked. I looked at my husband and was like, “let’s do this baby thing.” I’m not sure what shifted, but it felt right. Of course, we got pregnant that week, but I didn’t even know it, nor did I take a pregnancy test. Seeing as it took so long to get pregnant with the first, I assumed it would be the same for the second. I thought it would take at least six months and had zero emotional ties to whether I was pregnant or not.
Then, I started bleeding and figured it was my period because I still had no idea I was pregnant! But it didn’t feel like a period. Something was off. I went to my OB, who declared it a miscarriage. Yet, we both agreed it seemed like more than that, and something was seriously wrong. Afterwhich, she sent me to 10 doctors, and no one could figure it out until, the last physician diagnosed it as an early stage ectopic pregnancy. I was terrified as I’d never even heard of this.
From the minute they were able to determine what was wrong, things escalated quickly, and I never went home. My OB diligently walked me through my options but ultimately urged me to remove the Fallopian tube immediately (otherwise, there was a chance I could die). With a plan in place, I was sent to Cornell Hospital. My mind was spinning; I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that I was going into surgery, let alone that I’d gotten pregnant so quickly and with such ease! Everyone was consolatory that I was having a miscarriage, yet all I could think about was the fact that I had worked so long to get pregnant with my son, and this time, I did it on the first try, in 12 minutes. I knew we were going to be ok.
Mid-surgery, something went wrong and they accidentally clipped an artery. I ended up having a two-hour stomach surgery with a week’s recovery in the hospital. Mind you; this was all happening in February, at which point, Coronavirus was far away. But, they kept testing me for this “random virus” while I was at the hospital, and I thought it was super weird. Three weeks later, I didn’t realize I was leaving NYC for the foreseeable future.
After this crazy stomach surgery, Covid happened, and we moved to East Hampton; the last thing on my mind was getting pregnant. The idea of my stomach stretching was almost unbearable and utterly traumatizing. Of course, as luck would have it, three weeks post-surgery, I got pregnant. But again, I was like, “WHAT’s happening?” My body went from “broken” to “I can’t stop getting pregnant.”
So here I am, a little scared, with my husband, son, and a scar from my ribs to my pelvis bone living out in the country. The doctors kept insisting it would be alright but in my gut it just didn’t feel right. Eight weeks in, I miscarried again. It was a very special time for me to have all of this happen because I was alone with my thoughts. There were no distractions, I couldn’t go for dinner with friends, or otherwise. I had to deal and heal. Normally, living in NYC, when you don’t want to deal, it’s easy to distract. When you don’t have all the stimulants, you have to deal which was the greatest thing for me.
After you miscarry, you’re super fertile (hear that, ladies?), and so of course, I got pregnant again! Now, I’m just finishing my 5th month and have technically been pregnant since January. Perhaps, all of this has something to do with why it’s less romantic for me; part of me is a little wary of getting too close to something that has not come through for me in the past few months.
Through all of this, I’m utterly grateful. I feel stable and confident in my body, which is weird because most people would probably look at my situation and say, “your body failed you so many times.” But I look at it like, “my body has a phenomenal filtering system.” I just kept thinking that the glass is half full, and I have so much to be grateful for. I knew the one that would stick is the one that is going to be our exceptional, wonderful child, as much a blessing as our first.
Work/life balance is a myth. It doesn’t get easier, I have just become more efficient. I always say that I am really good at compartmentalizing my life. When I am working, I am working and when I am a mom, I’m a mom. Plus, I love working, it’s part of who I am; I don’t take maternity leave, instead I take maternity hours.
You’re launching Boob Truffles this week, tell us everything…
One of my closest friend’s is a doula and launching a documentary called Born Free, about injustices for maternal health in this country. Through her, I have learned so much and wanted to raise money to educate women, so they feel empowered and informed when going into labor.
At DADA we partnered with Carriage House Birth to help support their scholarship program via the sales of our new vegan milk-chocolate Boob Truffles. We’ll be funding all things birthing plus pregnancy education, and prioritizing Black women and families. Additionally, we’re sponsoring doulas for single mothers that don’t have anyone advocating or supporting them in the hospital room. True to DADA’s spirit, happy and joyful by nature, we’re bringing beauty and design into lives while also educating on the harsh realities in this country. 100% of proceeds from the first week of sales of the Boob Truffles are going to the CHB scholarship program, and then 10% of all proceeds going forward after week one will go to the program to sponsor doula education and supplying doulas to families in need.
Of course, I’m craving endless chocolate, therefore it’s Boob Truffles on the regular at my house! That, and avocado sushi on repeat.
Any advice?
Work on yourself, and do what makes you happy. There’s so much chatter around when things are supposed to happen and when they’re not, but everyone has their own journey. Tune out the noise and have faith that everything in the universe unfolds as it’s meant to.
Because Sitting on Santa's Lap is so 2019 Meet Santa HQ.
By Babe | All photos by Santa HQ
Given the uptick in Covid-19 cases (helloooo, dark winter), our pal Santa Claus is doing things a little differently this year. He’s had time to sharpen his digital skills (a result of all that Zooming with his elves) and now he’s ready to chat with your little one to get the deets on what they want for the holidays.
Meet Santa HQ, a new service offering a variety of ways to get exclusive Santa access, without the IRL hang. For $13, you can receive festive content unlocked daily, like singalongs, dancing, arts and crafts, storytelling and outdoor exploring, as well as a ready-to-print photo journal file. At the $26 level, you get a unique pre-recorded video message for you and your family and a special Santa HQ Christmas Adventure. But the $40 Santa VIP section is where it’s at. You’ll get a scheduled video call live with the big guy. Yep, your child will have the ear of the man himself to ask all those important questions and give him vital information from their Christmas wish list before his busiest night of the year.
In true 2020 style, Santa HQ is phoning the magic back into the holidays this year, even when it feels like nothing else will. And let’s be honest, the whole “Santa’s lap” thing is a little creepy anyway.
Gifts Your Significant Other Will Actually Love (And you will, too.)
They stood by your side as you broke down while logging your toddler onto Zoom preschool. They held your hand as you practiced the power of deep breathing during your mother-in-law’s Zoom Thanksgiving. There’s never have been a more important holiday season to say “thank you” than this one. Here, we’ve got nine gift ideas from some of our favorite mamas – what they’re gifting their significant others, and the things you’ll love having, too.
“Everything you need to overhaul your home cleaning routine to be plastic-free and better for your family and the planet.” -Sarah Paiji Yoo, co-founder and ceo, Blueland Available at blueland.com
“As a new mom and entrepreneur, I deserve a good drink. So I want to get my partner something they’d love but that I can also enjoy, too. What’s more satisfying than a well-made cocktail?” -Rachel Cohen, co-founder, Snowe Available at snowehome.com
“I plan to buy my husband this cool-but-comfortable cashmere hoodie from Naadam. A luxe sweater is one of those things we all love but aren’t always the quickest to buy for ourselves.” -Nicole Akhtarzad, Market Editor, WhoWhatWear.com Available at naadam.co
“I’m biased because my husband recently launched this bourbon — but Off Hours is the best holiday gift for your plus one! Distilled in the US, and meant for the modern bourbon drinker!” -Laure Gores Ireland, co-founder, Summer Fridays Available at shop.drinkoffhours.com
“My husband LOVES product. I recently discovered that Birchbox sends out beautiful monthly boxes of goodies for men! Also I get to support one of my favorite female-founders, Katia Beauchamp!” -Kristin O’Keeffe Merrick, @thegirlwhosavesmoney Available at birchbox.com
“My husband loves a good gadget, and this bluetooth speaker is perfect for on-the-go listening, but its retro-look is a cool enough to make a permanent home on your shelf.” – Ariane Goldman, founder and ceo, HATCH Available at Amazon.com
“This Evermill In-Drawer spice system is the solution we need to clean up the space – it’s chic, sustainable, well-designed and I’m obsessed with how the jars are built to align the label front and center.” -Holly Liss, CEO and founder, Enlisst Available at evermill.com
“I like to buy my husband things I want him to wear but that he’d never pick out on his own, like these cargo pants.” -Jamie Mizrahi, celebrity stylist Available at matchesfashion.com
“I typically run the kitchen so getting this new gadget for my husband will allow him to feel like he’s involved in home-cooked meals! Excited for our sous-vide cooked steaks and fish!” -Jane Kim-Roggen Available at crateandbarrel.com
Get 'Em Involved It's never too early to educate future voters.
By Colleen Crivello | Illustration by Ana Heard
This year’s a big one and voting in the 2020 election is critical. With the stakes high, there’s a good chance talk of voting is happening on the regular in most of our homes, so rather than leave our kids out of the discussion, we’re using this time to instill good habits in our future youth voters.
Take the littles to the polls (if that’s possible), watch kid-friendly news to keep up with candidates and campaigns, initiate thoughtful discussions around the dinner table, and foster confidence to voice their opinions. The earlier we can empower our kids to take agency over their future, the better, in my opinion.
For the young ones: five years and under
Depending on age, engagement will vary, but involving young kids in fun ways such as painting VOTE signs, wearing VOTE merch, and even teaching them the power of their choice through family votes like whether togo to the park or not?Taco night or sushi night? Watch a funny movie or a cartoon? make them understand the direct power of their vote, even on small issues. Plus, it’s never too early to take kids to the polling station on Election Day (if you can)! If you can’t, then show them how you fill out your mail-in ballot and send it off together.
Take littles-ones to the polls, if possible. And, if not, consider filling out your at-home ballot together and walking to the mailbox to send it off.
Ph: @denisevasi
Paint Your Point
While they themselves can’t vote, give them a voice voice by encouraging others to vote. Spend the weekend painting signs together that spread good news.
Friends Don't Let Friends Not Wear Vote Bracelets
Break out the beads, make VOTE inspired friendship bracelets to hand out to family and friends.
Mask Messaging
Remind others to vote with masks that have a message.
Ph: @mino
Read Books Like: Vote For Me!
Books that poke fun at politics but also open the conversation and allow kids to ask questions.
For The Older Ones: Elementary and beyond
Make talking about politics at home the norm. Partake in open dialogue, chat big topics of the day, tune into kid-friendly news tailored for their age, discuss the debates (plus post-debate commentary), and most importantly… Ask. Their. Opinion. Give kids a safe place to speak up, cultivate courage, be curious, ask questions and form ideas about the world around them, so when it does come time to vote, they feel confident in their beliefs.
Kid Friendly News
Tune into stations, channels, media outlets, and podcasts like CNN-10 or TIME for Kids tailored for kids and classrooms.
Watch This Video: I Am A Voter
A series with kids ranging from 12-19 years old talking about how voting impacts their future and why they can’t wait to exercise their right to vote.
Rally Votes Via Tik Tok
There’s rarely a time to encourage MORE Tik Tok usage, aside from now. Knowing they are going to be on Tik Tok regardless, might as well be putting their time to good use and making videos that encourage others to get out there to do their part.
Take It To The 'Gram
If Instagram is the platform of choices, post important voter messaging on IG.
Curate Social Media Feeds
From Instagram to Facebook, and Tik Tok craft a line-up of age-appropriate political news and resources.
Dinnertime Talks
Go around the table as a family to make predictions and challenge each other (kids, and adults alike). Teach kids their opinions and voice matter. Follow the news to see how closely everyone comes and chat about why.
Run For Student Office
If your kids are back at school in-person, encourage them to run for 1st, 2nd, or 3rd-grade class presidents or student offices. Have them consider ways to improve classtime and craft a speech on how they will execute.
Tali Farhadian Weinstein Wants to be Manhattan’s First Female D.A. Meet the woman changing New York.
By Ruthie Friedlander
She’s a prosecutor, a professor and a criminal justice reformer. She’s also an immigrant, a daughter, a wife and the mother of three girls. Tali Farhadian Weinstein is running for Manhattan D.A., the office that prosecutes violations of New York state laws and an office that – in its over 200 year history – has never been run by a woman.
Tali came to the United States in 1979 at the age of three, having fled the violence and anti-Semitism of revolutionary Iran. She went on to earn degrees from Yale College, Oxford University and Yale Law School, and was a Law Clerk for Judge Merrick B. Garland at the U.S. Court of Appeals for the D.C. Circuit, and at the U.S. Supreme Court for Justice Sandra Day O’Connor. In a nut shell, she’s a political rockstar who’s looking to reform the criminal justice system and improve New York’s most serious threats, like gun violence, sex and hate crimes and violence against women. As election cycle hits full swing, we sat down with Tali to discuss New York’s most pressing issues, her plans to implement change and how she’ll never take her freedom for granted.
Tali Farhadian Weinstein Photos courtesy of Tali Farhadian Weinstein
So what has it been like staging a full scale election campaign during Covid-19?
It was not how I envisioned a campaign for office. In the end I launched it from my apartment while my husband was in a different room on his computer. But, like everyone these days, we are both trying to get through it. I’m also trying to hold onto what might turn out better than before, what might stay with us across institutions – from courts, to schools, to businesses. Maybe it’s just a human instinct that we have to get something good out of all of this. Even with the criminal justice system. During Covid-19, the justice system had to do less because it was physically dangerous to meet, and in that period we needed to reflect on and learn from what we can actually do virtually. It was such a challenging time but perhaps we can all unlock a different way of learning and thinking.
Tell me about your professional journey so far that has led to this moment. What are some of the most inspiring moments in that journey?
I can tell you I’ve thought about Justice O’Connor very much with the recent passing of Justice Ginsberg. It hit me much harder than I thought it would. Through her loss, it took me back to how much I learned from Justice O’Connor on how to be a lawyer and the fundamental pursuit of justice, as well as how to be a woman in this profession and how to integrate all of those things.
I understand you fled Iran at the age of three. How did your childhood shape your ascension into the legal world, if at all?
I was always aware of the United States as a place of safety and opportunity. My parents sacrificed a lot to bring me here so I could have that safety and support. They didn’t take anything for granted amidst the chaos of life in Iran. I grew up admiring this country, so it led to my impulse to be a public servant. I do connect that desire to the experiences of my childhood.
What do you think are the biggest issues framing New York right now?
The issues now are the same as pre-pandemic, except that Covid-19 brought so much into sharper vision and has forced us to work harder. I want to take on gender-based violence. We knew that domestic violence was a serious crisis in New York before people were locked in with their abusers. So I think we need to double our efforts now. Before Covid-19, the police department received almost a quarter-million calls per year from abused women, and that probably wasn’t even half of the victims. Likewise with gun violence, it’s so devastating. The toll gun violence has taken in the last six months and over the summer is staggering. We’ve already surpassed the number of shootings from last year and the year isn’t over. The core mission of this office is to deliver on safety for everyone – no matter who you are and where you live, so we can all thrive and flourish and be who we want to be in the world.
We knew that domestic violence was a serious crisis in New York before people were locked in with their abusers. So I think we need to double our efforts now.
Does being a mother impact your work and your view of this role?
I’d like to think being a mother has enhanced my view of the world in every way. It’s hard to separate it from who I am and how I see everything. I was recently in a conversation with someone asking me questions about my trajectory and my career. She asked me when I had kids. I told her I had three children as a federal prosecutor. I was prosecuting murders and gang cases while eight months pregnant. She said, “Now I know you actually have the stamina to do this job.” I think as women we sometimes take for granted what it means to be balancing all of these responsibilities. Had she not asked me, I would have never thought it was so remarkable because of course people are parenting and fulfilling responsibilities everyday, but we have expected much more of women. That’s obvious of course.
I would imagine, as a mother, you bring a great deal of empathy to the justice system.
I talk about empathy a lot. I harken back to being an immigrant kid in our country. On my first night in the United States, at JFK airport, the first American we met was a law enforcement officer. He approached my family with empathy and compassion, even though we likely had fake visas and he could have easily turned us around and deported us on the spot. So I do think it’s important. I’ve prosecuted murder cases and I’ve done tough things, but it doesn’t mean you can’t approach a murder case without empathy and compassion and vulnerability. Our community does better when humanity is in full force. But I’m of two minds about the idea of empathy and how people associate that with being a mother and a woman. What I really want to say is that all of us – both men and women should be drawing on our humanity when we do this work. To say that’s a special insight that mothers have, as much as I understand it, is asking too little of everyone else.
Absolutely. So speaking of women, and seeing how we recently lost RBG, are you frightened by the potential reversals in women’s maternal health and healthcare rights in our country?
It’s disheartening that we are not on stable ground when it comes to the advancement of women’s equality. I recently saw an article in The 19th about how big the gap was in the Trump administration between men and women, and how much that gap exists across industries. I feel very much aware that being a female candidate is different. It’s just a fact that you hear things you’d never hear as a male. I’m not the first to observe that there’s never a perfect time for a woman to enter politics. She’s either too old or too young. She has too much experience or not enough. It’s always out there. Covid-19 started and I was asked, “Are you sure you should run for office? There’s so much upheaval with the kids out of school.” And I’d say, “Well we still need a D.A.” There’s actually never been a woman in this office. That is also true of other important offices throughout the country. Less than 20 percent of elected prosecutors are women.
Covid-19 started and I was asked, ‘Are you sure you should run for office? There’s so much upheaval with the kids out of school.’ And I’d say, ‘Well, we still need a D.A.’
Where do you see your career going? Where do you hope to be in 10 to 20 years?
I really want to do this job and, while I don’t think anyone is entitled to stay in this job forever, I think the work of transforming a D.A.’s office is a long term project. I’d be honored to do it for a really long time.
What are you doing when you’re not working?
Well none of us are going to the birthday parties that once filled our days, but my husband and I, our approach has been to do nothing on the weekends and not have obligations. We both work so hard during the week. Before the pandemic, we were away from our kids so much during the week. Any lessons or obligations they had were squeezed into the week. But we like to go to the park. We like to spend time with each other. I once read that the greatest way to give confidence to kids is for them to know you really like hanging out with them. It’s not about enjoying the activity or doing something productive, but that you think being on the couch together is a really great thing to do. We try to hold onto that on weekends and do very little, which of course is a huge privilege just taking that time off. The goal is to do nothing with my kids.
Particularly if you’re pregnant and other, more traditional de-stressors aren’t on the menu for a while, sit back and massage your sweaty palms into this Giant Gumball as you weep for the future.
How Can I Raise Future Voters? (And how should we talk politics at home?)
By Dr. Aliza Pressman | Photo By Morgan Pansing
From starting solids to sleep training, parenting is full of decisions that most of us are making on the fly. Should we go back in and rock them to bed? Is television really the worst thing ever? Most of our choices reflect our individual perspectives on parenting, family and various levels of by-the-bookdom, but once in a while it helps to call in the big guns like a true expert opinion. So we’re bringing you answers to common parenting questions thanks to Babe’s resident pediatric expert, Dr. Aliza Pressman, Ph.D., co-founder of the Mount Sinai Parenting Institute and host of Raising Good Humans podcast. This week she tackles how to raise socially conscious kids and future voters and how to have politically charged conversations at home.
Q. Dear Aliza,
With the upcoming 2020 election, I want to take the time to show my little ones how they can take action and grow up and become socially conscious voters of their own. It seems like a paramount moment, but I’m not sure how to best demonstrate the importance of voting for such a little kids (3 and 18 months). I also have a mother-in-law with very different political views than my own. How do I model responsible discourse in front of my children when the differences in opinion are so severe?
– Lindsay C., mom to Stella, 3 and Owen, 18 months.
A. “The first thing is that we know kids model and learn best through our authentic modeling. So if we want kids who care about voting or who are social justice oriented, there’s no shortcut. It means you gotta get the postcards and sit down with your kids and send them out to voters. And you have to put signs up and do the things. There’s no greater lesson for them than watching you act. Even babies, bring them to vote with you (even though it’s kind of a funky time for that). Show them how important it is to you and what a privilege it is. Make a ritual of it, where you’re not just paying the bills, but you’re voting. Have a voting breakfast party. Make it special.
“Make a ritual of it, where you’re not just paying the bills, but you’re voting.” Photo by Rachel Miller
This election is particularly difficult. It’s a fine balance. You don’t want to overshare with them regarding the politics of the world and get stuck in nasty rhetoric. But in looking at the big picture of things you care about, decide how you can make changes. That’s why things that seem performative, like signs in the yard or pins are actually fun for kids. It’s fun for them to make signs and wear hats and participate with those kinds of things. The performance of it may very well be more useful when you have kids because even if you look at older kids, teenagers are constantly posting social media political beliefs and making lots of supporting social justice through social media. As much as we adults eye roll at the performance of it all, there’s something happening. They’re connecting over a collecting concern socially and that’s a good thing. And all those things turn into social activism over time. Include kids in things that get positive feedback in social activism and that are concrete, like filling out addresses on postcards for swing votes. Anything that makes it a thing. If you talk about it constantly, that won’t do anything. It’s like reading the paper in front of kids. But let them get excited about it by watching the debates. Ideally you want to teach them to be critical thinkers who can make good voting decisions.
Include kids in things that get positive feedback in social activism and that are concrete, like filling out addresses on postcards for swing votes.
If you and your partner differ politically, that’s super exciting, actually. You have an opportunity to show your kids you have more than one POV and how people with different POVs can have a proper exchange. We haven’t really had an opportunity to model that kind of thing. So it can be really wonderful if you can. But you want them not to have their views because they’re copying you but because they’re critical thinkers. So when they say something, dig deeper at why they feel that way. But be sure to do more than talk sh*t about the other party. Give them something specific. The other thing is taking action is always more effective than talking about how awful things are or other people are. These kids have the opportunity to grow up in a world where it isn’t even an option to not be voting, it’s not even acceptable. It’s such a critical time and you cannot be lazy about it. For a long time, there’s been a lot of resting. If we can look at it that way, these kids have the best opportunity to be the generation that makes a huge difference. It’s so important to parents right now and it’s so great.”
From starting solids to sleep training, parenting is full of decisions that most of us are making on the fly. Should we go back in and rock them to bed? Is television really the worst thing ever? Most of our choices reflect our individual perspectives on parenting, family and various levels of by-the-bookdom, but once in a while it helps to call in the big guns like a true expert opinion. So we’re bringing you answers to common parenting questions thanks to Babe’s resident pediatric expert, Dr. Aliza Pressman, Ph.D., co-founder of the Mount Sinai Parenting Institute and host of
