Do We Really Need Prenatal Vitamins? From diet to weight gain, this writer is asking a different set of questions.
By Brittany Clair | Photo by Stocksy
The first time I was pregnant, I wanted to know precisely Everything. I read every book, every article, every FAQ page and advice column and interview I could find on “how to be pregnant,” and I’m sure I don’t need to tell you: it could have been a full-time job.
In the twenty-first century, there is an absolutely daunting amount of information available about pregnancy, prenatal care, childbirth, and beyond. Women didn’t always have so much information at their fingertips — and let me be very clear, I’m grateful to have it — but the democratization of information has also come at a price, because merely sifting through the advice out there, much less trying to make sense of it or apply it to your own life, can be utterly paralyzing.
I’ll tell you: I may have tried to read it all, but no one could. And no matter how much I read, I still felt like I was groping around in the dark.
Two years later, with my then one-year-old toddling around in the bathroom behind me, I found myself staring down at another positive pregnancy test, and I decided to take a different tack.
Namely, I decided to ask some different questions.
Where I had once asked: can I/should I/am I allowed to [fill in the blank: eat this, do that, go there, wear this, try that], I let my mind wander further upstream. At my prenatal appointments, I began to wonder how doctors decided to set the standard visit schedule in the first place. Each evening, when I dutifully swallowed my horse pill of a prenatal vitamin, I began to question what was in it, and why it was the very first item we pregnant women are expected to attend to. Instead of asking how many pounds it was advisable for me to gain, and at what rate, I wanted to know why.
Every month during my pregnancy, I zeroed in on the question at the forefront of my mind, and I researched it as far as I could:
In my first trimester, I was hung up on prenatal vitamins, morning sickness, and my growing body, so I researched when and why women began taking prenatal vitamins, the many and varied ways in which women and doctors have tried to resolve morning sickness over the years, and how medicine came to devise formal prenatal weight gain guidelines.
In my second trimester, I thought about what I ate, what I could see on every ultrasound scan, and what my body was capable of — I researched how nutritional counsel to pregnant women has shifted from generation to generation, the onset and rapid adoption of prenatal ultrasounds, and the haphazard development of prenatal exercise guidelines.
In my last trimester, I daydreamed of a good night’s sleep, wondered what my second birth would be like, and when labor would finally, finally begin — I dug into the research on sleep and pregnancy, and the history of birth plans, the history of induction.
I did not, as it were, develop neat and tidy answers to the classic pregnancy questions (can I…?). Instead, I learned that the modern prenatal care delivery system in this country is hardly the preordained enterprise many of us believe it to be. We were never destined to see our obstetricians however many times; it was not inevitable that we glimpse our unborn children at regularly scheduled prenatal ultrasounds; before there were scales, “pounds gained” was not a consideration; and though it is often taken as such, the act of making a birth plan need not be a political statement.
I should say, by the way, that I am no scientific dissident. I love science; I love medicine. I may be a skeptic, but I very much believe in the benefits and importance of prenatal care. Given that evidence shows women without access to prenatal care are five times more likely to die from pregnancy-related causes than women who receive prenatal care, how could I not?
Though much has changed in prenatal care, some things haven’t — the existing prenatal appointment schedule, for example, derives from one set forth in 1929 — and the system is the result of decades of decisions, cultural shifts, and overlaid ideologies. It is a medical system, yes, but it is not impermeable to the world around it.
We pregnant women exist within that system, including all of its many merits and its shortcomings. My book Carrying On tracks the emergence and expansion of that system, but it also explores the mounting body of evidence that has, in most ways (until very recently), afforded American women greater control over childbearing. Because it’s ironic, isn’t it, that our collective efforts to learn more about pregnancy, to better know and understand it, have contributed to imposing newfound expectations — from within and without — on women?
Over the course of history, our ideas and ideals surrounding pregnancy have been fluid as a river, shaped always by the terrain configuring its course. This book was my attempt to map the riverbank, to understand the winding waterways of prenatal care, to find stable footing and to walk my own path. I hope something in it helps you to find yours.
10 Summer Products That Will Speed Up Your Day From our friends at Pattern Brands.
By Babe | Photos by HATCH
The dog days of summer: long, slow, relaxing…yeah right. Wake up and smell the diapers, people! Summer does not equate to any “time-off’ when it comes to parenting. This is why we love curating lists for you that are jam-packed with solution-oriented, time-saving products that just make things a little easier. We teamed up with our friends at Pattern Brands to bring you Summer Must-Have’s list of household items that help speed up your day.
Letterfolk Standard Tile Mat A way to send a message that’s functional, chic, and easy to clean? Sign us up! Letterfolk’s best-selling Tile Mat is made with rubber-like hexagon tiles and removable caps that enable you to create countless designs and words. Words like, “BACK TO THE BEACH,” or “MORE WINE!”
Yield French Press This Glass French Press will make your quick morning coffee become a ritual to look forward to. There’s just something so…luxurious (!) about taking a moment in the morning (afternoon, or evening) to brew a pot of full-bodied coffee. And also so luxurious you can then place it directly in the dishwasher.
Yield Carafe What we said before, but make it iced.
Open Spaces Entryway Rack Gone are the days of continuously trying to line up shoes, sizes 3 months to men’s 16. This three-tier rack is equal parts function and design and can be used for storing just about anything.
GIR 3-Piece Mini Tool Set One way to make your time in the kitchen that much less chaotic. Give the big(ger) kids a job. Thanks to GIR’s Mini Tool Set (specifically designed for babes’ smaller hands) you can keep your mini busy and start training the next Master Chef at the same time.
Poketo Quarterly Goal Planner They say a quarter of a year is an ideal time to set goals, and we agree. It’s long enough to give you time to really see results, but not too long where you can get lost in the sauce. We love this Quarterly Goal Planner for its thoughtful prompts and open-dated calendar system. Because, as mamas, we all know, time is…well…in flux.
Letterfolk Modern Cuckoo Clock Keep track of time with a sense of nostalgia (but not the kind of nostalgia that requires you to do constant maintenance/upkeep) with this modern cuckoo clock. Plus, Letterfolk has created fun summer colors with different colored birds and pendulum discs so you can customize your clock all summer long.
Yield Design Co Candles So you don’t have time to do a full-on deep cleaning before that dinner party starts? Turn your home into a sanctuary with the light of a match and a deliciously (yet not overly) scented candle. Talk about instant ambiance!
Open Spaces Large Baskets You know when you start cleaning up your babe’s room and realize you’re just making piles of different piles? Been there, done that. These Large Wire Baskets are lightweight, sustainably sourced, and not at all an eye-sore. Plus, the wire of it all allows you to see what’s inside without having to spill everything out!
GIR Essentials Bundle Make your kitchen a saner space by simplifying your tools. Everything in the GIR Essentials Bundle is platinum-cured silicone, cosmetic grade, hypoallergenic, BPA and BPS-free, making them safe to use and (arguably more importantly) easy to clean.
Brands HATCH Employees Are Loving Right Now 'Tis the damn season.
By Babe | Photo by Danrie
How’s your kick-off to the holiday season going? Well, we at HATCH have been hard at work and play. But we are mostly Slacking each other gift-giving ideas because #December. And let’s be real, there are some hard people to shop for this season. Expecting mamas? We got that covered. But fashionable babes who prefer cashmere over cotton? Mother-in-law’s who can’t bake to save their lives but love cookies? If you’ve got someone hard to shop for on your holiday list, we’re on it. Here, discover the brands our HATCH employees are loving (and gifting) this season.
Agni Good for breastfeeding. Good for digestion. Good for those with a discerning preference for things that are just amazingly delicious. These cookies are TRIED and TRUE around the HATCH offices. (Oh, and while you’re on the site, grab some teas, too. You won’t regret it.)
Danrie If you have a babe anywhere from the age of newborn to 10 years old (and we’re pretty sure you do because you’re here), the one and only place you need to buy gifts this season is ShopDanrie.com. Their team has gone far and wide to find the most unique curation of baby and kids’ clothing brands and toys at all different price points. We’re talking major chic factor.
Everydae Health For the person in your life that needs a bit of an “oomph” this season, might we recommend the gift of wellness in the form of Everydae Supplements? This mama-founded brand is clean, postpartum friendly, and has options to restore your energy, clear brain fog, and help you be the holiday-best version of yourself.
Boram We said it once, and we’ll say it again: Postpartum retreats are IT. So if you’re looking for something to give an expecting mama (or something to gift YOURSELF), we highly suggest you invest in a stay at Boram, where you and your newborn will be supported physically and emotionally in arguably one of the most beautiful hotels in Manhattan.
Cradlewise Because shouldn’t your crib be doing all the hard work of parenting? We kid, but honestly, this is the crib of the future. It responds to your babe’s Quiet Phase (when it’s easiest to soothe) by rocking and playing music, has a built-in baby monitor, and is organic. Um, do they make one for adults?
What You Should *Actually Pack in Your Hospital Bag From the paperwork to the undies.
By Jada Shapiro, expert doula and founder of boober | Photo by Stocksy
While you don’t really need all that much in your hospital bag, we put together the top 10 categories of things that will make your hospital stay as comfortable as possible! Since when your baby decides to come is unpredictable, your estimated due date (EDD) can help guide you get prepared. A reasonable goal is to finish packing by your 36th week of pregnancy, which is about 1 month before your due date. If you’re still stressing it, also watch HATCH’s “Packing Your Hospital Bag”event.
1. Snacks
Light, bland snacks like crackers, honey, bone broth, fruit, or fruit popsicles can be helpful in providing you energy, should you want to nibble during labor.
Most midwives and many OBs say that it is safe and recommended to eat during labor. You will need energy for the hard work you’ll be doing, and you’re just as likely to throw up and poop during labor (which are incredibly common!) whether you eat or not.
Though some hospitals discourage eating while you are laboring under their care, there is currently no evidence to support this. Many of these rules are left over from the 1940s, when laboring folks gave birth under general anesthesia, and eating slightly increased your risk for aspiration. However, this is extremely rare today and our surgical techniques are significantly more advanced than they were when these rules were made.
Ask your care provider what you can eat and drink during labor, and if you are having a planned c-section, be sure to follow your pre-op instructions carefully!
2. Hydrating Beverages
Regardless of your hospital’s eating policy, pack some of your favorite hydrating beverages. Instead of plain water, you can try coconut water or labor-aid (an electrolyte drink you can make with water, lemon, and salt). Hydration is very important during labor, so pack something you’ll like, as you will be more likely to drink more of it!
DOULA TIP: Don’t forget to pack a bendy straw! It will come in handy when labor becomes so tiring that even tilting your head to drink can feel like a tedious task. Your Doula or support person can simply lift the beverage with the bendy straw to your lips no matter what position you are in.
3. Paperwork
Pack the hospital paperwork, your insurance card and ID ahead of time so that you don’t have to scramble at the last minute. Pack several copies of your birth plan or birth preferences sheet to show to any new providers or nurses you may encounter during your labor.
4. Pain Relief Tools for Labor
To set a mood for relaxation and concentration, dim the lights and consider packing the following items to help get the oxytocin flowing: pictures of loved ones, images of beautiful places, birth affirmation cards, flameless candles, essential oils, an oil diffuser, a soft pillow, a favorite blanket, and a scarf.
For the more intense moments, there are also some accessories to consider packing in your birth bag for pain management that your partner can use to ease your labor like tennis balls, massage tools, a fine tooth comb, a fan, and more. To get our essential partner in pain relief list, download our free ebook here. To learn many of these pain relief techniques, take a childbirth class.
5. Your Own Labor Outfit
Comfort is Key: Although the hospital will provide you with a gown, you do not have to wear it, despite possible pushback from the staff. Most people don’t find hospital gowns empowering, comfortable, or attractive. In fact, a hospital gown can make you feel like something is wrong with you or that you are sick. You’re not! You are about to give birth– a healthy activity! So choose comfortable, lounge-type clothes like dresses, nightgowns, large button-down shirts or a skirt and shirt which will both offer access to your birth canal and make skin-to-skin contact and breastfeeding/body feeding easy. The HATCH to Hospital Box includes a comfy tank dress, robe for postpartum, and socks to keep your feet warm in cold hospitals.
Safe Stepping: As you are laboring, it’s a great idea to walk around your room or the hospital floor. Doulas and midwives recommend walking to help your labor progress and manage pain. Make sure you choose footwear that has grips or a rubber sole for your safety on slick hospital floors. Slip-on shoes to go home in are helpful, as your feet may be swollen if you receive a lot of IV fluid.
6. Postpartum Underwear
Although the hospital will provide mesh underwear for you to wear after you give birth, some people prefer to bring a few pairs of their own postpartum underwear. Whether you give birth to your baby vaginally or via cesarean, you may find that high-waisted underwear provides a snug feeling of pulling everything together in your midsection. This secure feeling can be comforting in the early days and weeks of the postpartum period. We love the Seamless Belly Brief which is a great alternative to the mesh ones the hospital provides.
7. Toiletries and Personal Care Items
One way to help make your hospital stay more comfortable is to pack all of your favorite toiletries and personal care items, such as a washcloth (hospital towels are scratchy!), toothbrush, toothpaste, mouthwash, deodorant, facial wipes or spray, hair ties, and a brush or comb. You also should bring HATCH’s nipple + lip rescue balm, belly oil or Down Girl cream (it’s so dry in the hospital!), peppermint oil to sniff for energy or to relieve nausea, breath mints or candy to suck on for pain relief, nausea, and/or bad breath. Be sure to have a few plastic bags for vomiting readily available during your transport to the hospital or birth center, in case nausea strikes while you are in between destinations.
After giving birth you will bleed for several weeks; quite heavily at first and then it will taper off. This is called your lochia! The hospital usually provides huge maternity pads to catch the blood in the first days. If you don’t want to use the hospital brand, bring 10-20 of your favorite brand of extra-large, extra absorbent, or overnight pads.
8. Entertainment
A variety of music playlists, a book, a device to watch movies and shows, headphones, mini board games, crossword puzzles, coloring books, or anything else that helps you pass the time can be helpful. Except in very early labor, these will not typically be used by people having unmedicated births. However, in cases of long inductions, epidural use, or time spent in waiting rooms, entertainment can be helpful to pass the time.
9. Tech Tools
Be sure to include in your hospital bag any technological needs you may have, such as a video-playing device, chargers with extra long cords, and portable speakers! Not only can they be used to play music but also to ensure that you can hear your support person speaking if you have virtual doula support or are FaceTiming with your doula early in labor.
10. A Few Things for Baby
All your baby really needs is the outfit they will go home in, a hat, socks, and a properly installed car seat (you can’t leave the hospital without one!). The hospital will provide you with all the diapers you will need during your baby’s stay, including the ones that they go home in.
When signs of labor begin for you (which could include contractions, consistent cramp-like sensations, pain in your belly or lower back, leaking fluids such as bloody show or amniotic fluid), you’ll be happy that your hospital bag is packed. Review this list or use our checklist and take note of the items that feel like they would make your hospital stay extra supported!
Jada Shapiro is a maternal health expert and the founder of boober, where expectant parents and new families find expert classes and vetted pregnancy to postpartum care providers, like doulas, lactation consultants, or mental health therapists when they need it. She also founded Birth Day Presence a highly respected birthworker training center. She is a birth and postpartum doula, childbirth educator, lactation counselor, birth photographer, mother, and step-mother. Jada has assisted thousands of families through birth, postpartum and in the classroom and is a sought-out media expert on pregnancy, postpartum and newborn parenting.
The Science Behind Breastfeeding Nutrition Peep the video.
By Babe | Photo by @olufemiseesyou + @heliohoney
Join Krista Maas, Founder of Nunona, Rachelle Mallik, Founder of The Food Therapist and Jada Shapiro, Founder of Boober as they explore the science behind breastfeeding and nutrition and how the two ideas are more linked that you might have thoughts. Press play and learn.
"Abortion isn't black or white. It couldn’t be further from the truth." Neha Kumar's letter to the son she didn't have.
By Neha Kumar | Photo by Stocksy
To my baby boy,
I loved you from the moment I knew you were growing in me. You are me and I am you, we are both one. The decision to terminate this pregnancy was the hardest thing I have ever, ever had to do. Wherever you are, I know you know all this, and that in the end, I did it for us.
The day I found out I was pregnant with you, we were so happy. I was struggling to get your 10-month-old brother to pose for pictures with the pregnancy stick and my only concern in the world at that time was making sure he didn’t put it in his mouth. Babies want to put everything in their mouth and your brother was no exception. My brain had already started the mental checklist of all the things we need to do to prepare for your arrival, including thinking about a bigger place, and your dad, always the rock in our family, brought me back to reality and reminded me to enjoy this moment of us all together. Celebrating you. We were so silly happy with joy to have you coming into our lives.
We eagerly waited as you went from the size of a poppy seed to a kidney bean and then went for the eight week appointment. As the weeks progressed from there, something wasn’t quite right. The doctor was talking to me extra carefully at our appointments; the number of pregnancy weeks on my medical reports wasn’t matching up with my own personal tracking. Call it all motherly intuition or something else, I don’t know, but I felt it. I brought it up with my family and everyone just said, “it’s fine, you might be overthinking it.”
At 12 weeks, my baby boy, you were the size of a plum. This is the societal norm of when families tell others they are pregnant. I went to my appointment with a renewed sense of excitement and got the standard tests done. Later that week, I had dinner with my friends and told them the celebratory news, we were having you my angel. That’s the last night I clearly remember and it was before my whole world went into freefall.
Just rearing the corner to week 13, you were just about the size of a peach, I got two missed calls from my doctor’s office. I was dealing with work related items, grading my students’ finals as we were at the end of the quarter, and your brother at home. I didn’t call the office back as I was sure it was just some paperwork or insurance information they needed. If it was urgent, they would have left a voicemail. The next day, I got more missed calls from the office and thought I would call later. At the end of the day, I got a voicemail from my doctor himself asking me to call him back, no matter the time. When I called him on his cell, he asked me if I was sitting down, and then proceeded to tell me that everything was, in fact, not alright. The next couple of weeks were a blur.
I went through additional testing to confirm what the doctors saw in the “standard” tests, that my journey together with you was short-lived and the longer I let things go, the more painful and complicated it would be, for both you and I. The chances you would even make it to birth, to meet the rest of the family, wasn’t something they considered as an option. You were the size of a navel orange and close to an apple. My beautiful little baby boy. I had to make a choice and I made the choice to discreetly terminate this pregnancy with the help of my doctors and with my husband at my side. No one at work knew I was pregnant. No one at work knew I went to have the procedure done. This was a choice I had to make and I made it for my baby.
I didn’t need you to be born to love you. You are me and I am you. We are two sides of the same coin.
I am not pro-abortion but I am pro-choice. But the thing is baby boy, until I had to go through this experience with you, I never fully understood the pain I would feel and the process involved. I struggled with accepting that there was nothing I could do to protect you. I struggled to let go of control.I struggled to come to terms with the fact that this wasn’t my fault. I struggled every day and I still do.
I am not pro-abortion but I am pro-choice.
The way people talk about abortion is like it’s a singular procedure, something that’s definitive – it has a beginning and an end. The way the media covers abortion is that it’s black or white. But that couldn’t be further from the truth: An abortion isn’t a singular choice of keeping the you or not. There are an infinite number of scenarios where an abortion can come into effect, and all of those scenarios include a journey, a decision and an ensuing feeling of, ‘what now?’
During our journey, I was fortunate enough to have your dad by my side, along with a team of medical professionals I was familiar, and comfortable, with. I cannot imagine navigating what I went through without my regular doctors by my side. I consider my medical team as the village it took to get us through to the other side. From the gentle, caring face at check-in during appointments, to the doctor that held my hand when I broke down post-procedure, to the educational moments of walking me through trying again, in fact encouraging me to try again, because my pregnancy hormones were already stimulated and due to my age, waiting may complicate things.
Baby, thank you for teaching me a lot about control, resilience and empathy. You reminded me that I can’t always be in control and make things happen the way I think they should. You reinforced my resilience in a way I never thought possible. You taught me to have empathy for people as things like an abortion are not always black and white. There is no right or wrong, just choice and understanding. And people simply cannot understand making a choice like this until they’re presented with it.
I want you to know, you paved the pathway for your new little sister. She will know about you and love you. I just hope that she grows up into a world that will respect her choices to do what is right for her, her body and her well-being.
Love,
Your mamma
Neha Kumar has over 14 years of experience operationalizing and scaling startups and is currently running a venture fund on a mission to build the next generation of game-changing consumer focused brands. In addition to running a venture fund, Neha is a lecturer at UCLA’s Anderson School of Management. Prior to launching her fund, Neha served as the COO and CFO of Create & Cultivate.
9 Tips for Pursuing Early Education for Your Child By the team at No Silly Questions.
By Danielle Freilich and Jordana Fruchter | Photo by Stocksy
Each school has a unique culture and educational philosophy that distinguishes it from another. While there is no one best school, there are schools that can best fit your child and family’s needs and expectations. On our Podcast,“No Silly Questions,” we dig deeper into these topics and cover questions parents have about their children’s learning, education and development, with experts in the field. (We’ll also be doing a “Back to School” special in September, where we bring you everything you need to know about school admissions and pedagogies, so that you can make the best decisions for your child.)
Until then, the prompts below will get you thinking about the most important considerations when it comes to your child’s early childhood education.
1. Consider whether your child is ready for school.
There are varying possibilities for when your child may be ready and eligible to begin school. In a daycare setting, families often have the option of their child beginning in infancy, for extended hours. In preschool settings, families typically have the option of their child beginning any time from about the age of 1.5 years old to 2.5 years old, for more limited hours. Under certain circumstances, a parent may develop strong feelings about their child’s readiness for school, depending on the child’s ease of separating and/or comfort with new environments, new children, and new adults.
Typically, most children are able to adjust, however the pace at which they do so varies. Though it can happen, it is unusual for a child not to eventually adapt to the routines of school. Interestingly, children today are actually starting school significantly earlier than they did in previous generations. In one of our upcoming podcast episodes, we speak with Paula Fass, an historian of American childhood, to understand how these trends have evolved over time to the present day. While age can certainly be a determinant when it comes to school readiness in the early childhood years, temperament, family needs, financial capacity, and the fit of the school should all be considered. We’ll get into this more below!
2. With some initial research, determine which schools are in your neighborhood and whether the basic logistics work for your family.
Location tends to matter for families when selecting a school for their young children. You’ll want to consider who will be taking your child to school and if the school’s location is compatible with the adult’s schedule and routine. Will you be walking to school? Taking a bus? Car? Subway? Scooter? Some families may prefer a school in their neighborhood so that kids can easily get to and from home and make friends in their communities, whereas some families may prefer a school that is close to an adult’s place of work. Other factors to consider are the school’s hours, cost, and availability of financial aid if applicable.
3. Explore the school’s website to get a sense of their mission and better understand their educational philosophy.
Think about what your values are as a family and what kind of an environment would be best suited for your child in their early years, when their thoughts and feelings about school, learning, others and themselves are being formed. Some questions you’ll want to consider are:
How does the school’s mission resonate with my vision for my child and family?
Does the school have a specific educational philosophy or pedagogical approach, such as Reggio Emilia, Montessori, or Language Immersion? (Tip: We’ll be doing a deep dive into all of these pedagogical approaches in our September special!)
Is the school affiliated with a religion or larger community?
4. Take a tour of the school if it’s offered.
It’s important to be able to see the school in action and take note of what you observe. Ensuring there is a match up between what you read about on the website and what you see in person is important in understanding a school’s integrity and dedication to its mission. Visiting the school in person will help you visualize whether you can see your child feeling happy and secure there, and whether you see your family feeling comfortable as well. Some questions to consider are:
What do you feel when you walk through the school?
Do the facilities meet your expectations and needs?
What qualities do you notice in the Director that make you feel comfortable and confident sending your child to the school (or not)?
What’s the ‘smile quotient’ of the children and teachers? We first heard this phrase from a podcast interview we did with Dr. Thomas Hoerr, an author and researcher of Multiple Intelligence theory, to articulate a school environment where joy is found in abundance – a true indicator of a quality school.
How engaged do the children and teachers seem?
5. Ask questions that are important to you.
Deciding which school to send your child to is one of the more significant decisions you will make in their early life, and you should feel encouraged to get the information you need to make the best decision possible for your child and family. Each family has different priorities and so questions will vary; a family who prioritizes nutrition may want to know what kinds of snacks are provided, whereas a family who has an active child might want to know how often the children have opportunities to run and move their bodies. Some questions that are worthwhile asking could be:
How often does the school/teachers communicate with parents?
What are the expectations for parent involvement and what opportunities are available for parents to get involved?
What are the qualities and criteria you look for in selecting teachers? (Is professional development offered?)
How do teachers take note of children’s progress? Are children’s skills assessed?
What is the school’s approach to behavior and discipline?
What is the daily schedule?
6. If you have a young child who will be separating for the first time, ask the school how this process will work.
Separation is an integral part of going to school, especially when a child is separating from their familiar adults for the first time. You’ll want to understand what this process will look like so you can plan accordingly. Some schools may have a gradual separation process, whereby an adult is required to stay with a child until they are fully separated. Some schools may opt for a ‘rip-off the bandaid’ approach. When considering these approaches, think about what resonates with you as a parent and also what your child’s temperament is like. Understanding where a school stands with respect to separation will help you anticipate what the beginning of the year might look like, and how you can prepare your child accordingly.
7. Consider additional programming.
School’s offer different kinds of programming that is built into the day, into the month or throughout the year. You may be curious about what specials are offered during the school day, like music, movement, dance, yoga, etc. You may also want to know what events or traditions are unique to the school that you and/or your child have to look forward to. Lastly, when applicable, you can ask about whether after school activities are offered if that is of interest to you.
8. Ask to speak with other parents who are currently enrolled in the school.
Hopefully your school tour will be informative and you’ll have a good sense of how you want to move forward. That being said, there may be questions that you will prefer to ask a parent enrolled in the school instead of the school’s Director. In order to gain an additional perspective, ask the school if they offer the opportunity to be connected with a current parent, and then with that parent, you can determine whether an email, phone call, coffee or other kind of meet up would be mutually agreeable. You may also consider other ways to see the school and community in action, like participating in any events that are offered; this helps you get to know the school, and the school gets to know you.
9. If your child has specific needs, communicate them with the school and make sure they can support your child.
Children have different needs, and may require varying levels of support. If your child has an allergy, ask the school how they manage this; if your child has a dietary need, ask the school if it can be accomodated; if your child has any developmental delays, ask the school if and how they can support; if your child speaks a different language, ask the school how they will approach this.
Ultimately, for some, the decision about how to pursue their child’s early childhood education will be fairly straightforward and for others, more considerations like the ones listed above may be involved. The essence of the early childhood experience is building socialization, independence and play skills, and there are many kinds of environments that can offer this. On our podcast No Silly Questions we dive deeper into this subject matter and drop weekly episodes, all intended to strengthen your parent toolkit and bridge the gap of information. After all, there’s no such thing as a silly question.
Katy Tur on her postpartum journey, the state of the news and what's next.
By Caroline Tell | Photos courtesy of Katy Tur
Katy Tur has had a wild ride.
No, we’re not referring to her post covering the Trump campaign that inspired her first book, Unbelievable, followed by gaining a solo show on MSNBC, Katy Tur Reports, followed by giving birth to two kids back-to-back with husband and fellow broadcast journalist, Tony Dokoupil.
Nope, we’re talking about the chopper she grew up on with her parents, a pair of helicopter journalism pioneers who offered young Katy a birds-eye view into news-breaking stories from 20,000 feet as well as an unorthodox, at times frightful home life – all of which Katy documents in her latest book, Rough Draft.
Now, as Katy comes off her postpartum pandemic life and settles into a family groove that’s very much grounded (in a cozy Brooklyn brownstone, no less), she’s catching her breath for the first time in five years. We caught up with this spirited reporter fresh off the January 6 hearings to talk through babes, birth, and her next chapter.
Above: Katy and Tony compare bump sizes. At Right: Katy post-birth.
You’re a little over one year out from having your second child. How’s life going with two? What feels different for you?
Oh my gosh, I thought my life changed after the first baby. I thought it was the hardest thing I could have ever done. And then I had the second baby and I realized that having one is a cakewalk. You could have zone defense, you pass the baby around. Now it’s man-on-man. So in my house, there’s never any rest. Somebody’s always taking care of one of the kids. We also have two older kids. So the house over the summer gets really wild. It’s total madness. You know, I’m alive, I’m breathing, my little Eloise is walking and babbling and it’s just wonderful. I’m obsessed with her.
How was your postpartum experience different from one child to the next?
With Teddy, I was in a state of shock because I had an emergency c-section. I just wasn’t expecting it, and I had no preparation for what the recovery would be like. It happened so fast that I found it difficult to walk downstairs, let alone sit up and nurse, which was a whole other battle. I bonded with Teddy immediately, but I also didn’t. I hated the infant stage, I felt like I didn’t want to be holding the baby all the time. Because whenever I was holding Teddy, he wanted to nurse, and I just got really stressed out by it.
With Eloise, I had a better birth experience. I recovered much faster. I had a great surgeon who sewed me up really nicely. And I found the recovery was just a world better than the first experience. But I also had a hard time in the first few months because, again, this completely helpless infant just screams all the time. And she spit up everytime she ate. I was literally covered in vomit for the first eight months of her life.
I hated the infant stage, I felt like I didn’t want to be holding the baby all the time.
I’m good with babies once they get to four months, and they start smiling and laughing, and then I’m like, oh, I can handle you. Of course you’re never supposed to say that. You can only say it’s amazing and wonderful. And that you feel completely blessed.
That’s something we’re always trying to dismantle at Babe. It’s not always “magical and amazing.”
I am very lucky because NBC gives you four months paid, plus I took a month of vacation time. So that got me to five months. And then I just took another month off because they can give you up to six months. It was really beneficial to my mental health and it was really beneficial to my physical health. It was great for bonding between me and Eloise, but also bonding between Eloise, Teddy and the older kids who were here for the whole summer. It gave us the time we needed to establish ourselves as a family unit before I went back to work. I think it’s really just completely necessary and it’s appalling that I am one of the very, very lucky people out there.
Speaking of, it’s such a dark time for women and moms, and women who don’t want to be moms, and children. The list goes on. As a reporter, how do you stay sane day after day? How do you find the light?
I won’t lie to you, it’s really hard because we have been covering some pretty dark stuff now for a while. The political divisions scare me when I think about the country that I’m handing over to my kids. The war in Ukraine has some terrible news coming out and terrible imagery to view, the shooting in Uvalde was really painful as a mother to report on. And it’s scary to know that there might be a quick fix and a simple solution to it, but in the world that we live in – in our country it’s not that simple. And you know, Roe v. Wade, the thing that’s striking me about that decision more than anything else is that this is a government that is now forcing a woman to have a baby. And that same government is offering no supplement, no help. There’s no system in place. There’s no foundation for the woman and the baby in the family to thrive. There’s no paid parental leave, no universal health care. Subsidized baby formula has an asterisk around it. Here’s what you can use, and here’s what you can’t use.
It’s very expensive and very emotionally draining to have a child. And that’s when you want one, when you really want one, when your whole being is centered around having that kid. I hate to imagine what it must be like for somebody who’s not ready or doesn’t want a child. So how do I deal with it? I go home and I play with my kids. And I hope that we can make it better for them. I hope that more people get involved and try to work within the system that we have. It’s not a perfect one. Also, there are eighty million eligible voters who don’t participate. I think about ways to try and get to them. And it’s cheesy, but I just hope that if we fail, maybe they’ll do a better job when they get older.
Now that you have a daughter, does this feel particularly resonant?
It’s scary, knowing that our decisions in life will now have to take into account what decisions she’s allowed to make. Where’s she going to go to college? Is that a place that will allow her to make a decision for herself? Where will she go to work? Is that a place that will allow her to make a decision for herself? I mean, that’s now. But we could come into a situation where she has no choice anywhere in this country or something might change and she’s got a choice.
The variables of it are what is scary because I want her to thrive. Not just my daughter, it’s my son, too. I know we talk about this as a woman’s issue, and it is happening to a woman’s body, but it is very clear that it’s affecting a lot of men as well. And there are a lot of men out there who don’t want to start a family and they’re going to be forced to start a family. I think it’s an issue for all of us.
Above: Katy and Tony after giving birth to Eloise. At right: a family of four.
You write in Rough Draft about about your parents and their role as journalists, and about your relationship with your father. I wonder how your childhood has informed your own parenting.
You know, we can’t choose our childhoods. We can’t choose the lessons of our childhood, but we can all choose what to take with us. And when I look back at the way I grew up, I am holding on to all of the fun and the adventure, the love for learning, the curiosity that my parents had about the world around them.
My parents were journalists, and they wanted to be in the middle of the action. They wanted to be telling you what you needed to know about big, breaking news events. I mean, I grew up in a helicopter. I spent more time in a helicopter than I did in my own bed. There were car seats in the helicopter. And so when I raise my kids, I want them to love finding out new things. I want them to see the world as a place that’s full of opportunity and full of interesting people and places. They have a set of parents who are learning about these things everyday. And we’re bringing that home and we’re telling them those stories are we’re taking them with us when we can.
I want to also look back on the things that were not so great about my childhood, the stuff that I don’t want to carry on with me – the stuff that I want to choose to leave behind. The great thing about writing a book is that I’m holding myself to that standard. You know, I put it all out there – all the ugly warts and all the truths. I’ve said publicly, here’s the stuff that I don’t want to take with me. Now, I have to live up to the standards that I’ve held up for myself. I’m happy about that. There’s no escape.
I’m curious, logistically speaking, how you parent. Like how you and Tony manage these full-on, high profile careers. How do you guys keep it all together?
We have really great mothers. Our mother-in-laws are here a lot. Tony’s mother lives in West Virginia. If we get into a bind, we’ll call her up. If we get into a really big bind, we will fly in my mom. We also have full time childcare, which is good because our schedules can be so variable. Tony leaves at like 4:45 am every morning, and then I leave at around 10 am. So we need somebody who’s going to be there. And then there are times where I’m traveling. So if I’m traveling and he’s leaving at 4:45 am, we’ve got to find somebody to fill in the gap. So it’s a mix of full-time childcare, mothers, and then when it really hits the fan, I leave a little bit late for work, and Tony probably will come home a little bit earlier. We keep it together with a network of solutions.
What are you doing between 6 am and 10 am?
Oh, it’s really fun. I run a diner and a laundromat. I also run a daycare and I do the editorial for a national news broadcast. So I’ve got my morning four jobs – the diner, the laundromat, the daycare and the anchoring of a news show between the hours of 6 am and 10 am every single day.
You’ve had so much happen to you over the last few years. You were given this daytime afternoon show, you got married and had kids. Do you feel like the dust has settled at all?
Tony and I talk about this a lot. We feel like we’re constantly in a state of building. It’s rush rush rush get this done, do this, do that. We both come from a home that was financially stable and then suddenly it wasn’t at all stable and that scares the two of us. So we’re trying to find a way to make sure that when the kids get to college, that college is paid for. And as anyone knows who was looking at the price of college, it’s a real hustle.
What do you do to not feel like a parent for five minutes?
I go to Phish shows. I love getting lost in the music. It’s the only place in the world where I feel like I can surrender to the flow and not even wonder what time it is or what I should be doing or what’s waiting for me at home. If I don’t have a Phish show to go to, I go into my car for alternate side parking and I play Phish on SiriusXM Satellite Radio.
What’s next for you?
What’s next is a vacation, hopefully. After that, I keep saying I’ll never write a book again. And if I ever start talking about writing a book again, somebody please slap me across the face. I don’t know, I’m already thinking maybe there’s something else I could start working on. I’d love to work on some creative adventure with my husband, because we have a lot of fun together, whether that’s a book or a podcast, or who knows what. We’re eyeing that, that’s our future.
How to Navigate the Baby Food Aisle Plus, 5 things to look out for
By Ruthie Friedlander
Just when you thought that you were in the parenting groove, it’s time to start introducing solid food to your baby. And, just like everything with parenting, what seems simple at first ends up being confusing and overwhelming. There are so many options and opinions! Instead of letting overwhelm get the best of you, here are the top 5 tips for navigating the baby food aisle that will leave you confident to make the best choice for you and your family.
Always Read Nutrient Facts Label First
Spoiler alert: it’s not enough that the baby food is labeled non-GMO and organic. ALWAYS flip around the packaging and read what’s actually in the food and how much is in it. Don’t be fooled by clever marketing, images, colors, and statements on the front-facing packaging- the front is designed to lure you to make purchases without proper analysis. “Just because something is marketed as a ‘spinach snack’ doesn’t mean it actually contains a meaningful amount of spinach,” says Dr. Teresa Purzner, founder of Cerebelly and a neurosurgeon with a Stanford Ph.D. in Developmental Neurobiology. Dr. Purzner advises to always look at the nutrition panel first. She advises looking for nutrients with numbers that are in the double digits, preferably 30-50% of the daily value (how much of that nutrient you need per day).
“Most baby foods have zero percent of many of these essential nutrients. If brain regions grow and peak at different times in the early years and the timing of the nutrients is key, then similarly, baby foods should not be a one-size-fits-all,” says Dr. Purzner. “If you get solid double digits in a couple of nutrients, you’re doing pretty well,” she continued.
Cerebelly is the only organic baby food to contain 16 essential nutrients for brain development that are generally lacking in the average North American infant’s diet. In comparison, the average baby food brand contains only 2 to 4 of these nutrients, and not even in meaningful amounts.
Choose Vegetable Over Fruit-Forward Purees
It’s never too early to introduce nutrient-dense veggies to your baby. Unfortunately, it’s harder to find options that aren’t primarily filled with fruit (a cheaper and naturally more palatable ingredient). “The ingredients on the ingredient list are listed in descending order by weight. So, whatever’s listed first is in the food more than any other ingredient,” says Abby K. Cannon, registered dietitian, and mom to a toddler. “That’s why we want vegetables to be high up on the ingredient list to ensure that our babies are getting enough of what they really need,” she added.
We introduce foods to babies as their brains are developing, so foods taste different at 6 months than at 18 months. And, as different parts of their brains form, they’re making the connections they’ll have for the rest of their lives. Load them up with veggies so “you’re stimulating them over and over with healthy vegetables. That becomes their status quo from which they will build everything else,” says Dr. Purzner.
Even though it’s harder to make veg-first baby food, Cerebelly did it, while also making it delicious for baby.
Be Wary of Sugar Content
When you look at the nutrition panel on many baby foods, you’ll notice a lot of sugar, some salt, and lots of zeros next to specific nutrients. This isn’t ideal for baby’s developing body and taste buds. “In the first 18 months, a kid is really working to develop their palate and figuring out what their normal food is. If all their first experiences are applesauce – which is what a lot of baby pouches are, applesauce with a leaf of spinach or two – then what their brain is going to learn to expect is sugar – empty sugar,” says Dr. Purzner. This makes it harder to introduce vegetables later on.
Babies need many more nutrients than those that fruit alone offers. Babies need protein, iron, b vitamins, fiber, and choline(to name a few). And predominantly fruit-based options don’t contain those essential nutrients. “Even though fruit contains fiber, which is so important for overall health and healthy digestion, most of the pouches contain little to no fiber because of how the food is manufactured,” says Cannon.
Overall, we want to introduce babies to the flavors of vegetables to get them used to those flavors early on. “We don’t want to only mask vegetables with fruit or else we rob babies of the opportunity to develop a taste and liking for vegetables,” says Cannon.
Not All Companies Screen the Same for Heavy Metals – Look for Clean Label Project Certified
Shockingly, there’s little to no regulation around baby food. That means harmful contaminants, like heavy metals, can wind up in the food we feed our babies. Lead, which hinders the entire development of a baby’s brain, has been found in baby food. This is why it’s imperative that you choose a baby food from a brand that screens for heavy metals. Healthy brain development isn’t just about what is inside the food we eat – it’s about what’s NOT inside. What’s the point if you get this perfect nutrition if it’s heavy in lead?
“The heavy metal screening process must take place throughout multiple stages of food processing- from the ingredients to preparation, to the final product,” advises Cannon. Companies need to do their own screening and also hire third-party testers to ensure that their screening process is working. Look for the Clean Label Project Certification on baby food products to ensure that the product doesn’t contain heavy metals. To receive the certification, the Clean Label Project randomly tests products for 400 contaminants. Dr. Purzner made sure when she started Cerebelly that her products would be tested rigorously and Cerebelly is the first ever shelf-stable baby food to get the Clean Label Purity Award.
Look for a variety of ingredients
Finally, we want our babies to get a variety of ingredients in their food because that automatically means that they’re consuming a variety of nutrients. “Use really dense colored vegetables- dark leafy greens, sweet potato, cauliflower- in combination for a lot of different nutrients and to avoid any kind of toxin exposure that’s unique to one type of food,” says Dr. Purzner.
Remember, even if you don’t like a particular food or flavor, doesn’t mean your child won’t like it. We want to expose them to all types of flavors, from savory to bitter to tart to sweet, as early as possible. Between 4 and 6 months, babies are in the “flavor window,” a critical time for developing tastes and food preferences. The more we expose them to the most nutrient-dense foods that support their brain and overall development, the more likely they’ll accept those foods now and later. It can take time for them to accept a food, sometimes 8-15 tries! Keep offering a variety of foods, especially vegetables, to help promote healthier food preferences as your child grows.
It can be overwhelming to choose the best food for your baby. But, by following these 5 tips, you can rest easy knowing that you’ve made a safe and informed choice.
This article was written in partnership with Cerebelly.
Is ED Affecting Your Relationship? One man shares his story, and how he got his life (and erection) back.
By Babe | Photos courtesy of Hims
This article was written in partnership with Hims.
These days it feels like there are very few taboos left to address. But yet, some remain. For women, it’s the idea that many of us can’t do a jumping jack without peeing (true story). For men, erectile dysfunction isn’t a conversation that gets too much air time, but given that 52% of men over 40 experience ED at some point in their life, perhaps it’s high time we address the situation for both men and their significant others, as well. Because when an issue like ED enters the chat, it not only affects the man, but the entire relationship.
At Babe, we’re constantly striving to shed light on the unspoken, on ”embarrassing” conversations, on issues that shouldn’t feel shameful for women, yet society dictates they are. Now, we’re flipping the script and taking on a quintessential male stigma – ED. We sat down with Billy, 42, who sought help for his ED and got his life back on track, thanks to Hims, a 100% online platform that offers access to affordable, effective ED treatments if prescribed (peace out doctor’s offices).
OK break it down for us. When did you start dealing with ED?
I realized I had ED about five years ago. When I was a teenager I didn’t have it, but it got worse as I started aging. Honestly, if it weren’t for HIMS, my sex life would be difficult.
Was there one moment or “aha” in bed that made you realize this was something you needed to address?
There wasn’t a particular moment I realized I had ED. There were multiple signs. I just wasn’t performing like I should. My erections weren’t getting where they should be, they weren’t there like they needed to be. I lost my confidence as a result. It was like I was trying to satisfy my partner and I couldn’t please her in that way. Your confidence just goes away. You don’t want to have sex because you know you can’t get to that point and you just leave her there. It definitely impacted our relationship.
OK then what happened?
I started doing some research on it and went to my doctor and talked to him about it. He put me on Cialis and gave me little samples of Viagra and wanted me to go home and try it and see if it helped. So I did and it did make a big difference in my performance in the bedroom, and my confidence went up while I was using it. Then I stopped using it when I changed doctors. I got away from it, and didn’t use it anymore.
When did you come across Hims?
I was dating again following my divorce, and started searching online and found Hims, and I’ve been using it ever since. I love that it’s very discreet. It’s low-key, like nobody knows I use it. I connected with a provider through Hims’ platform from the comfort of my own home, all online. It’s embarrassing to talk to someone in person about it. But through Hims, I was able to access treatment conveniently and discretely, and it has worked since day one.
How has it been going?
I’ve been getting ED treatment through Hims for almost a year-and-a-half now. I think it gives you your confidence back. Once you do it for the first time and see the performance you get out of it, your confidence gets better and better. That’s why it helps the most.
What’s one thing you’d want everyone to know about ED?
If I had one thing to say about ED, it’s that no one should ever be embarrassed. It happens to a lot of men. Just do your research on it and there’s ways to fix it and ways to help. But don’t let it take life away from you, especially because there’s treatment. Just don’t be scared to go get it.
