5 Moms Talk Baby Number Two And how to prep number one.
By Babe | Photo by Ashley Barrett
FYI….your second pregnancy might be way different than your first. For starters, you’ll likely pop earlier than you did the first time around (your body remembers). Then there’s the notion that you’re older and likely exhausted in a new, age appropriate way. Oh, and did we mention you’re also chasing another child around instead of sitting back and nesting? Yeah, the second one can be a doozy.
But what’s perhaps most profound about your second pregnancy won’t be figuring out how to split up a room, or when to swap carseats, but preparing your first child for their new sibling. It can be a delicate situation, that regardless of the prep work, might still leave your number one totally gobsmacked when you bring home a perfect, seven pound angel. (Oh, and your first child will suddenly look HUGE).
Here, five mothers break down how they’re preparing their first child – and in many ways, themselves – for the arrival of baby number two.
Carly Cardellino
“We took a course with Dr. Becky Kennedy called How To Introduce A Sibling To Your Newborn. She provides sound methods on how to do this with care. For example, something as minor as not calling her a “big sister” removes the stigma and pressure of having to fill the role of being a “big sister” and the sudden need to “know everything.” Instead, she’s just a “sister,” and being older is not what defines her. Plus, we asked that family and friends make a point of engaging with her and not just her brother when they come over so as not to make her feel suddenly left out.”
“Beyond some of the logistical things like making my daughter Coco a “big girl room” to free up the nursery, my plan is just to let things unfold as they will. That kind of mantra has always been a de-stressor for me. I’m excited to approach each stage knowing what I know now, how everything is so fleeting and temporary. We’ll definitely have to tag team things a bit more having a busy toddler this time around, but truly, I’m staying open and doing my best to savor every moment as they come.”
“I think something that’s been really helpful in mentally trying to manage that is the fact that they’re five years apart. I think I always had this natural anxiety of the scary two under twos and the two under threes, or whatever, because they’re so busy and you’re learning so much about them and they’re learning so much about the world. So now that he’s five, he’s fairly independent. He just started kindergarten. So I am very grateful that I’m not going to have a newborn and a toddler at home. God bless the parents who do that.”
Above: Melanie in the Carolina dress. At right: Melanie in the Riley sweater and Austen pant. Photos by Ashley Barrett
Molly Yeh
“Every morning she wakes up and lifts my shirts and pats my belly and says good morning to the baby. We talk about what we should name the baby. She says Bernie. I’m working on explaining to her that it would be a little confusing. We’re always talking about it. Bernie also decided which room would be her sister’s room and which would be her room. So we’re trying to let her have as much say in decisions as she is able to.”
“Alex’s grandmother said to me, ‘You love Frankie so much, and you’re wondering how you could possibly love another baby in the same way?’ However, from what I gather, the love is infinite and different for each child. Another girlfriend of mine is pregnant with her fourth, and told me that you love all your children differently. Each baby taps into a unique aspect of your personality as a woman, almost as if they all have different moms. I love this concept and think it’s a beautiful way to look at it.”
Above: Cassie in the Out The Door Sweatshirt and The Everyday Nursing Bra. At right: Cassie in the Ryan Dress.
Leora H. was feeling a little shy in her baby prep class. The time had come for the moms-to-be to go around the room to discuss their personal agenda for life postpartum and their plans for feeding. Like clockwork, each pregnant woman discussed their plans to breastfeed, most of them exclusively. Then it came her turn.
“I didn’t really know what to say,” says Leora, a stay-at-home based in Brooklyn, NY. “I had this fear of getting canceled if I just came out and said that I didn’t want to nurse. But the truth is, I’ve just never had the desire. It’s as simple as that.”
Eventually, Leora did fess up to her formula fed plans, but her hesitation summons to mind an age old debates in the pregnancy and postpartum communities – the desire to nurse or not.
“There are certainly acknowledged benefits, there’s no question about it,” Dr. Mary Jane Minkin, a clinical professor of obstetrics, gynecology and reproductive sciences at Yale School of Medicine told The New York Times. “The problem is that breast-feeding is not an easy thing to do,” she said. “It’s extremely time-consuming and even if you work in the most hospitable environment for allowing breast-feeding, it’s hard to do when you’re back at work.”
Then of course are the issues that come with breastfeeding, like poor latching, inverted or flat nipples, mastitis or clogged ducts, and just the general stress of being the sole provider of nourishment for an infant for the foreseeable future. That’s a lot of time, stress and physical endurance for a new mother, especially one who’s back-to-work clock is ticking or has a very needy toddler tugging her leg constantly.
“In the end, I had my baby and maintained my choices around breastfeeding, and I’m really happy I did,” says Leora. “I think had I succumbed to the pressure to breastfeed just because other moms do it, that would be so inauthentic to my experience.”
At Babe, we are all about you choosing your own adventure in this baby-raising game. There is no right or wrong answer to how you choose to feed or do pretty much anything else. So the next time, you’re gathered around a coffee clutch full of pregnant ladies detailing their exclusive breastfeeding plans, simply offer to bow out of the conversation by stating your plans and that you’re not currently accepting advice at that time.
Also, we recommend that you discuss your preferences with your medical providers so they know your plans up front. You’d be surprised by how many pediatricians might try to talk you into nursing, in which case, you’re likely in the wrong office for you and your family. And lastly, just own your sh*t. You and only you know what’s best for your crew. Just remember, fed is best – any which way you do it.
Tori Praver on style, cravings and prepping for number three.
By Babe | Photos by Ashley Barrett
The model, swimwear designer and mama of two is expecting her third baby this summer. We checked in with Tori her to talk cravings, maternity style (did we mention she starred in our first-ever denim campaign?) and why you won’t find her rocking the “bump out” fashion trend anytime soon.
How are you feeling?
I’m good, hanging in. I think that this pregnancy is definitely more exhausting than in the past, but I can’t complain. I have a cousin who’s one week ahead of me and she’s sick everyday. So I’ll take totally exhausted over that. All is well, but I’m only 25 weeks so it’s going to get harder. I think during my last two pregnancies, I was was just younger and had more energy, but honestly the pregnancy has been fine for the most part.
Do you know what you’re having?
I’m having another boy. I’m due at the end of June. My son was meant to be a Taurus but he was 10 days late. So he’s a Gemini and so is my husband. I’m hoping this baby makes it out of that window. There’s a lot of Gemini energy in our house, which is a lot of emotions and a lot of personalities.
Do you have a “birth plan?”
I had my son at home and that’s the plan for this baby, also. I have a midwife and a little team put together. We’re remodeling our house so I’m hoping to get moved in in time. With my daughter, I wanted to stay home with her, too, but she was my first and everyone was nervous so I did a hospital. But my instinct with that birth was that I wanted to stay home. I was hesitant to leave but I knew I had to.
With my second, I loved the comfort of being in my home and having my own bed and my own things and not in a car driving to some sterile place, which is the opposite of what environment I wanted to be in. It was just a whole new world of difference. It really was amazing. I knew I wanted to do it again. I’m excited about it. My poor husband, though. This is his first child, since I remarried. So, this seems crazy to him, but I think he’ll appreciate it at the end of the day.
We got married in September and went to Africa on our honeymoon. I found out I was pregnant three weeks later, so he was conceived there. It was meant to be – our honeymoon baby. I didn’t think it would happen so quickly. It was a shock. But my husband is going to be 45 and doesn’t have kids, so his clock was ticking more than anyone.
How about your cravings?
It’s funny. It’s the same every single time. I have this weird lemon / sour craving and essentially I have lemonade everyday. It’s better than ice cream, I guess. I also try to do a high protein diet that my midwife recommends for a lot of different reasons, mostly around what the baby needs and my energy levels. I’m not such an animal protein person outside of pregnancy. I’m more like a salad person.
There’s a lot of Gemini energy in our house, which is a lot of emotions and a lot of personalities.
What are your thoughts on achieving work/life balance as a new mom?
I slowed down a bit with my business in general. I have a swimwear line but luckily I don’t have such a full plate of things to do as I did in the past. I also wrote a children’s book, so getting out there and promoting it has been a lot of fun. I prefer doing mini capsule collections instead of big Resort and Spring launches for my swimwear. It’s nice and allows you to do more new things more often verses one big collection each year.
Any self-care rituals that have gotten you through?
I’m still doing a lot of yoga – at least twice a week. I try to make it to pilates also. But other than that, I’m busy with my kids. Naps are honestly such a game changer and if I can fit one in, that’s huge. I’ve been trying to get as much acupuncture and prenatal massages as I can, which are great but they can be uncomfortable, so the right person is key. I’ve used this special mama’s belly oil with all my kids. It’s my nighttime belly rub ritual that’s saved me from stretch marks.
Let’s talk style. How did you approach pregnancy dressing?
I’m wearing my HATCH overalls now. I love the maternity jeans and sweaters, and t-shirts I can dress up or down. Shoes are my main pregnancy accessory. It’s the one thing that fits. It’s hard. The one thing about being pregnant is that you’ll have an idea for an outfit in mind, and then it’s like OK this is not good. This is not what I thought this would be. I’ll change 10 times before i leave the house.
What are your postpartum plans?
For the first time I’ll have a night nurse, which is exciting. I’ve never had one before. We’ll have her for three months, which is a game-changer. I’m super excited to be able to sleep and be rested for my kids. I also have a great family circle. My mom is around and she’s amazing with my kids. We have a nanny. I feel super lucky to have the help I do. I’m preparing to be exhausted, but I think it’s going to be OK.
High waisted skinny jeans. Oh I really miss them. I’m just a jeans girl. I love my HATCH jeans but the rest of them are so tight on the lower belly. I would just rather not, so I’m wearing dresses and loose denim maternity jeans.
Thoughts on the newer “belly out” maternity trend?
I don’t know – I just don’t feel super inspired there. I’m not modest but that to me is not anything I want to do. I’m all about body-con, tight dresses that show my belly. But for me, I’m just not sure. I can’t just show up to my kids’ school pick-up with my belly hanging out.
What are your hopes for your child?
I’m so excited to be bringing another baby into my family’s lives right now. My kids are so excited. He’ll have a big brother and a big sister and everyone is just so excited and waiting impatiently. To be the littlest of three, I always wanted more siblings. I’m almost jealous of him to have these brothers and sisters. He will be super loved.
Two Kids + Chronic Pain How one mother soldiers on in constant physical agony.
By Danielle Stern | Photos courtesy of Danielle Stern
Danielle Stern, founder of creative bespoke brand, Lefty’s Right Mind has been living with chronic body mind throughout her life. As a mother and a professional, she’s had to overcome this massive obstacle to create a life she envisioned for herself. Here, she’s telling her story in the hopes that other women struggling with unrelenting pain can perhaps begin to see theirs, too.
I can’t recall if it was when I barely made it down the driveway to put Mila on the bus or if it was when I couldn’t walk up the stairs to my room, that I had my most recent “feel bad for myself” breakdown. Needless to say it was my last; I committed to work towards living a life, a month, even a day, with chronic pain.
Let me preface by saying that this is me at my most vulnerable. I’m struggling to type my trigger words like “scoliosis” or “arthritis.” But I keep reminding myself of why I’m writing this in the first place. It’s to remind anyone else living with pain, that they are not alone.
So yeah, I’ll come out and say it, I wore a back brace in middle school. Fortunately, I didn’t wear it during the day, but you bet I wore it during sleepovers and at sleepaway camp – talk about a character builder! I was that 8-year-old who was exempt from nurse scoliosis checks during Phys Ed (and felt so cool about it.)
Fast forward to my 20’s, I feared when a friend or date asked me to a concert. Standing up and standing still, to this day, is my kryptonite. The pain gets so intense that I’d rather be home than out having fun. I was and still am, that person sitting down at a concert, and maybe (ahem, always) falling asleep.
For a time, I attempted specialized yoga for scoliosis. It became the support group that made me feel less alone. It was the first time I was motivated to work out, feeling stronger than ever (although I much prefer playing sports) until a discouraging private session that tore my right labrum. Even with surgery, my hip will never be the same.
When I got pregnant with our first baby girl, Mila, I endured all the things – vomiting, food aversions, reflux, and of course, my trusty steed, the pain. I ended up receiving cortisone shots in my lower back when I couldn’t bear it. I’d get stuck on the couch and my husband Noah, like Prince Charming on his white horse, would have to pick me up and carry me to bed. To this day, I can’t lay on my back without experiencing shooting pains in my left ass cheek. While most first-time parents are out living their last days of “freedom”, we stayed home because I couldn’t walk. Pretty sure my 96-year-old-great aunt was in better shape.
Baby number two, Demi, was a much harder pregnancy. I was in my second trimester by the time the pandemic hit, so cortisone shots were hard to come by. The pain started much sooner this time. Thankfully, we were living with my parents, so I had an incredible amount of support. My doctor prescribed lidocaine patches to help numb the fireworks going off inside my body. I was essentially covered in what looked like toilet paper, but hey, I was willing to try anything.
If you haven’t guessed it by now, I had two scheduled c-sections. My right hip didn’t bounce back after surgery and my doctor was convinced that if I tried to give birth naturally, my pelvis would shatter. Growing up with back issues, I always had a feeling this was my fate, but it was still a hard pill to swallow when it became reality; there were tears. I’d be lying if I didn’t fantasize about that movie moment where I get to scream at my husband, who is running around like a chicken without a head, supporting me anyway he can, covered in sweat while I simultaneously push a baby out of my lady parts. But cesarean sections are all I know and from one baby to the next, the experience got easier because I knew what to expect. When life gives you lemons, ask for salt and tequila, am I right?
While most first-time parents are out living their last days of ‘freedom,’ we stayed home because I couldn’t walk.
Throughout my journey, luckily, I’ve met some wonderful surgeons and pain specialists. I’ve read books like Healing Back Pain: The Mind-Body Connection by John E. Sarno and continue to make regular visits to acupuncturists and physical therapists. They play an instrumental part in my life, and I will forever be grateful for their care and advice.
Whether it was from scoliosis or my newly diagnosed arthritis, I can’t remember a day where I wasn’t in physical pain. This is not meant to be a sob story but more a reminder of the importance of resilience and taking care of yourself. I’m sure we all love the proverbial female struggle of finding time for ourselves. It’s easier said than done when pressure is coming at you from all angles and a mere shower seems impossible to navigate. But prioritizing ourselves is a must if we want to be our best selves for everyone around us as well. My girls call my full-body heating pad a superhero cap. They’re not wrong. Whatever your journey is, never forget to prioritize you.
My motivation wavers and THAT IS OKAY. Ups and downs are imminent but I know I’ll never give up. I WILL play competitive tennis again. I WILL run around with my girls. I WILL live out ALL of my career dreams. When I feel down, I remind myself that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger and that it’s all about perspective. A smart man once said, “Get busy living, or get busy dying.” Rather than succumb to the pain, I’ve made it my mission to face my chronic pain head on. I will be okay! And hey, my silver lining? My high threshold for pain makes laser hair removal feel like a back tickle!
3 Myths Debunked About Postpartum Hair Loss & Haircare From our friends at Prose
We teamed up with our friends at Prose to give you the 411 on all things related to that postpartum hair struggle. And let’s be honest: the struggle is real. Since we first heard about it, we’ve been recommending looking into Prose’s Root Source hair supplements as an affordable (under $50!) solution- not only because it was created by moms that get it, but because, science. Here, our friends at Prose debunk three postpartum hair loss and hair care myths.
Myth 1: There’s nothing you can do.
It is totally normal to feel a sense of hopelessness at this time. You’ve been through 9+ months of pregnancy, you’re negotiating a new life with an infant, and now, hair woes? How on Earth are you supposed to conquer that? But here’s the scientific truth: Postpartum hair loss is real, but there are things you can do. Talk to your doctor, who can, at the very least, offer you a digestible explanation regarding what is happening and why. Additionally: simple hairstyle changes, supplements, or accessories can shift your look if you’re feeling a little confident.
Myth 2: You need an arsenal of products.
Both yes and no. Truth: nothing will stop you from postpartum hair loss, but with small changes, there’s significant growth. One thing to always remember: ingredients matter when it comes to creating a regrowth plan and keeping your hair healthy.
Prose’s Root Source has ingredients with sustainable, traceable sourcing, are plant-based, vegan, and do not target your hormones. There are no synthetic fillers or additives, no artificial flavoring or coloring, and none of that yucky drug stuff like finasteride and minoxidil. You can count on every ingredient having a job to do and doing it. And get this: In rigorous clinical testing and in-house study, participants saw results over 90 days:
93% saw improved hair growth**
91% saw reduced hair loss*
90% saw reduced hair breakage**
90% saw improved hair appearance**
Myth 3: “I’ll Never Come Back from This!”
Just like no one’s pregnancy journey is the same, your postpartum hair loss experience will be very much your own. There is no “one size fits all,” which is why Root Source is the best solution. You can customize your beauty routine solution with Prose and examine all the factors that affect your hair thinning, like your diet and environment.
*Double-blind clinical study vs. placebo related to our proprietary blend performed on 60 subjects during 12 weeks.
**Results of a 3-month in-house study of Prose 2-step hair growth program performed on 69 subjects. Results may vary.
This article was written in partnership with Prose.
Hot. Sex. Pregnancy. Style. These celebs are bringing it.
By Babe
In celebration of our newest Body collection (think comfy, sexy, body-hugging styles), we’re honoring all of the pregnant women out there who took maternity fashion and lit it on fire. We’re talking bump out, flesh-baring, hot-sex-on-a-platter pregnancy style.
We’re rounding up our favorite body-rocking mamas who took gestation and made it effing SEXY. Ladies, we salute you.
All We Can Talk About on Date Night is Our Baby Poop talk and wine, anyone?
By Ruthie Friedlander
Scenario: After a long workday, you finally (who knows how?) manage to give yourself a mini facial, swipe on some mascara, and put on something that resembles a “going-out” shoe. It’s date night and everything is set. Childcare? Check (thanks to Vivvi). Sleeping baby before departure? Check. Reservation at a restaurant that does not have a children’s menu but an ample wine selection? Triple. Check.
You arrive shockingly on time. Candles, flowers, the works. And then suddenly it creeps in:
“Oh my god,” you blurt out, “did you hear Tommy make his dinosaur noise today? Can you even!”
And from then on, it’s more of the same. For the next. Three. Hours.
Adorable storytelling about new sounds, milestone achievements, and descriptions of bowel movements. All whilst at the dinner table. You’re sitting there with your S.O. (not to mention your moisturized face and epic shoes) and all the two of you can talk about is that collage video thing Google put together of little Tommy’s playdate.
“It’s completely expectable to want to share with your partner the most important thing going on in your life,” Christin Drake, MD, psychiatrist and women’s mental health expert tells us. “The trouble is, parents really benefit a great deal from the feeling of a break from their parenting duties and that includes emotional work. So it is very worthwhile to take a break from the conversations about baby and to try to focus on speaking about yourselves or about what is going on in the rest of the world.”
Here, Dr. Drake, a mama of two herself, shares some suggestions on how to get through the hurdle without ignoring the adorably cute elephant (your baby) in the room.
Find and then trust your childcare option.
“Having support with childcare makes all of the difference here. It is good practice to ask for it, barter for it, pay for it when you can. And again, getting into the practice of using childcare over and above what you may need for work and other family obligations in order to have time for self-care and caring for the partnership.”
Make time to talk about the real stuff.
“One pattern that I have seen is that new parents don’t actually have enough time to discuss necessary household and baby logistics so they end up spending precious time during an evening out or a stolen coffee date talking about their kids. I often suggest a family meeting at whatever cadence makes sense for your family as a placeholder for those conversations. Then, if kid talk is creeping into adult time, it is easier to remind one another that there is a place and time for that… and that time is enough.”
Get intimate.
“Casual touch is a phenomenal tool, especially for new parents who are in the thick of the physical parts of raising children and when sex does not feel as appealing or as possible. Eye contact, smiles, a hand on the small of the back, all of these small efforts can go a long way to remind parents that they have a sexual and intimate connection. And they take no time at all. I also always like to remind people that screens and phones work directly against a satisfying intimate life for so many parents. So if you have ambitions to have a satisfying sex life, you really must put the phone down.”
Go guilt-free.
“What is healthy for parents is good for children. Spending all of our time thinking and talking and doing for the baby is [not so healthy]. There is just no way to be a satisfied adult in that situation. So prioritizing ourselves really is essential to being the best parents we can be. If you can sit with that, the conflict between time for parents and time for baby softens a bit.”
Want to learn more? Watch our digital event with our friends from Vivvi, below:
Vivvi is reinventing child care and early learning for today’s families. Check out Vivvi’s beautiful New York Campuses or get to know their national In-Home Program, which brings passionate, experienced educators right into your home.
How Our Community Styles HATCH It's all about the one-and-done.
By Babe | Photo courtesy of @ajamyjones
We recently took to Instagram to check out how real women are styling HATCH these days. From their effortless accessories to expert-level layering skills, these ladies are taking our pieces and making them entirely their own, and we love to see it. Another thing we love? The way our jumpsuits, overalls, onesies and unitards are helping these gals feel comfortable, cool and ready to take on their day. It’s minimal effort meets maximum style, and we’re here for it.
The Essential Denim Overall
Because we’re never not channeling the 90’s somehow, our classic Denim Maternity Overalls serve old school cool but feel modern. They’ll also grow with you throughout your entire pregnancy.
A relative newcomer to the HATCH lineup, our Body Rib Unitard is serving up a strong dose of sexy while also making a perfect base on which to layer. it. up.
We’re here for this 80’s-inspired trend. Not only is our Body Rib Bike Short supremely comfortable, but throw on an oversized collegiate sweatshirt and you’ve got off-duty Princess Diana vibes.
Whether you’re stepping out in our Noelle Jumper or keeping it chill at home in our 24/7 Feeding Jumpsuit, these HATCH icons will see you from before, during to wayyy after babe.
The only thing better than overalls? Soft maternity overalls. Our Zadie Overall is cuter-than-cute and nursing-friendly thanks to adjustable straps, and finished with patch pockets at the front and back.
All the Things We Don't See Two years ago, the city of San Francisco shut down, and Cris Pearlstein started writing.
By Cris Pearlstein | Photos courtesy of Cris Pearlstein
Suddenly I had nowhere to go, nowhere to be, no expectations of plans or productivity. We had been in San Francisco for six months and were starting to find our footing. I learned which parks were best for my just-barely two-year-old daughter, which streets were too steep to for pushing a stroller, and which coffeeshops sold croissants. I was beginning to make friends who also had little kids, but when the world stopped my ability to grow my village did, too.
I spent those first months of lockdown trying to stay safe and sane in our two-bedroom apartment with a toddler, a dog, and a co-parent who spent his days on back-to-back conference calls. I took up baking, beading, and being bare-faced. I cooked and cleaned, and then cooked and cleaned some more.
I knew we were living through a unique experience and I wanted a record of it. I started a series on my Instagram feed called Captain’s Log where I wrote about each day’s struggles, setbacks, and little wins. The following is adapted from those entries, and explores the monotony, the beauty and the chaos of being a mom during Covid-19.
We decide to take a walk because we don’t remember the last time we did. It feels good to be outside, but I’m dodging people on the sidewalk like I’d get electrocuted if I accidentally brushed up against an elbow. One big game of frogger. Walk to the left, dart to the right, dip into the bike lane if you have to.
We stop in front of the optical store when my daughter shouts kitty cat, so I peek in the window like I do every time we pass by. I see it all the way in the back, jet black fur with green eyes glowing. I’m still for a moment, transfixed, and then ask my daughter if she sees it too. She says yes, but I know she’s lying because her stroller seat is too low and the angle is off. She doesn’t need to see it to know it’s there.
I run into Walgreens to check if they’ve restocked the toilet paper. I see a guy standing in line to pay holding Pop Tarts, Lunchables, and a box of Bagel Bites. I think to myself, I’ve never seen anyone more single in my life. Then I wonder, wouldlockdown be fun without a toddler?
It’s morning and M brings me coffee in bed before he takes the dog out to pee. I soft-boil him some eggs and make him a smoothie. I gently knock on his office door (aka our bedroom) and hand them over. He smiles and mouths thank you, pointing to his ear buds. I smile back. Maybe we’ll have sex tonight. Or maybe we’ll just finish season one of that show we started.
In the hectic haze of my 143rd load of laundry I shrink M’s tee shirt. Do clothes get dirty if you never go outside? I put it on, tuck it into a pair of high-waisted jeans, and feel like a real person for a minute. It has been 19 days since I’ve worn jeans. A record, to be sure.
Above and at right: Cris and family mask up for the first time.
I reluctantly walk to Trader Joe’s. I don’t know how long it’s been since I left our apartment. The line is long so I listen to the Mermaids soundtrack, twice. Cher, Wynona, Christina. The cardigans, the lighthouse, the praying. All that black hair. I feel someone’s breath on my neck and bite a guy’s head off. Can you please give me some space?!
My gel manicure has finally grown out. I’m dying for a bikini wax, but that’s not an option so I tell myself to stop thinking about it. I’m grateful I don’t color my hair, inject shit in my face, or rely on fake eyelashes. I realize letting myself go during a pandemic isn’t quite as scary when the face I see in the mirror is actually my own.
Every day I notice another store or restaurant boarded up, closed for now or for good, hope to serve you again soon. Signs on windows say, we need your help, bear with us during this time. Can you donate? Can you support us? I Venmo our local bookstore because I feel the need to help. But I can’t help them all and that makes me sad. To decide, I ask myself, which business will I miss if it doesn’t come back?
I grab the dinner plates and insert them into the dishwasher all in a row. Then the small plates on the opposite side. The bowls next, nestled into each other, and the cutting boards along the edges. Our small water glasses fit nicely anywhere in the top row, but our tall monogrammed ones only fit towards the front of the rack. I know this because I have been doing this puzzle twice a day since restaurants closed. To finish I wedge the pieces of my daughter’s sippy cups in between this glass or that lid in hopes they don’t fall to the bottom and melt.
Apparently it takes 62 days to grow out a pedicure. Well, most of a pedicure. My big toe is holding strong, a chipped sliver of Essie Wicked stubbornly staying put. And no I will not take it off, and no I will not apply a fresh coat, but thanks for asking. I decide to let my pedicure die a natural death. I decide by not engaging with the ritual of taking it off, I somehow am exempt from the ritual of putting it on again.
We go for another walk, this time without the stroller. Frankie lunges at every dog she sees, despite my warnings to ask the owner first. She gets hold of a fluffy apricot-colored one, and pats its head. It licks her fingers before I can pull her away. Can dogs be carriers? Or are they the pure, innocent animals I want them to be?
Every night for the four glorious months they’re in season M and I share a Sumo orange. They’re perfectly sweet, slightly tart, and ugly as hell. I tell him, some people say if you peel an orange all in one shot, without breaking the skin, it’s good luck. I also tell him the other thing: the ugliest ones are the best ones. The lumpier they are, the yummier they are. The splotchier the skin, the sweeter the pulp. The part you see has no bearing on the part you don’t. What a mind fuck.
I’m so bored I decide to clean my plants. Using a wet paper towel I gently wipe each individual leaf to reveal a shiny, green surface that was dull and grey-ish just a moment before. I feel guilty that I never thought to do this. Then I realize even if I had thought of it, I wouldn’t have actually done it. I never had that kind of time.
It’s sunny out so we walk again, this time to Fisherman’s Wharf. It’s dead, more empty than I’ve ever seen it, but we stay and keep going anyway. After all, the water still sparkles. There are stars in the water, my daughter says. The sea lions still bark loudly, laying on the docks, their fat bodies draped over each other as if we’re not in the middle of a pandemic. The seagulls still scream overhead. The boats are still afloat, in their slips. Lucky Lady, Angelina, Joey Lee, Pico, Salvador. Yellow, green, turquoise, red, blue. The few people I do see are wearing masks, scarves, bandanas—anything to keep it away—but with smiles underneath. I don’t have to see the smiles to know they’re there. It’s all in the eyes.
Daily life in San Francisco, shut down.
I open the washing machine and realize I left a load of laundry in it soaking wet for two days. Or was it three? It’s hard to keep track anymore when every day feels the same. Wake up, watch the news, which bottle of wine should we drink tonight? Leggings for me, lunchtime for her, let’s FaceTime the grandparents. Bubble bath, bedtime story, please stay in your bed tonight. Pour a glass, then another, adult coloring while we watch a new show. Is it too late for another episode or should we go to sleep?
In the grass of the empty baseball field we meet a dog named Louie with the tallest, scruffiest stand-up ears I’ve ever seen. He smiles with his whole body, his tail wagging as my daughter reaches out her little hand. She shrieks with excitement. She’s a different kid outside, my husband always says, and he’s right. When it’s time to go we walk home, uphill. We climb sidewalks that might as well be vertical. My legs burn in a good way.
Let’s drive to that special park to go scooting, I suggest. I load up the car, arms full of everything a toddler needs in a day, buckle up, pull the gear into reverse, then hear a faint crunch sound. I get out and see that her scooter tipped over behind the rear tire. I reach for it and feel soreness in my arm where the red Band Aid still is. I have to say it aloud to believe it: I ran over my own kid’s scooter with my own car.
My daughter is in school now so we don’t walk as much as we used to. I wrestle her into her carseat every morning while she asks me questions, lightning-round style, for the whole 8 minutes it takes us to drive there. Why don’t we have three eyes? Why do dogs have nails? What is a galaxy? Why does everyone have germ-y wormies? I realize how much there is I don’t know.
School is closed today. On top of everything else going on it’s fire season. The air isn’t safe to breathe. Stay inside, don’t open the windows, aren’t we doing that anyway? But the sun is shining, the sky clear enough to see the bridge, all majestic and red, tall and strong. Looks like a beautiful day to me.
I use the same mask for over a year, washing it every other day. I am so sick of it, but am hesitant to buy a new one. Mask mandates will be lifted any day now, right? I ask M, how much longer could this possibly go on? He gives me a look that says, open your eyes and a shrug that says, this could be forever. I buy a new 3-pack.
Every morning on the drive to school I make a left on Octavia Street, which is a very, very steep hill. The kind of hill where you can’t see what’s happening at the top until you get there. I could easily go a different way, a flatter way, but every day this is the way I choose. When I get old I will talk about the years we spent in San Francisco during the pandemic. I will talk about how our apartment overlooked the Golden Gate Bridge. I will talk about driving up steep hills, not knowing what was at the top.
Shannon Tripp is Making It Work For this mama of 4 and pediatric nurse, it's about balance and presence.
By Babe | Photos courtesy of Shannon Tripp
The mom of four, pediatric ER nurse and medical educator shows us how she moves through her day with the notion that motherhood, love and caring for others is at the core of everything she does. In her own words, here’s how Shannon makes it from sunrise to sundown with balance, presence and focus.
Above and at right: Shannon and family
6 am: This is crucial to start the day right. Before my kids are awake, I make sure I am up (keep in mind I’ve been pregnant or breastfeeding for 12 straight years – so I get how difficult this sounds).
This gives me some alone time to move my body and clear my mind. This is when I will set my intentions for the day and put ONLY the three most important things for the day on my to-do list. This hour lets me set the tone for the day, rather than spending the day feeling like the day is chasing me. Of course there are days when I want to stay snuggled in my cozy sheets, but I always remind myself that I’ve never regretted my morning time.
7:30 am: Give thanks! This may look different for all of us, but my faith and prayer has guided me through it all. Slowing down to truly give Him glory grounds me each day and asking for help is a necessary part of my day. Because this job as a mother was never meant to be done alone.
8 am: Family Breakfast. We love to start our day sharing a giant, yummy smoothie while gathered around the kitchen counter discussing our day ahead. Smoothies are my go-to for delicious, nutrient-packed breakfasts that both my kiddos and I love. Frozen fruit, mixed greens, and any extra nutrients all blended up starts our day off right. You can practically sneak anything into a smoothie for your kids to try, and those nutrients will power you and your children throughout the day!
9 am: Homeschool. Homeschooling has given us more quality time together, and also, a great deal of flexibility. Watching them learn and grow is my very favorite thing! During our homeschooling lessons, this is the time in my day I try to be fully present with them, ready for their endless questions! There’s nothing better than seeing their eyes light up when they have an “ah-ha” moment. I feel so thankful to be able to foster their inquisitive minds each and every day.
12 pm: Work. After homeschool and lunch, it’s time for daddy to stop working and take the kids while mom sits down and works, serving moms through our business.
Approaching my work with gratitude to be able to help others is the biggest motivation. Whether I have an hour, or four, investing in others through my business is always part of each day. This is where balance really comes in: my job as a mom will always come first, so running a business on top of being a mom and teaching homeschool can sometimes feel overwhelming. This is when communication with my husband and asking for help when we need it is an absolute must. And sure, sometimes, I can’t do it all… it’s a constant effort to give yourself grace and be ok with that!
3 pm: Social time! We are outside in the sunshine! This is the time we support our kiddos in their own activities, do a certain activity as a family, or get together with friends. It may be swimming, the beach, run club, or really any sport.
If there is something lingering from the day and one of us needs time to wrap up we may sneak it in here and one of us will stay home. There are different seasons where we need to be more “on” with work or more “on” in parenthood, and knowing this keeps us grounded. I’m so grateful for Ryan and how far we have come. Working together is not always easy, in fact, it’s the most challenging thing we have done in our marriage – but the reward has far outweighed the difficulty.
6 pm: Family Dinner. You’d think we’ve had enough family time by now, but this time is different: our phones, computers, calendars, they are all put away. No matter what our day brings, this is the time we gather as a family; discussing the sweet and sour parts of our days over a home-cooked meal (or take out!). Making time for family dinners is sometimes hard, but it’s always been worth the effort. Something our parents did for us, that I hope we can do for our children for a very long time.
7 pm: Night. We leave these wide open for whatever comes our way! It may be sneaking in a little extra work, maybe it’s a drive in the golf cart around Puerto Rico, maybe it’s cleaning the house, maybe it’s a walk to the beach to collect sea glass, maybe it’s quiet time, or maybe it’s a game night. One thing is for sure: mom’s in charge of the bedtime routine. 🙂
There is always a lot to do: the goal is to be fully present in whatever it is. This is when you don’t miss the little things that always turn out to be the biggest.
